Monday, April 3, 2017

30 Days of Kink: Day 14

How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

I think the primary difference between real life and fantasy are long-term consequences, repercussions, and after-effects.

I believe in fantasy it's easy to envision intense activities without worrying too much about the future.  E.g. In fantasy a punishment or beating might be incredibly severe.  In reality, the effects of that punishment may lead to bruising, scars, soreness, and the like that will affect you until it heals.  It is also easy for someone to fantasize about say, permanent chastity but the actual reality would end up being too much for them to bear in the long run.

While I do believe that fantasy has a good number of benefits for people, there is also sometimes a tendency to exaggerate a Domme's characteristics and abilities.  There is a lot of backlash against fantasy due to it creating unrealistic expectations.  This is always something to keep in mind.  

I believe I have been able to temper myself pretty well at creating "realistic" fantasies that take a lot of factors into consideration such as the Domme's preferences, time, space, money, and the like.


  1. Unrealistic expectations have probably ruined more D/s relationships than any other single factor. Fantasy doesn't usually match reality, period.

    1. Thank you, Lady Grey.

      That is true and I have seen the reality disappoint both Domme and sub alike.

      I find it's a bit of a fine line. If a newer Domme were to read your blog, I would have to think that they would be flooded with all sorts of ideas that would make their brain spin. The ones they choose to explore likely will begin in their fantasies. While it may not pan out exactly like they had hoped, does that make it inherently wrong? I find it strange to match a lot of views on this as they often mostly pertain to subs.

      I do know that subs are usually the ones who dangerously sprint down the fantasy rabbit hole that it makes reality nearly impossible to match. I like to fantasize that I'm handsome and have a 6-pack sometimes :)

      Take care.