Public Humiliation Accessory - Bells

After the first panty experience I wrote about in my last post my Mistress wanted to increase my level of self-consciousness at all times.  The first thing she did was have a small jingle bell tied to a string that she wanted me to wear around my neck at all times.  If I was good, I could wear the bell under my shirt.  If I was bad, she would order me to wear the bell outside of my shirt.  Under the shirt gave a slight ticking sound when I walked, but over the shirt gave the full on jingle.  This weighed on my mind rather heavily when I was out and about, even when nothing else was involved.

Bells were also integrated into punishment.  Corner time with bells in order to keep me still.  If the bells jingled, there would be additional punishments.  This was especially bad if I had to sneeze or had an itch somewhere.

She had planned to make some bracelets/anklets, necklaces, cock ring, and clips that would have jingle bells on them for public humiliation.  e.g. having to wear two elastic anklets with jingle bells on them that would jingle with every step I took.  When she started to bring up the idea of dressing me up and humiliating me in public she wanted to add bells in order to draw the attention of more people if I was jingling loudly.  

Circumstances prevented these events from ever happening but they still manage to get into my head every now and then and it brings up a cache of emotions.

Humiliation Starts in the Mind

Much of the rush of public humiliation is a product of the mind. 

I can remember the first time that I was ordered to wear panties under my clothes when we went out shopping (panties have never been a fetish of mine and they still aren't to this day).  This was very early in my first D/s relationship.  I didn't want to do it but I got a warning of what would happen if I didn't so I didn't offer much resistance.  My mind was racing around about it and I was feeling incredibly self-conscious.  This was really one of the first major mind-fucks I ever received.  I stayed relatively quiet while we were shopping and after a while Mistress started whispering things in my ear. 

"She knows you're wearing panties."
"They can all tell you're a perverted panty boy."
"See that girl over there?  She's looking at you funny, I know that she knows."

Each time she would say something it would make me blush profusely and I was getting pushed deeper and deeper into subspace... even though I knew what she was saying wasn't really true, my mind was so clouded that it was as if she was speaking the truth.  The deeper I found myself in subspace the more turned on it made me and soon after she noticed the bulge in my pants and the comments happened more frequently and there were even some threats about shopping for more panties for me that day since she liked what it was doing to me.

Several years later while I was with my second Mistress I had a similar type of rush in the mind.  We had been out shopping and found a pair of pink gloves trimmed with pink fur that she was going to make me wear.  Later in the week she ordered me to go to the store with the gloves and find a matching hat and sweater.  Matching = must match perfectly.  Perfect match = I would have to bring the gloves with me.

This was ordered as a solo trip so I went off to the mall that had a few stores we would often shop at together.  I had the gloves in my coat pockets and when I first found something that I thought was similar, I found it was incredibly difficult for me to take the glove out of my pocket to see if it matched.  As I was about to do it for the first time I was hit with this incredible paranoia that was similar to the panties trip, it felt like I was surrounded by other shoppers and that all of them were paying attention to what I was doing (and assuming that I was shopping for myself and not for a gift).  I would kind of go to a secluded area to compare and I'm guessing I must have looked a lot like a shoplifter.  Luckily, the hat was easier since I found one of the same brand from the same collection and knew it was a perfect match.

I believe the trip was ordered since she knew I would feel that way and she asked me to tell her about the trip later.

Isn't it odd how there doesn't have to be any real humiliation to feel humiliated?

Dream Bondage Device - Cold Weather Depersonalization Mask

My fetishes are a bit ironic considering I hate cold weather, especially since many of my dreams end up being in cold weather scenarios.  Sticking to the depersonalization theme of the two recent posts, it got me thinking about a particular dream that involved a cold weather climate and many male slaves.

In this particular dream the slaves wore uniforms had their faces covered at all times.  Since it was cold they wore knit ski masks, but the ski masks they wore had no holes for the eyes or mouth so they were more like having a long stocking cap pulled over the head.  They also had a leather locking strap that would secure it around the neck and could be locked to a collar. 

If you remember back when you were younger and you would mess around with kids in school pulling each other's hats down over the eyes, while this blocks a lot of your vision, you can still see a little bit between the tiny gaps in the knitting (although it does have a severely limited field of vision).

Thus, the slaves in the masks could still see enough to perform most tasks but it made delicate tasks much more difficult as well as hindered their abilities to defend themselves from abuse or discipline from women. 

From a depersonalization standpoint, these faceless masks assisted in making the men appear "less than human" and anonymous (in a replaceable/expendable sense).  It also removed their facial expressions and in conjunction with a gag, it would remove most indicators of pain levels when they would be disciplined through corporal punishment.   

While I'm sure these could be in any color, my dreams tend to gravitate around certain trends and the masks were usually some feminine pastel color with a huge, dorky fur pom pom on top. 

I can draw some sketches if people request that but at the same time I tend to enjoy the exercise of visualizing something based upon a textual description.  Everyone seems to come up with their own unique interpretation and that is often way more fun than spoiling it with a drawing.

"That Look" - Facial Expressions and Reactions

I've talked a bit in the past about sissies and fetishes for humiliation.

One of the things in public humiliation that tends to get to them in fantasy or reality is the reaction of women (or men).  While many may fantasize about playful interaction, in most cases a reaction from afar is the most they can hope for.  These might range from a double take to some playful whispers to a friend to outright disgust.  Overall I think that most of these reactions can't be faked... or at least not well. 

