Femdom, Sexual Appetite, and Writing

A few of my last posts have talked a lot about the arousal in subs.  This seems like a logical next step.

I cannot even begin to understand the connection between D/s and arousal in a woman.  The best I am able to do is conjecture around the cause and effect game in my own experiences.  e.g. if I do X, Y happens.  You can spot common themes and trends in X, but how that leads to Y is still a big mystery.

It's easy to forget that many women have very active sexual imaginations and their means of building arousal is very very very different from a man's sudden erection.  To make it more complicated, how women go through this process is very unique from person to person.

K had an enormous sexual appetite.  Enormous on par with if we had sex every time she was horny, after 1 day I would have been sleeping with bags of ice tucked in my undies on a daily basis to keep swelling and bruising in check. ~20 orgasms a day was normal for her.  This isn't counting mini-gasms from chain orgasming, but 20 legit standalone orgasms.  Her earlier days in BDSM had championed a strong sexual hunger and she had no problem cutting loose and quite frankly, enjoyed the hell out of it.  Each orgasm fueled her hunger for the next one.  On our special days when we were together, this number was probably closer to 60-100.

Figuring out this much was simple:  kink fueled her arousal and her arousal fueled her kink.  The more turned on she was, the more dominant she would get.  The more dominant she would get, the more turned on she would get.  To many, this might seem like a dream situation, and in many ways it was.

She would get turned on by just about anything, her pants rubbing her, seeing a picture, reading something, me saying I'm horny, etc.  This would flip her D/s switch on and away we would go.  The intensity of her dominance went up with each orgasm, almost like it was her pressing on to the next level.

Without this, I'm not sure if we would have gone as far in D/s as we did in a short period of time.

F was very different.  She would get turned on somewhat easily, but she wanted to exercise control over it and would gradually stoke the fires until it was a blazing inferno.  Her dominance would grow the more aroused she got, but it was carefully metered, building step by step.  I am a bit of a brat when in subspace and occasionally would do things to intentionally make her fires burn hotter, e.g. shaking my butt.  Sometimes it worked, sometimes she would clamp down on it and force me into slavespace where I wouldn't do those things.  In both cases I was reminded of it later when she would finally bring the pain.

I could always see it in F's eyes when she kicked it up a notch.  There was usually a wicked grin, a laugh, or a change in posture that would let me know it was growing.  I always got the feeling that she would pay attention to the time and just use different events if she reached her heavily aroused state earlier than anticipated.

It was during these times that she would unleash the deepest parts of her sadism.  I remember kneeling on the kitchen floor on a pile dry rice, hands chained behind my back, nipple clamps and gagged, with her standing behind me just watching.  She didn't touch herself or speak.  If I whimpered she would giggle.  If I shifted she would grab my hair or my collar, shake it, and tell me to be still.  I could hear all the little noises she would make and each one was her getting deeper and deeper into her Domspace.  If you've never knelt on rice before, it really hurts, not super bad, but you will NOT be comfortable and over a long enough time it feels like each kernel is digging directly into your bones.

When she reached this state I no longer felt like she was responding to my endurance or devotion.  It was stripped down to me suffering and her knowledge that I was suffering by her hands.

Whether she reached this level of sadism or not, things always moved on to more sexual-type play at noon.  I know part of this was to work with our time-constraints, but I started to understand that F wanted to have all of her orgasms after she was as turned on as she was going to get for the day.  She wanted to orgasm when she was feeling as cruel as possible and she wanted as many orgasms as possible within that feeling until we would run out of time. 

I know a lot of female arousal gets downplayed in writing.  If you are observant, you'll find that it isn't actually downplayed, just masked in code words that some will understand while others do not.  These are unique to the individual writers.  You will also start to gather what turns them on by how much detail is included when writing about experiences.

I'll talk about code words first.  Sure there will be writing about men getting hard or women getting wet, but a lot more can be deduced from a code word once you have it figured out.  One example, if I say something "made me squirm," that means it gave me an erection, I felt embarrassed, and I felt myself slip deeper into subspace.

On the other hand, if a Domme writes something made her squirm (in a good way), it usually implies that things got very sensitive down there and there was probably some incidental stimulus that got her noticing it, e.g. her pants rubbed and she realized she was quite turned on.  Any reference to a twitch, twinge, or tightness of the abdomen means she was turned on enough to make her crave it.  For Dommes that enjoy humiliating a sub, references to things that she found amusing or made her giggle is the indicator that she responded with arousal.  I will keep one of my favorite author's code words secret unless it happens to come up via comments.

Using details as an indicator for D/s triggers is a lot more straight-forward but takes some practice to recognize it.  Using myself as an example to begin with:

If I were to encounter a Domme that was dressed like this:

I will most likely go into so much detail describing what she was wearing that you can picture it in your own mind.  I don't apologize for this because hey, that's hot, and to be honest, it turns me on.  Not everyone's cup of tea though.

If I write about rubbing feet, it'll feel fairly watered down.  While I enjoy giving foot rubs because of the pleasure it brings, it doesn't resonate with me much deeper than that.  When you read an entry written about a foot rub that includes specific details such as if the feet were wearing socks, stockings, or barefoot, specific areas where the feet were rubbed, kissed, licked, or sucked, and so on... you've found someone that gets heavily aroused by that experience.  It is in these highly detailed recounts where the code words are most likely to be found. 

I realize this post is sort of an all over the place mess, but what I was trying to convey when I started writing is that it's important to remember that Dommes get turned on by a lot of stuff too, you just don't always see it openly described in writing.  Even more so, it's a bummer when people try to downplay the sexual nature of Femdom.