Friday, June 10, 2016

So yeah...

Disclaimer:  the following post may paint a picture of generalizations based upon my experiences with male doms.  I have met a handful of them over the years that were positive experiences and interesting to interact with and I do not consider them a part of this pseudo-rant.

Last night something interesting happened.  Well not so much interesting but more like, "wow, that hasn't happened in a while."  I logged into messenger and got approached by a random guy.  This has happened dozens of times over the years and it's not something I appreciate all that much.  They immediately started asking me questions, including age, sex, and location.  I resisted the temptation to respond "1996, robot, AOL chat room," and did answer back.  They answered my questions as well, including if they got my messenger name from my blog or from a profile search.  It was a search (my profile is blank except for a username).

It was a male in their 40's and they immediately attempted to initiate some D/s interaction.  I made some reference that my Mistress wouldn't approve of this they paused, saying "oh, you serve a woman."  Bam, right back to exactly what they were doing.

While this was the first time this had happened in quite a while, it marked about the 50th time this scenario has happened with me.  Sometimes I see if the person will actually have a conversation but this is usually not the case so I log off.  It's like, damn, I try to build some connections and I seem to be a magnet for creeps.  This is such a contrast from when I get messaged by a Domme.  I'm usually surprised and a little bit awkward/intimidated in these cases, but they are always cordial, kind, and respectful.  Additionally, it's almost always for some conversation with clear boundaries and no expectations beyond some company and getting to know each other (aka building a friendship).

For some reason random men find it normal to open with "you like fur?  I like fur, now suck my dick."  Uhh, no?  I'd break both their arms before that would ever happen.

In my earlier days in the lifestyle I would hop into chat rooms now and then.  I almost always chose some gender neutral screen name that implied I was a sub but nothing more.  My first time in the collarme chat rooms I had 25 private conversations hit me in under a minute, all from male doms.  About 20 of them said the same thing:  "I read your profile and you seemed interesting, I want you to submit to me."  The first 3 or 4 I responded with:  "Great, then from my profile you'd know I am a heterosexual male with no interest in men."  The remaining 5 were along the lines of "Hey cutie, show me your tits and suck my dick."

A bunch of creeps.  I would guess that's partly why they are trolling the internet preying on the horny or those with no self-esteem rather than in a relationship.  I don't know many women, submissive or otherwise, that would describe their perfect man as someone who drives a windowless van with a "Free Puppies" sign on its side.  Any wonder as to why negative stereotypes develop were answered in less than 60 seconds.  If people actually go for that garbage they are just as guilty.

Just because I'm into kink doesn't mean I don't appreciate some decency, courtesy, and tact.  Does this shit actually work on people?  Once I actually explained to one that this wasn't the best way to approach a stranger.  I could hear their jaw hitting the floor from across the country.  They listened intently as I explained that you start with small talk and pleasantries, build a conversation on mutual interests, and slowly press onward if there's a connection.  It felt a lot like explaining to a 10 year old about pulling pigtails on the playground.  I know subs are known to lose their mind when they approach Dommes, but apparently it's most men that lose their minds when kink is involved.

I don't know if I should find this as mind-boggling as I do, but... really? 

It's not that I avoid chatting with men, just please do not come at me like some horny animal demanding that I submit.

I'd get into my real world experiences being around male doms but then this would become a full-on rant post and I'm trying to avoid those.


  1. ... I have on occasion tried chatting with others - I noticed two generalisations from male 'chatters' - they seemed to want to meet - to be tied up and then some kind of sexual act .. despite the fact that all my profile info didn't suggest any kind of desires - bit like meeting someone in a pub/bar and instead of asking if you'd like a drink they try to 'grope' you ...really ?? ... and secondly the balance of 'benefit' seemed to be very one way - all the things / pictures / etc etc that they wanted but with very little if anything in return. I don't use any chat methods now ... unless its with someone who shares very common interests and like to talk over ideas etc ...

    The one thing that I have really enjoyed from the internet is the ability to link with truly 'like minded ' folks for sharing ideas / thoughts etc ... guess its part of the learning experience of the 'virtual community'

    1. Thank you for sharing, mittens.

      I'm usually very excited to chat with others, I just hate feeling like someone is trying to violate me when they do without offering to buy me dinner first :)

  2. I agree fur sissy.

    I find that vanilla men are just as bad in chat rooms. I never did understand why any girl would meet demands like stripping on demand. Dick is always free, and there are always men willing to do anything I desire without making demands or shiwing expectations.

    The only online male Dom who aquired a long relationship with me as a switch was very kind and respectful. He was always just as respectful as the submissive males that I chat with. I respect him even more as a Dom for this.

    1. Thank you, Miss Lily.

      I have to believe it must work sometimes or they would rethink their basic strategy. Either that or they just have rocks in their head. Personally, I'd be kind of weirded out if I said "strip" to a stranger and they did. Common sense tells me that isn't a very unique view if someone complies that easily.

  3. I received some email comments on this from a reader who let me know that this demanding approach is actually quite effective. That's just so weird to me, but I guess I will accept that as the truth and be less confused when someone approaches me using it.

    Still weird though... when I think of the opposite... a sub demanding to a complete stranger, "Dominate me! Humiliate me! Send me pictures of you looking angry! Threaten me with a whip!" Just weird.