Having been humiliated in public before, I've found that things like a natural surprise, shock, smirk, or giggle just don't seem to represent well in a staged setting.  With this in mind, I can imagine it would be hard for someone who really enjoys public humiliation to be able to get off to humiliation porn.  Most pictures attempting to display shock or surprise end up coming off completely fake and unnatural. 

I'm not a huge fan of being humiliated publicly but I have stumbled upon one picture that did seem to get my blood pumping.  It's not perfect, but better than most attempts at looking shocked.

Femdom Dream Scenario - Legalized Male Slavery

I had some recurring dreams that popped up quite a bit back when I was reading a lot of fetish fiction.  I wrote a bit about depersonalization in my last post and it reminded me of these dreams.  While not all of them had all factors in common, I will try to recount as much detail as possible.


The scenario is a country where it is legal to own male slaves.  All men are considered lower class to women but some of them retain some form of autonomy, although their behaviors and actions are severely limited and they could easily lose their independent status.  In a few of the dreams all men were slaves.

Men who become slaves are processed by the state.  They are stripped of their names and given a number in its place.  Their bodies are permanently depilated leaving only the eyebrows and eyelashes (eyebrows help show fear).  They are tattooed with bar codes and their serial numbers in several spots on their bodies, and in a few dreams they are graded by quality (intelligence, physical appearance, etc.) which is also tattooed onto their body.  Each slave is implanted with a tracking chip and fitted with a chastity device.

Slaves are required to wear uniforms in a color that is dictated as the "slave color."  Slaves are distributed both for private ownership (either through a waiting list or auction) and those unclaimed by individuals are owned by the state.  In most of the dreams the uniforms for privately owned slaves and state slaves are different in style but they share the common color.

Slaves are prohibited from speaking and state-owned slaves wear a gag 24-7.  A woman may do anything she wants to a state slave or her own slave without repercussions.  Any slaves allowed out in public are required to be fitted with some form of restraint system and must have their faces covered.

I can go more in depth if anyone wants to know more but I'm thinking shorter posts might be easier to read.

This scenario is a bit sci-fi, but those were some crazy dreams.   

Depersonalization

Depersonalization in BDSM (not to be confused with the psychological disorder) is an interesting fetish.

I've honestly never met a Domme that really enjoyed this with any subs she cared about.  That doesn't seem to stop many men from fantasizing about.  I'm guessing there are women out there who would rather enjoy a stable of depersonalized slaves serving their every whim, but chances are this too is probably relegated more to the fantasy realm.

What is it about depersonalization that makes it an object of fantasy?

From a sub's standpoint I can see it as a rather extreme form of submission where you are treated with indifference, often as a nameless, faceless servant or slave that can expect no pleasure from his Mistress.  Denial of pleasure is often that great, deep, "I don't understand this" fetish fantasy.  That's not to say that it doesn't turn me on a bit, but I still don't really get it since I know I wouldn't enjoy it if it were to happen for longer than a few days.  For some reason, there's a bit of a charge for many male subs at the thought of being 100% expendable and replaceable. 

From a Domme's standpoint I can see a few potential appeals.  Having a nameless, faceless sub to be tortured at any level of intensity guilt-free, alleviates some of the mental burden of wanting to perform acts of significant cruelty that she is unwilling to perform on a sub she cares about.  The fantasy of having a hoard of nameless, faceless subs that exist only to serve her can give an elevation to almost Goddess-like status.

So how often does this actually happen?  From my experiences, not often, but it can be used as a role-play scenario during a play session to a mild degree of success.  I can't say I've met anyone with a 24-7 D/s relationship who practices this regularly.

Any thoughts?

Loss of Sentimental Value

It's been a while since I last wrote.  I've had a lot to process emotionally and had a lot of other things on my mind lately.

Something that has come to mind lately is how I have changed over the years in terms of objects that have held sentimental value to me.  When I was younger I used to treasure everything and save everything.  Things that brought about good memories, things that reminded me of friends, family, etc.  I would save it all and it hurt me to part with it.

I'm not sure when exactly, but I think it was about ten years ago when things started to change for me, but I now save things habitually but then when I stumble across them while cleaning I end up throwing them out without a second thought.  I don't know why, but I think it has a lot to do with losing so many loved ones over the years and also being betrayed by those whom I had loved and trusted. 

I'm not sure if I've just never healed from the sad experiences I have had over the years but it's possible I have just gotten very good at moving on.  I really can't say whether or not this is a good thing, but it seems the loss of sentimental value gives me a bit of an empty feeling inside and reminds me of a time when I was willing to put all of my eggs in one basket knowing they would eventually be broken. 

Subs on Loan

Lady Grey asked about my thoughts on subs being swapped or loaned out to another Dominant with the Domme's approval, so here it goes...

In the past I've thought a bit about being loaned out or exchanged temporarily to serve another woman.  I think some of it falls into "typical male fantasy" area, under the fantasy pretense that the woman he is loaned to will be stunningly beautiful and absolutely perfect in the way she dominates.  Basically, it's pretty common in a grass is greener sense.

Getting that fantasy out of the way and looking at it from reality, there's a few different ways of looking at it.

Scenarios a Domme might use:
-Sending her sub to an uber-strict Domme so that he can learn appreciation for his own Mistress.

-Sending her sub to a D/s situation that isn't sexual in the slightest.

