Write
about any early experiences that, in retrospect, hinted at your
kinks.
You'd think that after sharing these several times already that I would feel less embarrassed by now.
After a few years of M's bondage games I began to crave her contact. I would guess this happened at around age 10. I would never admit to this nor did I try to make it apparent. I would just... hope that she would come and find me and secretly I think I would look forward to her tying me up.
Around this time I began to "resist" a bit more and the outcome was tighter bonds, stricter control, and more physical contact. If I continued to put up a fight it would end up with her mounting me and holding me down. When she was 13 and I was 10 she was over a foot taller than me and could easily overpower me. I secretly liked feeling overpowered.
As much as it makes me blush and feel ashamed to admit it, I began to crave the smell of her. The winter hat that was pulled down over my face and the scarf used to tie it in place were always hers and gave off the odor of fruity shampoo and adolescent perfume. She always smelled sweet.
Outside of M there were some distinct hints when playing with my G.I. Joe figures. Around this time my solo play became having the female characters capture a male character that I associated myself with and would hold them captive and keep them controlled by tying them up and/or incarcerating them in some way.
How interesting. My husband Karl has told me about a time when he was also about 10 years old. He had a neighbor girl who had a crush on him and would do anything he asked. She was 9. He gradually created "tie up" situations with her that had her capturing him and using him as her slave. In one such case, they'd found an old wagon, and she rode in it as he pulled her around via his arms which were bound at the wrists behind his back and attached to the wagon pull. She had a piece of common rope that she used as a buggy whip of sorts (at his behest) to make him move faster. One of the more interesting aspects of this was that when I asked him if he (or she) had been sexually aroused by this, he said "No. We were both too young for that. No hard-ons for me, no visible excitement for her. We were just two kids having fun, but looking back I find the whole thing revealing when measured against my future desires."
ReplyDeleteYes, indeed:)
Thank you for sharing Karl's experience, Lady Grey.
DeleteI would agree that things started out in a non-sexual way. I think that it shifted for me because girls weren't interested in me and so I latched onto the one that was. I had an awkward period of chubbiness before my body exploded into a gigantic mass of muscle and so I didn't really have any girl that I wanted attention from except for her.
I'm sure if M would have latched me to the wagon that I would have pulled her to her heart's content :)
Take care.