Thursday, March 23, 2017

30 Days of Submission: Day 3

How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? 

Well, I'm happy that this question is directed at me personally and not a general question.  

I find my answer to this to happen on three fronts:  Sexual, Emotional, and Rational.

Sexually, I know that I am at least a bottom as I just can't get aroused from being a top.  I know that this isn't necessarily a great answer but I've learned over time that it's just how it is for me.  The more controlled and tormented I become, the greater my arousal.

Emotionally, submission just feels right and some of this is due to psychological damage.  I look to others for my sense of worth.  I am accustomed to having to earn love, affection, and attention... and have experienced having it withheld.  I am accustomed to being punished for my mistakes... and sometimes at random.  D/s just brings me to a natural state.  Rather than struggle, attempting to develop false confidence, I submit and allow myself to become the person I am good at being. 

Rationally, I have a sense of inferiority.  While I know that I am a good, fun, and interesting person, I have been rejected so many times that submission is something I came to on its own.  In order to be someone worthy of love I sought to become the perfect lover... caring, attentive, and devoted.  I developed this before I knew what a submissive was.

How do you feel when you express your submission?

When I express my submission I feel an incredible amount of love flowing through my entire being.  Love is what I think about.  Love is the motivation behind my actions.  Love flows through every bone and muscle as my actions display my love for her.  

It is peaceful and the world makes sense.  I have no regrets or insecurities.  I feel like I am the best version of myself.

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