-Sending her very loyal sub to a Domme in order to press his loyalty to its limits.  
-Sending her very loyal sub to a Domme that is an overt tease in an effort to give a conflict between his heart and his genitals.

-Sending her sub to a Domme for specific training that she doesn't wish to partake in.
-Sending her sub to a much less strict Domme as sort of a vacation.
-Temporarily trading him for another sub.

As I am making this list I'm starting to see some of the reasons for instigating this.
1.  Wanting the sub to be treated more harshly than she wishes to treat him.  Make him dread the thought of serving a different woman and focus on improving his behavior.
2.  Wanting the sub to undergo mental distress at serving someone else (while knowing if he does poorly she will be upset). 
3.  Wanting the sub to learn full appreciation for his current situation.   Shatter the typical male fantasy with cold, harsh reality.

4.  For her own amusement.
5.  To show off her sub to another woman friend.  Let him display his best behavior.
6.  Rewarding him with a more casual form of servitude for the quality of his service.
7.  Making him jealous knowing that another sub is serving his Mistress.

From a Domme's perspective, I would be very wary if he was gung ho about serving another woman (if even only for a few hours).  This seems to raise questions about loyalty and he might be wishing things were closer to his perfect fantasy. 

That being said, I would say it will probably only benefit the both of you if he hates the idea of it and knows the prospects of it will not be enjoyable.

From a sub's perspective, I think a change might be exhilarating, but a sub that truly wishes to serve another woman (even on loan) is probably looking for another Mistress or is seeking a particular level of depersonalization or abuse.  In the former case that is a bad sign, in the latter case that might be understandable but uncommon.

Personally, I've enjoyed the idea of serving a group of women with my Mistress there or being "tag teamed" by her and another woman, but rarely have I wished to serve another woman unless I really wanted to be with someone else.

Any thoughts?

Extreme Behavior Modification - The KTB

First off, I am going to start this post off with the statement that these things scare the living crap out of me and I wouldn't ever want to wear one.  The concept is, however, an interesting one.

For those unfamiliar with the KTB, the name is short for "Kali's Tooth Bracelet" or "Kali's Teeth Bracelet."  The KTB is a simple chastity device that involves a metal ring that is locked around the penis, but the inside of the ring is covered in spikes (ranging from short and dull to long and quite sharp).

The idea is that the ring will be fitted around the penis when it is flaccid.  The fit is snug but not tight.  If the wearer attempts to remove the ring the skin will bunch up and get pinched by the teeth (possibly causing bleeding depending upon the fit and types of spikes).  If the wearer attempts to get an erection, the penis will press against the spikes and cause extreme pain and the penis will immediately return to a flaccid state.     

Pretty simple.  If you are a guy and reading this you are probably crossing your legs by now.  If you are a woman and reading this I have absolutely no clue what kind of reaction you are having to this but I would guess it's probably at some extreme end of "Sweet!" or "HELL NO!"  I can say that I read somewhere before that these were out of production for several years due to too many injuries happening.

What strikes me as interesting about something that I would have no desire to partake in is that this is really a different kind of chastity device and it really provides some insight that there are really very different types of Mistresses out there. 

You probably already know that the traditional male chastity devices work by holding the penis at an angle or curve and restricting the amount of enlargement that is possible in order to prevent an erection.  By encasing the penis it also prevents any form of pleasurable touching.  However, it does allow for the penis to TRY to get erect against its confines, leaving the sub in a state of incredible sexual frustration.  In most cases, this frustration is the enjoyable part of chastity, heightened awareness of hornyness building to an explosive volcanic orgasm upon release.

This is the key difference of the KTB.  Instead of feeding the fires of sexual frustration, it provides a severe negative consequence for even attempting an erection.  Rather than preventing orgasms, it conditions in a factor of self-control:  the sub shouldn't even try to get hard without permission.  I actually think the end result is kind of neat.  If you had enough self-control to respond to verbal commands regarding whether or not you have an erection.  Aside from Buddhist Monks known for exerting incredible levels of body control, wouldn't subs trained with a KTB pull in a close second? 

I would never actually want to wear one of these but I would find it something to be prideful of if you could simply go erect or flaccid whenever ordered to. 

Any thoughts?

The Aftermath

Well, Tuesday evening we talked things through.  She told me she was prepared to end things.  I said that I wasn't willing to give up but things had to improve... quite a bit. 

When I got ripped into earlier in the day I got a bit defensive and said some things that were my true feelings but in a way that was meant to be a somewhat hurtful reality check.  I regret doing that but it seemed to get the gears turning.  She did some research on severe PMS symptoms and came up with this:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pmdd/an01372

Basically, she exudes heavily nearly every symptom of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) that starts about 4 days before her period and lasts until the day she has her period, where they completely vanish.  From our talk she had told me that this is how she had always been during PMS times and she never gave the severe impulses much thought until now.  This was a bit odd, considering that those impulses were often along the lines of killing someone, killing herself, wanting to beat the shit out of people (not in a BDSM way), binge eating, saying and doing hurtful things with the knowledge that they were hurtful, etc.

I'm a bit weirded out by this, but it makes sense.  At the same time, I'm not sure just how much things will change since it's mostly based upon her wanting to change or not and get treatment for PMDD, and so on.  I still feel a bit like I'm sitting on a bomb but at the same time this does indicate progress considering it's the first time my referencing PMS wasn't met with an immediate "fuck you" and some physical attack. 

Tuesday ended well.  Wednesday was decently good but ended early with her departure for work.

Today was, well... not as bad as Tuesday morning but things dropped off a bit.  She slept for 7 hours this morning until afternoon (~7:40am-2:40pm), then slept from ~4:00pm until ~7:30pm, then was almost dozing off from ~9:10-9:35pm.  She had to leave for work at 9:40pm and so I turned on the bright light in the room at 9:37 since she still had to get ready for work and this was the only way I felt was sure to get her up.  This was met with a scowl, some angry words, and I felt emotionally distanced from when she got up until she left for work.  Would I have been better off letting her be late for work or did I make the right choice and the outcome still sucks?

I'm not trying to over-react or be overly dramatic or anything with this, but it made my heart sink a bit.  I'll keep trying to work through things.

Hitting the Fan

Well, I started this blog about a month ago after a pretty major PMS-fueled fight I had with my Domme/Girlfriend.  There were a lot of things I needed to get off my chest and sort through both in my head and heart.  Basically, this was a forum for me to gather my thoughts and reaffirm my beliefs as a human, man, and submissive.  Over the past 6+ months she has been working 3rd shift 4+ nights a week and I'm a night owl that doesn't do well when having all the time in the world alone to stew in my thoughts and I ended up turning here.

We've been together nearly four years.  Communication got tough after the first year or so, but we managed to keep the wheels on although things almost derailed several times over that span even with things being fairly dysfunctional.  I have a way of adapting to whatever lifestyle I'm living and finding ways to outlet my time and emotions.  Over the past couple of years, the D/s nature of our lifestyle has deteriorated quite a bit and it's gotten to the point where we have maybe a month of "on" time during the summer and 1-2 weeks during the holidays for us to connect on that level.  During the rest of the year we seem to average one evening of "on" time every 4-6 weeks and a couple of hours here and there over that span.  Basically, we're sort of a vanilla couple with kinky play every so often but we entered into the relationship through the BDSM scene.

After the first 6 months we began to fight here and there, which is fairly normal for any relationship.  As time passed, that got to be a bit more common and revolving around common themes.  I found it very difficult to help steer the relationship down the correct path when any input for changes I could give was reacted to in a negative way.  At this point, I seemed to just kind of adapt and just "exist" in the relationship outside of the "on" times that we had.  Starting about 2 years ago the fights got more and more frequent and more and more extreme.  Disarming someone when they've gone into defensive mode is really tough to do and usually it was more a matter of waiting for her to not be mad anymore than it was to change things to avoid those same pitfalls.  Last year I started noticing trends in the fights.  They got more and more frequent... and pretty much we were having a major argument once a month.

For 3-4 days a month her behavior would go completely irrational and paranoid and she would fly off the handle at the drop of a hat.  After about 4 months of this I started noticing that we would fight horribly for a few days then she would get her period and things would be comfortable again.  I started marking the calendar at this point and noticed that, like clockwork, the fights would happen 3-4 days before her period was due.  Keep in mind I'm not some asshole guy who wants to blame all the flaws in women on their period.  I'm a very sensitive guy and I was searching for answers as to why I was on the receiving end of some heavy emotional abuse that was happening fairly regularly. 

In our relationship we both use the internet quite a bit.  We have an agreement to do whatever we want on there as long as it's nothing we "shouldn't" be doing.  About 18 months ago I got into an online situation I shouldn't have and she found it by digging through my browser history, emails, and chat logs (which also happened to be during a PMS time).  I know that I did something that was wrong and I shouldn't have.  She knows she violated my privacy by going through my computer and promised she wouldn't do that again.  I also promised not to do anything questionable. 

She regularly chats with Dommes, Doms, and subs and receives 30+ emails a day via adult networking sites.  Not once have I ever doubted her although I was honest with her that it hurt my feelings when she started looking at male subs for doggie-style sex and strap-on play.  I'm unable to get it up for doggie style (I can only get hard when I'm on bottom, being a top in doggie style just doesn't turn me on) and anal was on my list of hard limits when we first got together.  I offered a compromise of getting some kind of extension or male strap on for doggie style and I rescinded my hard limit, allowing her to violate me. 

This morning I awoke to a kick in the leg and accusations of "cheating" online with another woman.  I had only been asleep around 3 hours (I got to bed too late) and was very groggy.  This was a bit frustrating but I managed to assure her that there was nothing weird going on.  As I got ready to check my email I found my history was open and she had visited every blog and fetish-oriented site in my history and left it open so I would know she had done it.  This made me fairly angry and it led to another argument.  Oddly enough, but I checked the date and it's been 26 days since her last period.

Right now I'm not quite certain where I stand emotionally on things.  She wasn't angry that I had a blog and she saw from some of my posts just how unhappy and unfulfilled I've been.  She also knows that I can't talk to her about those things because it just leads to more arguments and hurt feelings when I try to be honest about how I'm feeling with her.  Her feelings were hurt that I didn't share it with her.  I figured that if she couldn't have a conversation about it in person without blowing up that it probably wouldn't go over very well by reading it either.

I don't really know how I feel.  I feel like my trust has been betrayed a bit.  It would be easy to say something here like "a sub shouldn't need privacy," but the reality of it is that our relationship is Femdom for around 50 total days a year and vanilla for around 315 days a year.  That's not to say that I don't do a lot of things for her.  Even though we don't live together, I cook about 80% of the meals, do most of the shopping, and babysit her son 20+ hours a week.  I don't complain when she has a night off and chooses to go out for drinks with co-workers rather than spending time with me and/or her son.  I don't complain when we go 70+ days without intimacy.

I just don't know if I can bear hanging onto this when I get attacked on a monthly basis to the point where I want to curl up and just cry.  I don't know if it's worth it anymore. 

The mix of sadness, distrust, and frustration are keeping me from having a clear head.

In Need of Ideas

I seem to have lost a bit of intensity in my writing lately.  I think this may be a good thing since it means there aren't a lot of pressing thoughts or feelings that I need to think through but at the same time I feel a bit at a loss when I sit down to write.

If anyone has any ideas for new posts or would like me to elaborate on something I talked about in a previous post please let me know.  Otherwise I will probably take a bit of a break from writing blog entries and will probably stick to reading blogs and making some comments here and there until my muse returns. 

Tactile Pleasure and Discomfort

I know many Dommes out there would describe themselves as sensualists.  Something that I have experienced over the years is the use tactile pleasure and discomfort on a fairly regular basis.  On the pleasure side it's often been used as part of my humiliation, tease & denial, or even as a reward.  On the discomfort side it's been more... hrm... pure suffering?

Materials that come to mind that I think feel really good:
-Fur (big shock here)
-Silk
-Cashmere

Materials that I don't think feel quite as good but are interesting nonetheless:
-Chenille
-Angora
-Shearling
-Certain soft Leathers (kidskin, lambskin, calfskin, etc.)

It puzzles me a bit that most of these materials only exist in women's clothing, but that's something I wrote about back in March.  What makes sense is that many of the Dommes I have met seem to harbor a lot of preference towards materials that feel good on the skin.  In play, when attempting to tease me, these similar materials have been used to evoke a positive result.

They make items for women like fur bra liners/nipple warmers and plenty of pleasing undergarments.  I'm curious if any Dommes out there have ever used pleasurable materials in clothing as a reward for their sub or to keep their sub in a state of arousal?

e.g. undershirts or underwear of a particular material or having some of a pleasurable material attached inside their undergarments over the nipples or genitals with hemming tape, etc.

On the flip-side of this are materials that are rough and irritating to the skin.  Certain wools and felts can be quite scratchy and rough but going even farther, what about materials like burlap and sand paper?  I've experienced some of these as some rather torturous play before but it's never gone beyond that.  I have read of cases of Dommes gluing/taping/stitching some of the unpleasant materials over the nipples inside of undershirts so that their subs would have constantly aroused and raw, tender nipples but these cases have been few and far between. 

I can only imagine spending a day at work with burlap squares constantly rubbing my nipples and/or genitals.  That would be quite unpleasant.  I also have seen certain sissy maid outfits that are made out of stiff, rough, and scratchy materials to be used as punishment (these will usually lock on). 

I'm curious if anyone else out there has integrated these types of things into every-day use or if they think that either of these cases would be a good idea?

Revisiting Fetish and Obsession

Many male subs out there get a bit obsessed about their fetishes.  I have done some writing before on how fetishes develop, etc. but something I hadn't really thought about is whether obsessions happen because of fetishes, or do fetishes happen because of obsession?

I'm guessing this is basically a chicken or the egg debate that has no real answer, but it makes me curious anyways.  My previous post on fetishes is located here http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/03/fetishism-in-men-and-women.html

I've never been a big fan of the clinical definition of fetish as I think it tends to lump things together that are quite different.  Generally the psychological community is trained to think that fetishes are a sexual attraction to a non-sexual body part or object.  While this describes many types of fetishes that are in fact out there, it tends to either eliminate or include things that fall into the gray area in between.  In the clinical approach, a high heeled shoe fetish means a guy who wants to have sex with or jerk off into a high-heeled shoe.  What about the guy who doesn't want to have sex with a shoe but gets an almost uncontrollable sexual urge when that shoe is being worn by a woman? 

I guess it is all just semantics but I figured I should cover my definition of fetish before getting too deep into this.  For the hell of it I did a dictionary search for fetish and found an entry that is a lot closer to my working definition.

Here is what was written there:
Fetish - an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression.

I like this definition a lot better.

My own definition:  An object, body part, or event that is not part of generally accepted sexual activities that elicits a sexual response greater to or equal than generally accepted sexual activities.
e.g. Something other than breasts, legs, genitalia, sexual intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, etc. that gets you off just as hard or harder than those things.

I realize my definition probably blurs the lines between "strong turn on" and fetish, but if you have ever visited a true fetish site, men have this eerie way of turning a strong turn on into a fetish over a few short years. 

I do agree with the dictionary definition of obsession and will work with that definition:
Obsession - a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling.

Strictly from a definition standpoint it might seem that obsession and fetish are almost the same thing (all fetishes are obsessions, not all obsessions are fetishes) but my experiences with most men that are involved on fetish sites I have come to view them a bit differently.  Having a fetish is one thing... being unable to talk about anything but that fetish is an obsession. 

I realize I am dealing with only a small sub-set of the population with this but at the same time I am also writing with only that small sub-set in mind and writing to a slightly larger sub-set of the population.  As I've been writing this I think I have come to an answer to my initial question: 

Strong turn on and repeated fantasizing/masturbation to that turn on leads to a fetish.  Continued fantasizing/masturbation to that fetish leads to an obsession. 

I've seen/heard/read many Dommes complain about the one-track minds of many male subs out there, especially when it comes to obsessions over fetishes.  The easiest example is probably something that exists but is commonly looked at with an "ew, gross" attitude even in a community full of fetishes... so... how about scat fetish. 

I have known several Dommes that used to get contacted heavily by a few subs with a scat fetish even though they had scat play clearly listed in their lists of things they wouldn't do and had no interest in.  On occasion they would speak with the sub and in most cases he would jump right into a fantasy cyber session trying to get her to play along with taking a shit on his chest.  While sometimes they were able to find them interesting as a person, before long it usually gravitated towards the same experience. 

While I feel a bit for the subs out there that let themselves get pulled too deep into obsession at the same time I sometimes think they need a good smack to the head.   If you find yourself falling into this trap make sure you can get control of your obsession to the extent that it doesn't cause you to be alone forever.  The alternative is to only seek out those Dommes that directly share your fetish and obsession.

Is there anything useful that can be learned from this?

To the subs out there, chill out when you approach a Domme.  Be a human first before you bring up your fetish (better yet, wait for her to ask).  Coming off as being obsessed can be rather off-putting and make you seem like you have a one-track mind and would make neither a good submissive nor lover.

To the Dommes out there, if in his first contact with you he immediately starts bombarding you with his obvious fetishes... actually, I probably don't have to say anything here except maybe that taking pity on him will only encourage him.

Rules for a Fur sissy

It's been a while since I posted any of the lists I was ordered to come up with several years ago.  In the spirit of my last post, I figured this might work as a follow-up.

I wasn't able to dig up actual lists of many of them but one that I remember was a set of rules for fur in sissy apparel in forced feminization.  Mistress (who also had a fur fetish) has a great deal of fun making me write this one since she knew I would have to go against everything that I enjoyed in order to please her (by stripping away things that I enjoyed).

For more details on what these lists entailed, my original post on them is here:
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/03/list-making.html

I've tried my best to recreate that list here:

-A sissy should obtain no pleasure from wearing fur.  Fur should never contact their skin in a pleasurable way nor should it feel luxurious in any way.  Fur for sissies should only be used as an adornment, accenting the frills of the ensemble in a manner that contributes towards their humiliation.  Pleasure from fur is a privilege reserved only for women.

-A sissy's fur should never exceed the caliber of his Mistresses'.  A sissy's fur should display the status difference between himself and his Mistress and his fur should always be of noticeably diminished quality in comparison to her's.

-A sissy should never depend on fur for warmth.  Basic layering techniques should be employed first with fur being used as a finishing touch to complete the ensemble as instructed by the Mistress. 

-A sissy's fur should be well-kept and  immaculate at all times.  Soiled furs will not be tolerated and failure to maintain this requirement will be severely punished. 

-A sissy's furs should not be fashionable or chic by the standards of contemporary women's fashions.  Sissy furs should emphasize extreme femininity and girlishness.

-A sissy in fur should be locked in chastity to avoid any potential temptation for unsupervised, non-permitted masturbation. 

-A sissy should be grateful for the privilege of wearing fur.  Improper attitudes will be immediately adjusted by the will of the Mistress.

Mistress had me kneel in front of her while naked and read her the list.  She was somewhat pleased with my list, especially since she knew coming up with a few of these rules stripped away any form of pleasure I could have received from the way she would dress me.

She did add a few additions since she didn't feel like the list was complete enough. 

-A sissy's fur should never be able to pass as masculine or unisex in its style and color.


-A sissy should get excited about wearing fur and display the appropriate attitude towards his Mistress.

-A sissy should dread the thought of wearing fur since it will always be an unpleasant experience.

Those last two can pretty much sum up the type of personality she had. 

After she made the additions she picked out clothes for me to wear, handcuffed my hands behind my back, and took me over her knee where I had to recite the rules back to her from memory while she spanked me until I cried.

Conflicted about the weather

Now that the weather has basically made a turn-for-the-better it has me both happy and sad at the same time.

I'll admit I'm a whiner.  I hate it when it's cold but I hate it when it's hot and muggy.  Unfortunately where I live it's really cold in the winter and really hot in the summer, a far cry from my ideal of 35 when cold and 75 when warm.  Something that I've noticed when traveling to more mild (or even warmer climates) is that women tend to grow accustomed to the weather and bundle up when it drops below 50 in those areas almost to the same extent that women do here when it's 10, so I don't really miss out on my fetish for women in fur.

I think the biggest downer for me about this time of year is that it will be months before my Mistress and I can go shopping for the fur and leather outerwear she enjoys wearing so much.  I know she misses it as well in addition to shopping for things that will be used to humiliate me.

Yes, I'm a whiner, but my heart longs for cooler weather.

Thoughts on Public Humiliation

A recent post over at http://forever-hers2010.blogspot.com/ got me thinking a bit about public humiliation.  Thinking in the way that I do when I decide to write about something to explore it and clarify some thoughts and feelings on it.  Many subs (especially sissies) desire or at least fantasize about public humiliation but it's usually within a set of boundaries in order to yield certain reactions and moving outside the boundaries will probably generate negative reactions from the sub.

