Monday, May 23, 2016

Looking Back on some Old Comments

Way back in August, 2010 I received some comments to a blog entry I wrote on Putting the "Forced" in Forced Feminization.

The comments I received were in regards to a sissified sub in a D/s relationship and were as follows:
"Chastity is very important but so are removing choice and the mental anguish the inescapability of their situation causes. I remember the night i first put my sissy Martina's chastity device on her she was so angry she demanded i take it off. I said ok but you have to leave my house and never come back. When she sat back on the bed and and started crying at what i had done to her (her forced femming) i was very pleased. Going forward i would periodically give her a choice but the choice was always between two feminine chores/behavior's so even though she may not have wanted to do either she always had to choose one which was always humiliating for her."

I will be honest, when I read these comments they absolutely rocked me to the core of my subspace.  I read and re-read them, over and over.  Even now I could almost quote it verbatim.  Aside from the chastity bit, a lot of this ended up being, well, me.  I could have walked from my situations at any time but I would have never dreamed of doing so.  I was far too in love, far too devoted... I couldn't picture my life without her.

When I speak about being scared of myself it's because I don't see a bottom to the depths of my subspace.  I feel like I can just keep tumbling deeper and deeper.  Break me again, again and again.  I will adapt, my subspace will fall further into the abyss and I will flourish as a sub.

There are times when I know this is probably going too far.  There is a difference between offering something and having it forcibly taken.  What I offer is something different... I offer my all AND offer it to be taken.  I guess this has differed between the Dommes I have been with.  Some wished to have me present it to them... others wanted to bind me in chains and take it away from me.  At some point, I stopped differentiating between the two, the only difference being "she wants it" vs. "she wants it bad."  Either way is fine by me, when I offer myself, it's an "and/or" instead of an "either/or."  As I read back what I just wrote it seems really odd that no one has ever accused me of being a door mat.  I tend to view it as just being "adaptable," to be able to adjust to whatever she needs me to be.   

I can say that comments like these have often been referred to as seeming abusive.  These comments have often come from Dommes, who are commenting on the comments.  On some level, I can agree, if the sub has no clue what they are getting themselves into and not enough self-understanding to cope with it.  I don't know if I should still feel conflicted if it was something I was jumping into with both eyes open knowing full well that I was entering the deep end of the pool.

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