Monday, March 20, 2017

Revisiting the Big Take Away

The most recent post at Die starke Frau really gave me a blast from the past.

The I am quoting the excerpt from the excerpt which puts this post back in December of 2010.

"Both Lady Grey and Ms Marie have written about "the big take away". Banning the man for good from the one thing he loves the most. (Hunting, soccer, business, you name it...) And the response from the men involved and from the readers of the blogs has generally been overwhelming good. There is no doubt, that it is hot to read about it. The fantasy is amazing.
But me, in reality, I think I would not have the guts to resort to such intense and drastic means. "The big take away" is not some game. It is not something to turn the man on. It is not meant to give him pleasure. It is hard on him. He will hate it. He will not be pleased.
And the idea that the man will be pissed off... and pissed off with me...somehow throws me off balance.
Add to these points the fact that the men we are taking about are usually real alpha males, surrounded by beautiful women who are only waiting to please them, only waiting to start a relationship with them....
I am just not sure if I would dare to tell the man I love to chose between me and the thing he loves the most..."

I remember the posts in reference as well as Tina's post from 2010, which if I remember correctly (I haven't gone back to check), I did leave some comments on that she didn't like :)

I believe both of the original posts from Lady Grey and Ms. Marie are also gone.

I've been thinking about this for the past couple of days, especially because the events of the present post seemed to have Tina feeling a bit emotionally distressed.  I wanted to elaborate upon this a bit.  I hope that it will help in some way.

To summarize the original big takeaway posts (please correct me if I am wrong on this Lady Grey or Tina) is the idea that choosing one important aspect of the sub's life, something they have taken for granted, and taking it under control and denying it from then on.  If my memory serves me, I believe Lady Grey took away Karl's privilege to watch the NCAA March Madness Men's College Basketball tournament.  Tina mentioned a few in her excerpt but other things might include poker night with the buddies, drinking, eating steak, etc. 

At it's core, this is a control dynamic.  It sets the tone of the relationship and reinforces the idea that the Domme has the final say over things.  It also keeps the sub from being distracted by something other than focusing upon her needs.  While I can understand how this might seem cruel, I don't really think that it is.  Is there anything in my life that is important enough that I wouldn't give it up for the woman I love?  No. 

I don't see this as any different from giving up sexual control, and in fact, I believe if you could get men to answer honestly about their "5 favorite activities," I'm fairly certain that 95% of men would have "having an orgasm" on their list.  It is fairly established practice for Dommes to take control of the sub's orgasms out of the gate.  In my opinion, this is truly the big takeaway.

Something else to add is that this isn't done out of anger, spite, or malice.  It is not a punishment, it is not done in the heat of the moment, and it is not reactionary.  Taking "it" away is done more on principle.  There is no discussion, no bartering, no negotiations.  She rationally exerts her power and does it because she can.  Once it is gone it serves as a reminder that she can take anything... or grant anything.  She is all powerful. 

Is this act right for everyone?  Probably not.  I think a lot of it stems from the dynamics of the relationship.  This would not go over very well if your relationship is a partnership.  For relatively extreme D/s relationships, it is not a partnership as much as a focal point and support.  That doesn't make it any less loving, it just shifts the priorities into a clear-cut hierarchy.  That is, what she needs and wants are important and while what he needs will be taken care of, anything after that is granted solely at her discretion. 

Not all subs have the mental capacity for this.  Not all Dommes have the desire to push a sub that deep and maintain that level of dynamics.  There are subs that thrive in this.  There are Dommes that thrive in this.  When those two types come together it is a beautiful fit of complimentary pieces.  She is the yin and he is the yang.  On the sub's part this requires a disciplined state of mind and an enjoyment of deep levels of subspace. 

When he reaches that state, the big takeaway feels natural... justified... the way it is supposed to be.  He wants to be free of distractions and completely obedient to her.  He wants to be aware of her control and he loves her for it.  Thinking about what he has lost pushes him deeper.  Deep down inside he waits for her to take away #2, #3, #4, and #5, as the loss of each one systematically penetrates his soul, strengthening her control over him... strengthening their bond.  With each one he feels less of his old self as he becomes even more a vessel of her will.  Eventually, it doesn't feel like a loss at all.  It feels like love, each time he finds himself closer to what he wants to be: perfect for her.  He is grateful that she takes the time to shape him so.

Not all submissive men experience it in this way.  Some do.  I can say that it requires a lot of trust, a lot of love, and a lot of faith that this is how your lives should be. 

PS.  Lady Grey if you are reading this, I still think you could torture Karl in a fun way using a tournament bracket and having him pick the outcomes with penalties for each wrong game :)


  1. Yes, you are remembering correctly about the NCAA "takeaway". As you point out, such a thing "serves as a reminder that she can take anything... or grant anything. She is all powerful."

    As you also point out, it pales in comparison to taking a man's right to his own orgasms away. That particular takeaway is basic to real Femdom/sub relationships in my opinion, and is it really a pure takeaway if he willingly gives up that right? Or if he allows you to take away any privilege? Here comes that word "consensual" again, and I think Tina had - at that point - too little faith that any and all commands on her part would be accepted. As long as that doubt of consensuality (if that's a word) exists on the part of the Femdom, she can never be totally in control.

    Happily, after a period of initial training, I had (and have) no such doubts with Karl:) By the way, what a nasty little suggestion you made about torturing Karl! Shame on you. I'm certain that he'd call you a turncoat if I let him read it.

    1. Thank you, Lady Grey.

      This rings very true:
      "As long as that doubt of consensuality (if that's a word) exists on the part of the Femdom, she can never be totally in control."

      That has such an impact on confidence and the overall level of control. I have had to give reassurance many times over the years while that confidence and faith in my consent/obedience was firmly established. I believe a lot of that responsibility falls on the sub if he can sense the Domme is in doubt.

      I'm turning into a fairly regular turncoat lately :)
      I had brought up the idea back on your original post but you weren't familiar with the brackets then and was testing the waters to see if it was something that might be possible now. I'd have to wonder if that would be worse than the takeaway... possibly letting him watch a game or two but have something unpleasant riding on it. Would he be excited that he got to participate with the tournament in some way or prefer to avoid it altogether?

      Take care.