Tuesday, March 28, 2017

My Healing Process

I didn't receive much in the way of comments on my post What I bring to a D/s relationship AKA My Thoughts on D/s and Depression Part 2 but a few people did contact me privately, kind of a "holy crap, that must have hurt" type of way.

As I've written about in the past couple of weeks, I am healing up from emotional wounds at the moment.  This is sort of the last few stages in my healing process: floundering, reaching out, desperation, self-consciousness, tearing it all down, rebuilding.

I try to always be my own harshest critic and I try not to tip-toe around myself.  Putting it out there in the bluntest way possible is the easiest way for me to try to heal from it.  Until I see the issues for what they really are, there's no way to move past them. Other people might have a healthier way of going about this.  This is the one I choose for myself.

On the upside, since writing that post out I'm feeling a lot better.  My footing is more sturdy.  I feel a lot better about who I am and my place in this world.  The people who have commented on my other posts and/or reached out in some way have all helped with this.  I tend to trust outside, objective eyes better than I trust my own on this front.

I'm thinking about why it is that I feel the need to share all of this.  I suppose that part of it is because this is my first time going through this whole process while continuing to blog.  In years past I would have just left the internet until I was through this, possibly giving a status update here and there.  

I hope that I didn't weird anyone out or put people off with the past week.  I had always been hesitant to let people see this side because I didn't want people to feel I was weak. 

Now that my emotions seem firmly in order again I hope to resume some blogging that is more consistent with how I have written over the course of this blog... talking about ideas... fiction, and the like.

Take care and thank you for reading.


  1. Showing yourself, being yourself isn't being weak. It takes courage and strength to do so!

    I'm new to your blog so am not sure what you're healing from (I really must read back in time) but I wish you well, as you heal..

    Best, Kat

    1. Thank you, Kat.

      A couple of weeks ago I had some problems with my current girlfriend (former-Domme) that turned quite ugly and caused a depression flare up in the wake of a few panic attacks. A lot of the posts from the past couple of weeks are rooted in some of the emotional instability that followed. I'm feeling like I'm almost through it, thankfully.

      Take care.

    2. Dear fur sissy,

      I'm sorry to hear that you've had a difficult time which led to all of those feelings. Where emotions are concerned it's so very hard to find a stability, it really can be a rollercoaster of emotions - when we have feelings, when we put our hearts out there, it is that which leaves us so vulnerable to the emotional pain.

      I think it's why for so long, my own self, my own heart has been locked safely away!

      Not sure if you are on fetlife, but if you are and you want to connect, am happy to chat, username is the same as my profile name here!

    3. Thank you, Kat.

      My relationship with T has been quite a roller-coaster over the years. The first years were great... the last few, not so great.

      I grew up in a VERY emotionally repressed household vowed to never be that way. The ride isn't an easy one but it has led to some very good things.

      I am on fetlife but I don't do much there. I did send you a message and a friend request there though.

      Take care.