Way back in August, 2010 I received some comments to a blog entry I wrote on Putting the "Forced" in Forced Feminization.
The comments I received were in regards to a sissified sub in a D/s relationship and were as follows:
"Chastity is very important but so are removing choice and the mental
anguish the inescapability of their situation causes. I remember the
night i first put my sissy Martina's chastity device on her she was so
angry she demanded i take it off. I said ok but you have to leave my
house and never come back. When she sat back on the bed and and started
crying at what i had done to her (her forced femming) i was very
pleased. Going forward i would periodically give her a choice but the
choice was always between two feminine chores/behavior's so even though
she may not have wanted to do either she always had to choose one which
was always humiliating for her."
I will be honest, when I read these comments they absolutely rocked me to the core of my subspace. I read and re-read them, over and over. Even now I could almost quote it verbatim. Aside from the chastity bit, a lot of this ended up being, well, me. I could have walked from my situations at any time but I would have never dreamed of doing so. I was far too in love, far too devoted... I couldn't picture my life without her.
When I speak about being scared of myself it's because I don't see a bottom to the depths of my subspace. I feel like I can just keep tumbling deeper and deeper. Break me again, again and again. I will adapt, my subspace will fall further into the abyss and I will flourish as a sub.
There are times when I know this is probably going too far. There is a difference between offering something and having it forcibly taken. What I offer is something different... I offer my all AND offer it to be taken. I guess this has differed between the Dommes I have been with. Some wished to have me present it to them... others wanted to bind me in chains and take it away from me. At some point, I stopped differentiating between the two, the only difference being "she wants it" vs. "she wants it bad." Either way is fine by me, when I offer myself, it's an "and/or" instead of an "either/or." As I read back what I just wrote it seems really odd that no one has ever accused me of being a door mat. I tend to view it as just being "adaptable," to be able to adjust to whatever she needs me to be.
I can say that comments like these have often been referred to as seeming abusive. These comments have often come from Dommes, who are commenting on the comments. On some level, I can agree, if the sub has no clue what they are getting themselves into and not enough self-understanding to cope with it. I don't know if I should still feel conflicted if it was something I was jumping into with both eyes open knowing full well that I was entering the deep end of the pool.