I had another realization today that makes me feel kind of dense for not seeing it before. In the past year I've come across a lot of Dommes that are vocal about being anti-fantasy. They post it on their profiles, their blogs, discussions, and the like. I am personally a big proponent of the potential of fantasy so I felt rather lost as to why this is.
What I grasped is that there is a fundamental difference in how they perceive fantasy as to how I perceive fantasy.
My view of fantasy: envisioning something that isn't occurring right now or recounting something that has already happened.
Their view of fantasy: Femdom porn videos and pictures.
I don't watch porn. I have seen a handful of videos and clips here and there but it is not something I am well-versed in. I don't even know what "stereotypical Femdom porn" looks like. I may find some pictures now and then but generally I find fashion or glamor shots that are done in a tasteful manner give me greater appeal. If I had to guess what they are railing against it is likely the idea of some 45-minute whipping and teasing session with a leather (or latex) clad dominatrix doing things to a hapless male sub.
If there are a large number of men out there that believe staged events meant to generate income are "real," then I can sympathize to a much greater degree than I currently do. When you filter out the wankers, I don't believe that any sub that is worth a damn actually expects their real life to be a porno.
I fantasize a lot. Like... a lot. My view is that just because something isn't real, that doesn't make it unrealistic. Even if it is occasionally real to have a 45 minute play session with some dress-up and theatrics, I'm generally more concerned with the other 23 hours and 15 minutes of the day. The intimacy of aftercare. Breakfast. Bedtime rituals.
I fantasize about taking showers with my Mistress where I gently wash her body and hair. I fantasize about how I wish to greet her as she walks through the door. I fantasize about cooking her a delicious meal and carefully watching her face as she takes the first bite. I fantasize about feeling her arms around me and the smell of her perfume as we embrace. I have done all of these things dozens or even hundreds of times, but if it's not based upon a specific event... it is in fact a fantasy.
I don't always fantasize about the mundane, but it is almost always things that I have already done and would like to do again. I enjoy a 4-hour marathon sex and play session where she has over 50 orgasms. For several years this was the average, but if I picture doing this again, it is a fantasy.
For a while now I've felt self-conscious about this but from now on I'm going to stop worrying about it. I have enough experience to know what is realistic. I have enough experience to know just what isn't probable because it's a pain in the ass. I have enough experience to know what will appeal to her.
If anything, this is a call for people to define their terminology. Taking a narrow definition of a word and broadcasting it as if it is the only definition of the word isn't a wise decision. It impacts others. I've heard it come from the mouths of newbies who adopted the belief from reading the words of those with more experience.
Fantasy isn't bad. Wankers who want a fetish model to get topped from the bottom are bad. It's exhausting having to explain myself. It's even more exhausting to be written off without a chance to explain.
I've been asked on numerous occasions why I don't watch porn. I answer them simply: I make my own porn in my head.
If you want an example of one of my fantasies, a short one can be read here:
A Quick Fiction D/s Fantasy: Breakfast