Before I go too far into it, I should probably look at what types of public humiliation there are.  The way I see it, public humiliation basically has two primary outcomes:
1.  Humiliation that yields arousal, exhilaration, and emotional vulnerability in a sub.  I would call these good/bad feelings since they are in fact, being humiliated.
2.  Humiliation that yields bad feelings, self-disgust, and emotional vulnerability in a sub.  I would call these bad/bad feelings since there is no pleasure for the sub within the experience.

Public humiliation meant as punishment is probably most effective when the desired outcome is a bad/bad experience.  Public humiliation meant to inflict both agitation and arousal in a sub are probably best reserved for good/bad experiences.  Each sub is different in what will yield each type of results but there are some common themes.  

A few common scenarios:
-Being humiliated in front of women who are strangers.
-Being humiliated in front of women who are known.
-Being humiliated in front of men who are strangers.
-Being humiliated in front of men who are known.
-Being humiliated in front of both men and women.
-Being humiliated in front of a family member (or multiple members).
 
When dealing with good/bad humiliation, I think a lot of insight into the submissive psyche can be derived from what type of public humiliation a sub desires. 

I could be wrong, but I would guess that a sub who wants to be humiliated in front of people they know, deep down desires to have their submissiveness acknowledged by those people they know.  By having that happen they will be forced to continuously deal with those people with them knowing their big secret.  If they can treat them normally that is fine, but in some cases they probably desire to be teased about it. 

A sub that wishes to be humiliated in front of strangers may have dual desires.  On one hand they don't want any repercussions from the experience.  If they will never see that person again that is fine.  However, I think there is some latent desire to have one of the strangers play along and get to know them.  In this way they can save the difficult step of having to explain their desires for humiliation and this person will go along with the fantasy accepting them for who they are.

Based upon my experiences interacting with sissies, most of them that I have come into contact with that desire humiliation in front of men are either gay or bisexual (even if they haven't admitted that to themselves).  Often the humiliation provides a buffer for those desires and allows them to take part in activities they normally would avoid without guilt or shame beyond the humiliation itself.

A man who wishes to be humiliated in front of women will often seek some feelings of inferiority or inadequacy.  Many humiliation fantasies involving women also tend to hope for active sexual interaction by the women.  If that were to happen I think part of the desire roots in a longing to interact sexually with said women who will accept him as he is.  It's a win-win situation in the mind.  If she laughs and rejects you that is fine since it reaffirms your feelings of inadequacy, but if she accepts you and has you service her that's even better. 

Overall, it seems much of the public humiliation can serve validate a sub's desires and beliefs about himself.

In reality, public humiliation raises some interesting moral dilemmas.  If you are humiliated in public in some way you are forcing any innocent bystanders to take part in the act of humiliation.  While many onlookers might get a good laugh and enjoy it there are others that may be completely offended by what is happening and wished that they hadn't been there. 

This can be a slippery slope and it tends to swivel upon a person's definition of consent in a BDSM scenario. 

Having experienced both good/bad and bad/bad types of humiliation I can say that a lot of the feelings brought on by the experience are dependent upon the reactions of those you are humiliated in front of.  Overall, when a reaction from a bystander is turning a blind eye and body language wishing they weren't there it seems to trigger a lot of negative feelings within me.  This type of reaction has turned situations that should have been good/bad into bad/bad experiences. 

I might just have too much of a stereotypical male fantasy when it comes to public humiliation.  I only desire to be humiliated in front of women who are either strangers or those that know me in the lifestyle and only if they are willing active participants.  The fact that this "gets me off" leads me to more questions about myself but I will have to tackle those another time.

Any comments?

Dream Bondage Device - Molded Metal Restraints

I had debated writing about these since they are complete sci-fi fantasy fiction that happened to jump into my dreams a while back and made several appearances when I dreamed about similar worlds.  But hey, someone might find them hot, so I figured what the hell.

I had a rather intense dream that happened in a country where men were enslaved, controlled, and monitored by women.  Each male wore a pair of metal cuffs on the wrists and ankles, a belt, and a collar.  They were solid metal without any seams or openings (read as: there was no way to remove them).  Inside each of the restraints were electronics for monitoring location/GPS and health status (pulse, blood pressure, arousal, etc.) as well as capable of delivering punishment jolts to various parts of the body. 

Each of the restraints had an electromagnetic locking feature.  On some flat spots on the collar, cuffs, and belt if the electromagnetic lock was activated, one item could be "locked" to another one via electromagnets.  Wrists or ankles together, wrists to the collar, wrists to the belt, etc.  Also, tethers could be inserted and locked to the flat spots forcing them to be connected by a chain or cable and secured to the item by the same magnets.  In the world where the dream occurred, there were areas like hitching posts as well as spots on walls where subs could be secured by the electromagnets to pads on the posts or walls.  The configuration of how they were to be secured was dictated by a woman via remote control.  The pull of the locks was so strong that activating them would actually pull the limbs to the desired locking position and these devices were worn below the clothes since clothing would not interfere with the pull of the magnets. 


Thankfully, one of my dreams actually involved the application and explanation of these so I have some idea of how these work.  Each of the items starts out as a set of electronics encased in a flexible and mold-able substance of a similar consistency to fresh clay.  The items would then be molded around the body for a snug fit.  Once fitted, the clay-like substance was treated with a liquid that would cause it to solidify into a hard metal alloy that wouldn't rust and was nearly unbreakable. 

There were a few variants including both a chastity device that was part of the belt as well as a head harness that included an in-mouth gag that had an on/off switch allowing or preventing free motion of the jaws as an eye shield that could be made clear or opaque via remote.

Plot holes in the dream:
-Constant exposure to strong electromagnets would likely cause cancer in the wearers.
-Since they were molded snug to the body it didn't allow much for that area of the body to get larger or smaller due to weight/muscle gain/loss, making them not quite so feasible.
-There wasn't ever a notion that they could be removed since they would be impossible to cut (this was alluded to) but this further conflicts with the 2nd point.  This could be rectified if there was a similar process for converting it back into the softer material but that was never brought up in the dream and this would dull some of the "extremeness" of the situation if there was a possibility of removal.

Yes, these are far fetched, but the idea of a permanent restraint device that could be worn under clothing while giving your Mistress full status of your location, physical status, and the ability to execute punishment or restraint at the touch of a button is kind of a fun thought. 

Dream Bondage Device - In-Ear Monitors

Another device that has shown up in dreams uses a method of sensory deprivation.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with sensory deprivation, basically it's using some means to block a particular sense (or senses) with the end result being a sense of isolation in the sub as well as a heightened response from the other senses (in most cases for BDSM purposes, the heightened sense ends up being touch).  Common methods include using a blindfold to block sight and earplugs to prohibit hearing.  A sort of this can also be achieved by flooding a particular sense with a strong sensation that cannot be escaped, e.g. shoving wet panties in the sub's mouth or over his head with the crotch over his nose.  It acts as a form of deprivation since that will dominate their taste or smell.  Used in combination with one another can lead to a particularly intense experience for a sub.

The particular method of sensory deprivation that has shown up in my dreams is a spin on earplugs.  If you are familiar with performing musicians, you probably know that most performers use some form of monitor (usually a speaker on the floor in front of them, pointing at them) to hear themselves and make sure their playing or singing is correct/good.  With greater concern over hearing loss in recent years, a product known as an in-ear monitor has been developed to help prevent long-term ear damage.  An in ear monitor is basically a wireless set of headphones that transmits what would normally be played over a floor monitor (upward pointing speaker).  The key feature of in-ear monitors is that they also double as earplugs so that the volume that enters the ear can be controlled.  Most sound isolation in ear monitors block out ~90% of sounds that aren't coming through the monitor and if the monitor is turned up fairly loud, it pretty much blocks out all external sound.

The transmitter for an in-era monitor can basically be set to send out any sound source, microphone, stereo, etc. and has a range of upwards of 300'.  

Enough on of the background info and onto the meat...

In my dreams there have been repeated cases that involved some form of modified in-ear monitors.  In my dreams these are slightly different in several ways.   These block out 100% hearing when there is nothing being transmitted.  These are shaped a bit more like hearing aids than ear bud headphones and have the receiver on board without the need for an external receiving box and have an almost limitless range (exceeding that range hasn't been a factor).  The dream monitors can be locked onto the head via a simple harness so they cannot be removed and are fully waterproof.

In dreams involving these monitors they are locked onto a sub and the monitors receive broadcasts of the Mistress' voice when she speaks into a microphone (lapel, wrist-watch, etc.) and he can't hear anything except what she chooses.  In addition to her voice she could have music, white noise, looped messages, signal tones, punishment sounds, etc.

It would be kind of interesting if you could only hear what she wanted you to hear.

male Writer's Block

While typing some comments this evening I started thinking again about something I have termed "male writer's block."

Male writer's block is basically encompasses a couple of conditions that can pop up whenever most men write something of a fetish nature.  There are men who are proficient and prolific fetish writers, so not all men are affected by these, but a good number are, myself included.  Short stories are easier to write because of this, especially if you are able to enter into the scenario in full swing with an established premise.  I applaud those who can finish longer works without any story degradation

Conditions:
-The blown load.  You've seen this happen lots of times in fetish stories.  A guy is writing out a story and is able to include incredible detail of situations with interesting characters, an intriguing plot, and plenty of masturbatory goodness.  The story eventually leads to some point that you can tell must be his fetish of choice, a climactic event occurs, and the story pretty much abruptly ends usually trailing off into a mediocre brief blurb of a summary.  What happened to the details?  The story progression?  Well, the author blew his load while writing the climactic event and lost his muse and tied off the ends as quickly as possible.


-Getting to the "good part."  They have an event in mind that takes place at the two-thirds mark of the story.  They start writing things out from the beginning and eventually grow bored of this stage.  As they approach the "good part" they spent all of their writing time and energy without ever getting there and they leave the story unfinished.  You will find many of these half-finished stories out there that have tons of potential but he's never gotten around to finishing it.

-Can you guess my fetish?  I have no issues with a writer injecting their own personal fetishes heavily into the story.  I do have issues when their story sucks because it becomes so obvious what their primary fetish is that it's the only part of the story with any quality.  e.g. "He walked down the street.  It was night time.  He looked over and saw a gorgeous blonde with large breasts wearing a pair of black, knee-high patent leather stilletto boots that gleamed in the moonlight.  The boots had a pointed toe, 5" heels, and laced up the front with a zipper on the side.  He saw her in the boots and it turned him on.  He walked up and talked to her and she seemed attracted to him for no apparent reason." 

Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?  I think what bugs me the most is that my attempts at stories tend to suffer from all three of these conditions. 

I wonder if women writers suffer from similar problems?