Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
Oh joy. I have a handful of these. While I thought about going with a more tame one I'm going to go ahead and go with numero uno by a wide margin. Funny this post is happening on April 1st, but no joke, this actually happened.
If you are squeamish and get grossed out easily you may want to stop here. If you can laugh at things that are fairly disgusting, by all means, keep reading. I can't recall if I ever blogged about this before.
In my time between K and F I played with a sub/switch named C for about six weeks. Her friend/roommate had actually contacted me about my collarme ad and while I was "too submissive" for her friend, C took an interest in me and offered to "train me" until I found someone knew.
C was a very nice young woman but one day at my apartment I found out a secret. She was a front wiper. As in, wipes back to front. This is kind of a no no for women in the hygiene department.
We were in my apartment. I was chained down to the bed naked, spread eagle, with locking restraints, and a collar on. C had spent the last hour or so exploring my body with her hands, mouth, and a crop. It was a nice time. At this point she dropped her panties and mounted my face. C did not ever shave her pubic hair. I was okay with that. She eased herself down onto my face and I went to work with my lips and tongue. I liked to use a technique where I form a gentle suction with my lips over the clit and so on (if you read fs01 you have seen it described in detail). I'm going, she's moaning and swaying, and all of a sudden this taste enters my mouth that is just foul beyond belief.
It took a fraction of a second to realize that some dried poop had been on her pubes near her clit and was now in my mouth... and I'm chained to the bed on my back. My body reacted on its own as my gag reflex went on red alert and I vomited into my mouth. Not wanting to make a mess, I didn't let it escape and swallowed it back down. But the gag reflex was still in effect and I got stuck in a cycle of vomiting and swallowing over and over again, frantically trying 1. not to blow chunks all over the room and 2. not to drown. It didn't take long for the vomit to enter my nasal cavity and begin going into my lungs.
This continued for what felt like a decade... but was probably about 10 seconds of intense misery, shit in my mouth and drowning on regurgitations. I finally got it under control and the cycle stopped. I immediately burst out screaming and sobbing.
She unlocked me and I went and got a drink and rinsed my mouth. She asked if I was okay. I responded that I was fine and that I think I got food poisoning from something I ate. I then requested if we could play a bit in the shower.
It took me FIVE YEARS for my body to not go all PTSD and gag when performing cunnilingus. This was super disappointing because I had always LOVED the smell of a woman's sex. I still struggle with anxiety when going down and once I get into it my blood-pressure stabilizes and everything ends up okay.
By now I'm sure at least some of you thought you weren't squeamish but now discovered that you actually are, I strongly suggest investing in some: