Defunct sissy Apparel - Boot Loot: modular boot accessories

Several years ago when the forced sissification aspects of my life were getting more intense, Mistress' plan was to start accumulating some boots for me that would make me look whorish.  As I'm guessing is often the case with many who have been in my shoes (literally) either by choice or by force, wide feet and muscular calves just don't mix with tall boots.  There were boots out there manufactured with TV's, CD's, etc. in mind but most of these were trying to be too sexy and they just weren't "sissy" enough for what Mistress wanted.  The task of tracking down said items was often placed in my hands.  I would be ordered to find something that I knew would meet her approval.

In around 2005 it was during one of these searches that I stumbled across "Boot Loot."  The website has been down for years but much of it still remains intact on web archive search engines.  The original product from Boot Loot was fur cuffs on a foot-less nylon stocking that were meant to be worn to add fur trim/cuffs to plain boots rather than having to buy a new pair of boots just for the trim.  The idea was very practical and creative, considering you could mix and match and accessorize different color combinations on different items.

Basically, every pair of boots for me could be made more humiliating.  We got a few pairs for Mistress as well in varying colors that would match her furs and fur accessories.  All in all, the products only remained around for two years and it was disappointing that we weren't able to get more of their products, especially to match all of Mistress' coats.  Their other products included fur-accented leg warmers and boot chains.

The original story behind Boot Loot is here:
It's amazing how far a person can get on a sore toe - all the way to a major fashion hit, in the case of Charlene Bry of Ladue.

Three years ago, Bry had an aching toe from dropping her tennis racket on it. She needed a pair of glam boots with frou-frou tops to wear to a social event, but her sore toe couldn't take the squeeze of a new pair. The only boots that felt comfortable were her plain old untrendy ones.

"There ought to be a way to attach different types of cuffs to your own comfy boots," Bry mused to herself as she limped off to a party.

Well, girlfriend, take a look at what's flying off the shelves at Famous-Barr, Bloomingdale's, Lord & Taylor and Nordstrom! Fox, rabbit and faux fur cuffs attached to pairs of footless stockings so they can be worn interchangeably, according to whim, with whatever's in a woman's shoe collection. They were manufactured in China by a factory with business ties to Bry's company, Boot Loot. The company also has a warehouse here and a patent pending.

John Bailey, a spokesman for Nordstrom, said the company sold out of the boot cuffs at stores here and in Chicago over Christmas. He called Bry's boot accessories "unique, one of a kind."

Bry herself sounds pleased but not particularly surprised at the success of her creation.

"I know women want these," she said. "It's like thee and thou - we understand each other."

Either because she once worked as a fashion model or because she has lived in Ladue for two decades, Charlene Bry has a deep understanding of the joys of dressing up and going out on the town.

She has a knack for inventing saleable notions that market to a woman's craving for glamour and the sense of self-assurance it imparts. Her first venture was the Ladue News, a party and fashion rag that she and her son, Richie Bry Jr., founded in 1984. A cozy, affectionate look at the doings of Ladue's social sets, it became a local must-read.

Bry sold the paper in 1999 and started working on a history of Ladue, a place that is a natural home to her, although she grew up in Clayton and University City as Charlene Sherman.

She earned a degree from Washington University, modeling to pay some of her expenses. She married Richie Bry, moved to Iowa with him for a time and then, as Bry's career as a sports agent took hold, the couple returned to the St. Louis area and settled in Ladue. They subsequently divorced.

But Bry had found a personal and commercial niche. The tastes and stylistic imperatives of the Ladue crowd have shaped her thinking the way the Bill of Rights underlays a constitutional lawyer's.

Her current creation got into production about six months ago when she paid local designer Jan Brodsky to develop a few prototypes.

Bry got fur bits from the Fur and Leather Centre on Lindbergh Boulevard, developed some faux fur options, and took her samples to the head buyer for the May Companies to ask her opinion.

"And - boom - I had my first customer," Bry reports.

Finding someone to link her to a Chinese factory was the next hurdle. Then she set up a distribution system and a Web site (www.boot-loot.com). She has done most of her own advertising and modeling.

Now she waits to see whether her toehold on the world of fashion will last.

"I think the demand will keep on," she said. "A woman puts on a pair and it's like a complete makeover. It's transforming. Women want that."

Somehow I doubt the intent was to provide a humiliating add-on for sissy apparel but it did a terrific job.  Mistress ended up with a pair of black ones, grey ones, dark red, dark purple, and leopard print.  I ended up with white and some pink.  Near the end of their run they ended up getting clearanced out at a few major department stores for like $3 a pair.

Dream Bondage Device - Chastity Alarm

It's been a while since I wrote about a bondage device that showed up in a dream of mine but this one came to mind when I was writing some replies to comments.

The device that showed up in a few of my dreams is a chastity alarm.  These dreams usually revolved around situations involving a Lesbian Dominant with a primary favored female submissive and a male as the secondary and inferior submissive. 

I can draw some sketches if people request that but at the same time I tend to enjoy the exercise of visualizing something based upon a textual description.  Everyone seems to come up with their own unique interpretation and that is often way more fun than spoiling it with a drawing.

The chastity alarm is an add-on to most standard chastity cages.  If you are familiar with the CB-2000/3000/6000 series or some similar metal cages, the chastity alarm is a small device that would attach to a thin snugly-fitting ring around the scrotum and a small cable would run through the chastity device's cock ring connecting it to the tip of the chastity cage.   While a chastity device of this nature can prevent a sub from obtaining an erection, they cannot prevent a sub from attempting an erection.  If a sub's penis attempts to harden or flex, the cage portion will lift.  Upon lifting of the cage the cable connecting it to the tip of the cage will tug and trigger a small spring-loaded hammer, making it hit a chime and emit a bell-like sound.  The hammer and chime are encased in a small capsule that cannot be tampered with or muted.  The alarm could not be removed without removal of both the cage and cock ring portions of the chastity device.

The resulting chime would signify that the sub was attempting to have an erection. 

While items like a KTB or the points of intrigue add-ons can prevent erection attempts, the chastity alarm is better suited for cases where a sub's erection attempts are prohibited but the ability to control arousal is placed solely in the sub's control. 

The situations where it surfaced in my dreams were where it was instructed that the sub was not to think of the Domme (or the female sub) in a sexual manner but then he was tormented with constant teasing and visual and psychological stimulation.  Each ding of the chastity alarm would be met with some form of punishment or recorded in order to be enacted at a future time. 

Please let me know if you would like any additional descriptions.

Cuckolding - A few thoughts

Cuckolding is something that has never really interested me except from an intellectual standpoint.  There are situations of knowing unfaithfulness that do "do it for me" but these generally aren't considered cuckolding and that strikes me a bit as odd.

Cuckolding rarely starts out at the forefront of a D/s relationship (unless it's already a well-developed fantasy of a submissive male).  The premise is that a woman (often married to her sub) demotes her sub from the role of a sexual partner and takes on another sexual partner in his place.  The sub is often kept in chastity and is sometimes forced to watch or take part in various aspects of the woman's intercourse with her new sexual partner.  This new role degrades and humiliates the sub and allows the woman to experience a "superior" lover in bed.  I'm not sure exactly why many men fantasize about this but that's a topic for another day.

The first thing that strikes me as odd about this scenario is that cuckolding really seems to be limited to a woman having sexual interactions with another man.  What about sexual interactions with another woman?  Is this no longer cuckolding?  It is technically equally unfaithful but it usually is kinder to the sub's male ego and often plays into a greater fantasy of his without threatening his role as her primary man.  In cases where this was instigated by the woman, cuckolding with another man can be devastating to the sub's psyche but cheating on him with another woman probably wouldn't bother him nearly as much. 

The second thing that I find odd is that cuckolding seems to only be classified as such when it's done with a man who is of equal or neutral standing to the woman.  Cuckolding with another submissive is usually just seen as "play," and in many BDSM circles this is fairly common without the emotional repercussions of it being with another dominant man or a standard vanilla man (often referred to as a bull). 

This leads to the idea that Female Supremacist Dommes really can't cuckold a male sub.   If she replaces him with a submissive or Dominant woman, it's no longer cuckolding.  If she replaces him with a male sub, it's just play and no longer cuckolding.  She can't replace him with a male of equal standing since she is a Female Supremacist and there are no males of equal or neutral standing. 

This implies that there are a few criteria that must be met for a cuckolding relationship to happen:
-She must be able to consider men as equals (or something similar).
-She should be at least primarily heterosexual.
-She should be okay with shattering her sub's male ego.

It's a fairly simple list but at the same time if an unclaimed sub is seeking a cuckolding Mistress this reduces the target demographic.

"Cutesy" things - Why and who said so?

Sometimes I don't understand why it is that certain items that women are drawn to tend to be sought because they are "cute."  The things I'm referring to are things like fringe, pom poms, tassels, and the like.  Just who chose these things as cute and why are many women drawn to them?  I can understand jewelry but I'll never understand the $2 charm bracelet full of bouncy trinkets of varying shapes, sizes, and colors.

When you picture a powerful woman in business you get some idea of a pantsuit or a skirt and suit top and the like.  When you picture formal or semi-formal evening wear you get some idea of a sleek dress, some form of exposed bust, heels, and such.  Basically, when you think of what types of clothing get classified as "sexy," "sleek," "professional," "glamorous," and "beautiful," you find "cute" items noticeably absent from the mix.

If your female boss enters the room wearing a pinstripe black pencil skirt, a white blouse, silk scarf, and a black suit top you think nothing of it.  That is her look.  If she walked in wearing a top with fringe/tassels dangling from the sleeves and pumps with pom poms on the toes you'd probably do a triple take and have a puzzled look on your face.  It just doesn't seem right.  It's harder to take her seriously that way (I suppose why we have this change in reaction could also serve as a valid question).

I think that is where the problem lies.  Cute is just rarely consistent with the stronger and more sexual feminine qualities and at times just seems a bit immature.  If that is the case, just who chose what is cute and why are women drawn to it?  Taking it as a given that it is considered cute why exactly do they fail to fit in with more aspects of life?  Why are they considered feminine?  Is it because they serve no functional purpose?  Items like purses and bras are very functional but are also very feminine. 

A pair of fluffy earmuffs are also functional but they also fall into the "cute" category.  Take away the fluffy and the cuteness dissipates. 

It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me that items that are "cute" on a 4-year old continue to be "cute" well into adulthood.  One thing that does make sense to me is that "cute" generally makes up some of the more humiliating items of forced feminization.  An item that is in nearly all ways masculine or unisex in style and color can be made wholly feminine with the simple addition of some cuteness.  A simple black-knit beanie becomes girl's/woman's hat with the simple addition of a large fur pom pom on top.  A black leather jacket becomes a girl's/woman's jacket with the addition of some fringe dangling from the sleeves or front. 

I guess I'm just curious since the most humiliating times I've been dressed have usually been full of things that would have been cute on a girly girl but are flat out goofy on a man.

Forced Feminization - Flat Chest vs. False Breasts

Following the theme of my previous post I will continue on a related topic.

I've noticed that fictional fantasies pertaining to forced feminization usually has a fairly drastic split when it comes to having a sissy with a flat chest or a sissy with huge breasts.  There's rarely a time when a scenario "splits the difference" and portrays a sissy with smaller breasts or loosely fit clothing that hides the chest region.  They're usually either flat as a board or DD-cup. 

While people probably have some fantasy they prefer it's probably linked to their deeper fantasies about sissification.  Those who wish to be women probably gravitate towards artificial breasts or implants.  Those who thrive more on humiliation are likely split between the particular scenario and situation involved.

Since I tend to thrive more under the humiliation aspect than others, I will break it down from that aspect.

False breasts via breast forms, stuffed bras, and the like (or even more permanent methods such as implants or hormone therapy) tend to yield great internal humiliation but the external humiliation is a bit situational.  The inner humiliation stems from them being there at all, since they wouldn't be otherwise.  The added girth up top gives a sissy a great deal of self-consciousness and if performed via implant or hormones, I expect they would surrender quite deeply and feel defeated.  As for external humiliation, I believe this would vary depending upon how realistically passable they are.  If fully dressed, breasts would likely decrease the level of external humiliation since it makes them more passable as a woman.  If partially dressed in an unconvincing manner, breasts would likely increase the amount of external humiliation as it makes their appearance more flagrant.  Picturing a sissy in a very tight-fitting pink t-shirt with huge breasts but with facial stubble and male pants and shoes would stand out something harsh.

On the other side of things is the flat chest.  If a sissy is almost fully passable as a woman, a flat chest will likely increase external humiliation.  While the internal humiliation might lessen a bit, there would likely be some added self-consciousness if he was hoping to pass as a woman and now would worry about people noticing his lack of breasts.  In regards to partial dressing (or non-convincing outfits) the flat chest would again probably have slightly less internal humiliation but also increase external humiliation.  Certain artists have taken this to an extreme by portraying sissies with exposed nipples nearly all the time in order to accentuate their flat chests and male stature. 

Personally, I've found a bra with no breasts to increase the level of internal humiliation and self-consciousness since at that point the bra is rather pointless and used only as a means of increasing self-consciousness.

Forced Feminization - Complete vs. Partial Transformations

This is a topic I have seen varying views from Dommes that implement forced feminization as a regular part of their lifestyle.  Should a sissy be fully transformed and borderline passable as a woman or are they better off being kept "obviously a man" in their appearance.  I know the views vary heavily on a case by case basis both by what Dommes wish to accomplish by feminizing their sub and by what subs truly desire.  I'm pretty much ignoring the sub desires side of this since if they really want to be feminized it really takes away the forced nature of the fetish and it gets into scenarios where there are subs who wish to be women, wish to be gay, etc. and those can mask the reasons they state on the outset.  So my topic of interest really is a Domme's view on complete vs. partial transformations. 

Reasons a Domme would want their sub to be completely feminized:

-It gives a "there's no going back now" feel to the situation.  Once it starts, things tend to keep moving forward.  Panties can be hidden, full-on dressing is pretty blatant.  When the transformation happens, he knows she's absolutely serious about it.

-Primping.  He must now experience much of what women have gone through for years.  Keeping their bodies shaved/waxed, putting on makeup, uncomfortable lingerie, nail care, eyebrows sculpting, and so on.

-Complete removal of masculinity.  His male ego is no more.

-Improved aesthetic pleasure.  The male figure lacks the grace and elegance of the feminine form.  Increasing femininity makes him more pleasing to the eye.

Reasons a Domme would want their sub to be partially feminized but still obviously a male:

-If she is a Female Supremacist, a complete transformation is a bit of an insult for a man to be able to pass as a woman.  If the transformation is only partial it can be used to parody years of restrictive feminine ideals towards women and turning him into a caricature of stereotypical femininity. 

-A well-done complete transformation might allow him to actually pass as a female.  If she wants him to be humiliated she is better off keeping him in the obviously a male stage as this will draw more attention and ridicule, especially if used in public.

-Increased emotional agitation.  It's easier to try to be a man or a woman than it is to be somewhere in between.  "Unisex" clothing has told us that it's okay for women to wear masculine clothing but that's a one-way street.

-He's not supposed to be pretty, so stop him short of being able to achieve that.

I'm sure if I could keep digging I could rattle off at least half a dozen more reasons but I'm not sure if that would lead to anything.  Dommes vary a lot in their feelings on this subject (with many not wanting any feminization at all) and there's no chance of nailing down a consensus.

From my own personal standpoint it trickles back to that cycle I go through of humiliation, deeper subspace, increased arousal, peace in my soul, strong association, humiliation, deeper subspace, etc. that spirals me into a love/hate relationship with forced dressing.  I can say that this cycle happens most strongly with the a partial transformation.  The more realistically feminine it gets, the more ordinary it tends to feel and that leads to less humiliation to fuel the cycle.

Any thoughts?

The Lesbian Fantasy

I've always found the male fantasy involving Lesbians to be a bit odd.  I think it gets even more odd when it involves a Dominant Lesbian(s).  I was thinking about this a bit and just what it is about it that gives such a deep draw to this fantasy.

On the outset I feel that women are inherently beautiful creatures and the merging of sensuous forms is aesthetically pleasing.  On another basic level, women are poly-orgasmic and a pair in the throngs of pleasure are definitely arousing.

These explain the typical male Lesbian fantasy but don't cover the submissive aspects of it.  This is what I find more interesting and it again falls into a "bitten off more than he could chew" type of a fantasy.  So why exactly does the Dominant Lesbian idea provide arousal for so many?

In my own case, the root of it lies in the fact that Lesbians don't need anything a man has to offer (except maybe sperm if they want a child, at least until they perfect egg fusion).  A Lesbi-Domme with a male sub doesn't need him to for love, sexual fulfillment, or happiness.  She can simply take on a female submissive, switch, or another Lesbi-Domme as a lover, life partner, playmate (tag-teaming if they are both Dommes), friend, and confidante.  A male in this case offers nothing that she needs to live a happy life.  Basically, as a person, he is useless to her.

His ideal role in the Lesbian fantasy is that of less than a person.  Even though his presence is extraneous, he can be useful.  He serves no significant emotional role, he is merely there to be used.  He can provide tedious and strenuous labor.  He can perform menial and boring tasks.  He isn't required to think, only serve and obey.  In the winter, he shovels the driveway.  In the summer, he mows the lawn.  Day in and day out he provides cooks, cleans, and runs errands in a thankless environment.  It could be him or any other willing male, she doesn't care, so long as he gets things done that she doesn't feel like doing.  He should be thankful she allows him to serve her at all.  She might even charge him rent.  The play he gets isn't very welcome.  Denial without the teasing.  Chastity play with no incentive for release (she doesn't care about his pleasure).  Pain inflicted on a level that satiates her but goes beyond what she is willing to do to another woman. 

My dreams tend to take me to a place where things get even more extreme.  I've dreamed of households where a Lesbian Domme and her Lesbian female sub also have a male sub.  The male ranks below the female, so she is sort of a switch, submissive to the Mistress but dominant to the male.  The Mistress is strict but doesn't want to be bothered by a lot of tedious activities so she has her subs take care of the majority of the daily activities.  The female sub is a bit threatened by the presence of the male sub so she goes out of her way to make his life hell and sabotage his standing with the Mistress.  This rivalry leads to interesting situations on many fronts.  The cruelty is great since her dominance isn't motivated sexually, but purely out of jealousy and hatred.  He is usually in chastity since he isn't supposed to think of them in a sexual way and he has no hope for release except scheduled times that were negotiated in advance.  He has no sexual interaction, just laboring away to the women he serves and surrendering to their whims.

What exactly is it that has me wake up in a cold sweat, panting, and a raging erection when I have dreams of this nature?  I'm not really sure.  Somewhere in my submissive ideals I adhere to the idea of being expendable.  It makes me try harder and appreciate everything.  This doesn't explain the sexual arousal aspect but I guess that's what makes the kinky sides of us unique.

Overall I doubt I would thrive in such a situation, but I would probably perform fairly well.

Hrm...

While digging up pictures for the last post I stumbled across this one that I had found a while back.

I don't know exactly why but this picture always "does it" for me.  When I first saw it I found myself oddly drawn to it.  It gives me that feeling of a young woman (probably a bit drunk) following her sexual instincts and for the first time giving into primal dominance and having her way with someone else. While I know these types of situations often lead to a guilty conscience early in experimentation, I also think it captures that naughty and wicked streak that young women have but manage to deny under normal circumstances.

I can picture the other, their arms pinned above their head, their head rushing with anticipation and nervousness, feeling like this is wrong but not wanting to get away.  They struggle lightly, hands twisting from side to side in the woman's grip, heels lightly bouncing off the floor, aroused but wanting to end the uncomfortable awkwardness.  They look into the woman's eyes and see her stone-fixed gaze, intent on getting what she wants.  They can feel her heat against their waist, they look up, pleading, trying to speak with their eyes, saying "this doesn't feel right."  She notices and reacts, squeezing her thighs more tightly together and tightening her grip around their wrists, pressing them firmly to the floor.

She will have the time of her life, drunk with power and pleasure.  The victim will end the night feeling uncomfortable and violated, confused at the balance of physical pleasure and emotional discomfort. 

What makes it even more intriguing is that you can't quite tell if she's mounting another woman or if it's a sissified, humiliated boy. 

Fashion, Femdom, and Attraction

I've always found fully-clothed women to be more attractive than naked women.  Part of this has revolved around my fetishes but I also feel that with the correct clothing, the female form can be embellished in certain ways to bring out certain features while covering others.  I'm not a snob or anything or feel that women should be held to a certain style or caliber of clothing, I just find that when women dress well, I find it extremely sexy.  It can be jeans and a t-shirt as long as jeans and said t-shirt fit correctly on her body and accentuate the curves and contours of her figure.

I've written a few times both here and on several forums about how clothing can help portray an attitude.  Of course the actual way a person carries themselves is mostly responsible for the actual attitude that shines through but I've always felt that there are styles and methods of dressing that assist in this a great deal.

The outfit above lends itself to a bit of mystery.  Both the angle of the hat and the fit of the pants provide a sense of separation and distance from her.  Even if you were "with her" I get the sense that she would be fairly aloof towards you, thinking more about herself and completely indifferent to your presence.  She'll decide when you matter.

Luckily most of my girlfriends and Mistresses over the years have enjoyed my taste in clothing. I have enjoyed shopping with them and usually just let them know when something turns me on or I think it's sexy and I can often spot items that will flatter their figure.  Often they would simply tell me what kind of look they were going for and I would help pick out a few things.

To me this look says, "it will be impossible to please me but I expect you to try."  A leather bustier and a riding crop seem to go hand in hand with this ensemble.

Not quite as menacing here but still very aggressive.  The loose fit of the turtleneck and thickness of the collar keep the breasts a mystery but the fitted waist and flared hem coupled with the fitted leggings and leather boots says, "I know I'm sexy and you find me attractive.  Everything will be on my terms or you can take a walk."

I'm not sure if others agree with me on these but those are the kind of reads I get when I see women's fashion.

For a bit of contrast...

This conjures up images of the bunny tail anal plug I wrote about in an earlier post.  Hard to take seriously and with those black boots it wreaks of fashion victim.

A small dialogue

The basis of this was from a blog I read several months ago.  I can't remember the blog but I remember an excerpt from it.  While I do some fetish fiction writing I am not what you would call a talented writer.  I tend to get an outline for a story done and start writing it only to get halfway and get distracted with life and I never go back and finish it.

Here is a little bit that showed up in a dream I had the other night (that I'm certain was inspired by that blog I read before).  It would be a dialogue between a novice man and an experienced woman who had recently entered into a D/s Femdom relationship (or it could be a woman deciding to become Dominant in an already established  marriage).

Woman (in a smug tone): Your orgasms will soon resemble Santa Claus.
man (candidly):  As in, he gives you exactly what you want if you are good?
Woman (smug): That's some wishful thinking.  Guess again.
man (uncertainly): As in he comes once a year?
Woman (with a sense of satisfaction): Exactly.
man (slightly fearful): You're joking, right?  Isn't that a little unfair?
Woman (scheming): You don't believe in that?
man (attempting to be forceful): No way.
Woman (smug): What happens when boys stop believing in Santa Claus?
man (afraid): He doesn't come at all?
Woman (satisfied): Correct.  Now do you believe?
man - nods silently.
Woman (smug): And naughty, defiant, little boys that disagree with their Mistresses?

(at this point I'm picturing her introducing a chastity device into their lifestyle).

Thoughts on dulling the post-orgasmic drop from subspace

Over the years I've read up on and experienced various attempts at hastening the return to subspace for a submissive male after he is permitted an orgasm.  The post-orgasmic loss of focus and attentiveness of a sub is quite well-documented and it can last upwards of a week.

I was curious if anyone had any ideas on how to accomplish this?

A few ideas I know of:
-Forcing the sub to lick up or drink their own cum after orgasm.
-Forcing the sub to orgasm in a humiliating manner such as shooting their load onto their own face or chest.
-A strict session of corporal punishment immediately following orgasm.
-Prolonged stimulation of the frenum post-orgasm, continuing until the pain has them begging you to stop.
-Time kneeling in the corner with the hands behind the head "reflecting" on the privilege of the male orgasm and how this will seem like a distant memory by the time the next one comes around.
-Immediate return to a chastity device.

I'm guessing there are at least a few of you out there that have experimented with this subject and have things that both have and haven't worked.  Please share them if you can.

Anal Plugs, Pegging, and Historical Connections

Several years ago, my Mistress sent me a link to a bunny tail anal plug and told me I would be getting one for Christmas.  At this point we hadn't quite reached a full understanding on a fetish level.  Well, to put it more bluntly, she didn't quite understand the fetishes that would push me into the deepest realms of subspace and to my own credit, I was unable to adequately communicate just how and why I would respond in certain ways, partly because of shame and partly because it's somewhat complicated if someone hasn't fully grasped the idea of the mindfuck.

She had thought the bunny tail butt plug would go perfectly with my other outfits but I told her not to spend the money on it since I wouldn't wear it and referenced one of my hard limits which was nothing up my butt.  I have a past history of abuse from my childhood and when anything gets near my rectum I go into a state of extreme panic and usually start crying.  Basically, that kind of thing was off-limits.

As things have moved on since then we went through a stage of problems and in order to help rectify them I waived my no anal hard limit.  This led to a rather intimate and heavy emotional experience that left me in tears but at the same time it has pushed me to an even deeper state of subspace that I had not experienced before.  I knew that I wouldn't be able to respond in a rational manner when the moment arrived so we planned beforehand and devised a method of restraint that would prevent me from blocking her (wrists chained to the ankles and a spreader bar chaining the ankles together, everything secured by locks) and included a blindfold and a gag.  This held me face down in the butt up position.  We had agreed beforehand that she didn't have to stop no matter what I did unless she wanted to stop.

I was breathing heavily and my pulse was racing.  Immediately upon contact I began to cry.  I was writhing around, tugging against the chains and sobbing into a pillow.  A few minutes into it something odd happened.  I felt like I "left myself" and my mind just surrendered to the situation.  I had a bit of a flashback to a Greek history class I took back in college.  One day we covered the portrayal of anal sex between men and women (if you aren't familiar, there are lots and lots of paintings and pottery portraying women being penetrated anally, sometimes while being forced to perform fellatio at the same time).  The professor explained how this exemplified the status difference in Greece between men and women and how anal sex portrayed symbols of one-sided pleasure.  Basically, if a man fucked a woman up the ass it was to ensure that he received pleasure and she received none.  Strangely enough, it was this lesson that ended up showing up in my brain and this set on a big feeling...

I was being used... this was one-sided pleasure pointed in her favor.  I was her fuck-hole.  I plunged deeper into subspace full of a new type of shame and humiliation I wasn't accustomed to.  A deeper shame and humiliation aided in the fact that she had dressed me up to the gills before we started.  Around this time she noticed that I had a raging hard-on (I hadn't even been aware of that).  It was a bit of a shock because it was more intense than my usual erections, I thought the skin around my penis was going to burst.  She started giving me a reach-around and commented on it, making it fully aware in my mind and adding another dimension to the subspace.  Not only was I being used but my submissive self was enjoying being used so unilaterally.  While I hated the penetration, the experience itself had every nerve in my body firing and my brain was spinning out of control.

This was about 8 months ago when all of this happened and we have had several more intense experiences of this nature since then.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I've started to reconsider the idea of an anal plug.  I know anal plugs are used frequently when it comes to sissification.  From what I've gathered it gives a feeling of being "filled in" and forces the hips to sway in a more feminine motion while walking.  I don't really have any draw to that but the symbol of it all does "get me" in that way.  That way meaning that it keys on the Dominant/submissive inequality to a rather hefty extent.  The plug gives no directly pleasure to the Domme.  For the sub it delivers quite a bit of discomfort and humiliation.  For the Domme, I can then see only two reasons for doing it both revolving around the same scenario.
1.  She has him wear an anal plug for discomfort and to serve as either a punishment, for training purposes, and/or reminder of his status. 
2.  She has him wear an anal plug for discomfort and she takes pleasure in his discomfort (that requires no effort on her part to inflict). 

The odd thing for me is that both of these things appeal to some level of subspace for me but each caters to a different type of subspace.  This is where things get blurred for me... I hate the experience of it but I like the feelings it brings.  Such is the craziness of being a submissive male.

Pegging is something that sort of makes sense to me and sort of doesn't.  My Mistress has a strong fetish for pegging (which sometimes makes/made me wonder why she chose me even though I was forthright with my "no anal" hard limit).  Standard strap-ons don't make a lot of sense to me both in Lesbian and heterosexual Femdom sex.  Feeldoes, double-ended strap-ons, etc. do make sense to me.  In Lesbian sex, both parties receive pleasure, in Femdom sex, only the woman receives pleasure.  With a single-ended strap-on, unless the Domme has a direct fetish for pegging (or the side-effects on the sub emotionally from being pegged) these just don't make much sense to me.  The one-sided pleasure idea behind pegging tickles my submissive fancy but the actual act of being pegged isn't something I'm fond of.  I guess I just don't quite connect with a pegging fetish on its standard levels as I've met several women and men who get completely aroused by strap-on play.  I have used male strap-ons before during sex with my Mistresses and those did "do it" for me because it was also one-sided pleasure in her favor.

I guess my thoughts are just all over the place on this one. 

Duplicity of Being: submissive in private, ??? in public

I've read varying accounts on different blogs and websites about submissive men who hold very different public and private personas. A lot of the times submission provides a relief from the stress and pressure of everyday life, but at the same time, being a dominant with a submissive to serve you can also provide a relief from the same stress and pressure, just in a different way.

I don't ever think there's an absolute correlation between submissive men and their public personalities. I've met apparent alpha-males who are submissive in private and I have met meek and timid men who are also submissive.

I definitely fall into the type with multiple personas. In daily life I am a rather take-charge person often put into a position of multi-tasking with a great deal of responsibility. I also do a lot of teaching and training of others. Socially, if I am in a comfortable environment I am usually quite outgoing and often find myself in the position of the one telling the stories and jokes, choosing the movie to go to, etc.

Throughout most of my life, I would say that at any given time, roughly 70% of my closest friends were women. While that has changed lately, one thing remains the same. While I am 100% comfortable in a friendship with a woman, when it comes to a romantic relationship, I am very shy, subdued, and a bit insecure. I am afraid to instigate physical contact unless told to. I am timid about doing and saying the right things at the right time. Basically, I'm the polar opposite of my public persona and I flow naturally into a submissive role in relationships.

Oddly enough, it is my public persona that determines much of the effort and work ethic I adhere to in submission. It is my sense of pride in serving well, wishing to be the best, wanting to improve my being and better please her that has helped me over the years.

I think some of the strange balance probably shows up in my writing. I have a feeling that if you look at all of my blog entries it probably seems like there are two different people writing them. I have my set of tips, ideas, philosophical ramblings, analysis, etc. that very much reflects my public persona. On the other side of the fence are my posts that display my insecurities, my fetishes, my shame, my weaknesses, and my submission. I'm guessing it's probably quite a contrast to readers.

I didn't really have an overall point here, just that I find this duplicity of character to be interesting.

Tribute: Georgeann Cross

Several years ago I somehow stumbled across a site hosting an unpublished book by Georgann Cross. The book is titled Sexual Power for Women: A Real-World Guide to Sexually Enslaving Your Man.

I downloaded the book in PDF form that night and ended up... reading the entire thing straight through (which took several hours and I was up until the wee hours of the morning.

It is a very well-written book instructing techniques from a woman's point of view on how to take control in a relationship or marriage. There include several real-life stories that give examples of a woman taking control yielding great benefits for a relationship.

The site can be found here: Sexual Power for Women

If you are a woman just discovering this lifestyle or if you are a sub male trying to introduce his partner in a non-threatening manner, I would definitely recommend giving it a read.

So how does it work for Her? Part 2

This is a direct follow up to my last post, Ideals, Enjoyment, and Female Pleasure in D/s

While writing the section "So how does it work for Her?" I tried to get at the root of a newer or reluctant Domme and how difficult it is to make D/s scenarios enjoyable for her both in an emotional and sexual sense.  In my last post I think I did okay at covering the emotional side but I feel like I didn't get to the sexual side.  For long-term happiness in a D/s relationship, the male will take sexual pleasure in submission so it's only natural that the Domme should take sexual pleasure in Dominance.

I talked a bit about this in my post Wanting to be "normal" but mainly covered it from the submissive side of things.  The same principles hold true for a Domme and shedding the idea that D/s interaction is sexually deviant is the biggest hurdle to overcome.  I say this with great reluctance but in all honesty, in a relationship where the male has introduced D/s to his wife or significant other, if she is unwilling or unable to overcome the thought that being Dominant is bad, perverse, or deviant, they are probably better off splitting up and letting her remain "normal" and letting him pursue his submissive desires.  He won't be truly happy without it but she is foregoing lots of potential happiness if she gives up without giving it a fair chance.


There is a phrase that is often used to describe the feelings needed for a Domme to truly experience the D/s dynamic sexually and that is:  "Drunk with Power."

While this phrase usually holds some negative connotations as it implies an abusive display of power performed solely to fulfill selfish personal wishes, the submissive male desires these actions from his Domme.  This doesn't mean that she should hurt or maim him without regard for his well-being, but more that he wants her to think and act selfishly and force him to follow-suit.  This is the sign of a devoted man.  In many women's deepest fantasies, this is actually the type of man they want.  While there are those out there that dream of having the take charge alpha male type, most women that have self-confidence and self-esteem would find much greater happiness if they called the shots.

How to avoid guilt


In my last post I mentioned that punishment alleviates guilt for a submissive male.  This is easy.  The difficulty lies in removing guilt from a woman being fully Dominant.  We have been taught and raised to be kind, to share and think of others, and to nurture those we care about.  So how can someone be selfishly drunk with power and still uphold those ideals that allow her to think of herself as a good person?

The easy way  to think about it is: this is what he wants.  If he needs to feel submissive to be happy, then meeting his submission with Dominance is kind and the key to his happiness.  Each time you toss him an unfair and unjust situation that makes him struggle and agitates him at the pending outcome you are thinking of him and his needs and showing your love for him.  Each time you punish him in a way that makes a repeat mistake less likely, you are nurturing him and helping build his submissive self-esteem.  Men are just larger versions of boys.  The same rules and principles of a mother disciplining her son apply to a Domme disciplining her sub.  A firm, guiding hand brings him closer to the man he wants to be, which is the man that meets your needs.

Basically, you don't need to feel guilt because you are actually doing exactly what he needs to be happy, no matter how painful or unpleasant it might seem.

Beyond guilt

Moving beyond guilt brings us back to drunk with power.  I'm sure most women out there have tons of stories from their past where this situation occurred at some point. 

-An annoying little brother that you would tease and torment to get him to leave you alone or you would manipulate to make him do things for you.  Did you ever wonder why those torments usually brought him back for more unless they were very unpleasant and even then he would be bugging you again tomorrow?.

-A boy with an unrequited crush on you that would bother you with his uncomfortable advances.  When you wanted him to go away you would be overtly cruel and hurt his feelings.  When you needed something you would use him and use his crush to get what you wanted.  Did you ever wonder why he never gave up?

-Do you remember the first time you flirted to get your way?  Teasing some store clerk into giving a discount or a waiter into giving you a free drink.  When you did that you made his day.


-Did you ever play with dolls and make Ken do Barbie's bidding, basically being her slave?  This may have been your first Femdom experience.

Each of these scenarios may have been exhilarating in the moment but may have lead to guilt later on.  The guilt aspect is because aside from the dolls, none of the male participants had agreed to a D/s dynamic.  Since a submissive male HAS agreed to those terms, you can focus on the pleasurable aspects of those situations.

Those examples display sexual power.  Women using feminine charms to torment a man.  While the boy with the crush may have annoyed you, he probably also made you feel attractive and powerful deep down.  The little brother may have bugged you but each time you fucked with him it probably made you feel smart, capable, and strong.  If you played with your dolls in that way it may have manifested your deepest desires even if they weren't consistent with the ways you were taught to act towards others.

In the previous section I showed how being selfish is actually consistent with how to treat a submissive male.  It is the way you were taught to act towards others but at the same time it allows you to explore your inner-most desires.

If you could envision how you would play with dolls now with your perfect man being the Ken doll and you being the Barbie doll, how would they interact if you were to picture your ideal relationship?

I'm willing to wager that Ken is attentive and affectionate, giving compliments and being helpful, attending to your every need and making you feel like a Queen.  In the bedroom he desires to interact sexually in exactly the way you want it without regard for his own pleasure.  He makes you feel loved, beautiful, smart, sexy, strong, and confident.  You reign over him, drunk with power and everything feels fine.


This is reality.  Your submissive male is your own personal Ken doll and you are his Barbie.  When you get home from work do you have neck tension from driving in rush hour and do your feet hurt from the shoes you wore each day?  Would a neck rub and a foot massage make you feel better?  Would it probably turn you on if it was done well?  Good.

When you're horny does the thought of him going down on you and making your orgasm 20 times with his tongue seem like a good time?  If you worry about being too tired to reciprocate afterward, don't worry, the submissive male needs no reciprocation.  You can roll over and go to sleep, leaving him aching for release.  You can tell him to go masturbate in the shower.  You can keep going with sexual play and let him release.  The choice is yours.

Has he ever under-performed in bed?  Not enough endurance, too fast/rushed/sloppy, he doesn't hit your g-spot, he is too small, or just unfulfilling?  Has this ever left you in a situation where you are glad you had the physical intimacy but at the same time you wished he could have done better?  If so, decide the way you want to interact sexually.  Teach him to be a better lover that is more attentive to your needs.  If he sucks in bed, tell him that and train him to perform better (possibly removing sex entirely if he can't do it well).  Will this hurt him?  No, it will only damage his male ego.  His submissive self will be proud when he has learned to best please you, regardless of his own pleasure.

Think back to the times where you were fucking with a boy and got a good laugh with your friends thinking "I can't believe I got him to do that."  (Ignore any guilt you might have felt afterward.)  How did it feel?  Did it excite you and get you charged up?  Did you feel naughty and wicked but in a good way?  Did it make you feel powerful and clever?  Were you drunk with power?

This is probably the hardest thing to really unleash in a woman.  The "it's okay to feel good about teasing a boy and feeling naughty and wicked."  If you can take pleasure in being drunk with power you are almost there.  This is not a bad thing.  If you reach this he will love you forever.

The next stage is growing to understand and use the mind fuck.  I have written a bit about this in the past and it pretty much sums up Lady Grey's ideas about "keeping things interesting."  The more mental, emotional, and physical agitation you can instill within him, the more submissive and aroused he will become and the more he will love you.  Think of him as a boy you are teasing knowing the more you tease him and the more hoops you can make him jump through, the more he will love you and the more powerful you will feel.  If this turns you on that is a good thing.

A few ideas on spicing things up:

Ask him to wear a pair of your panties to work (this is a common practice even amongst D/s relationships that don't practice feminization).  If he protests tell him it isn't optional.  Approach him and get close and gauge his reaction (grab his penis if you want to).  Tell him if he doesn't it will displease you and there will be consequences.  If you are "feeling it" in the moment you can even rattle off a consequence or two.  If he is hard, you are making him happy.  Wearing panties will make him think about you all day.  The bigger question is, are you feeling anything inside while you are doing this?

Remove his speaking privileges for a couple of hours one evening.  Make it clear that he should only speak when asked a question or given permission to speak.  Try and bait him into talking.  Tell him to fetch you a drink.  When he brings one, tell him it is the wrong beverage.  He will probably ask you what kind of drink you want.  Answer him and when he returns with the drink have him drop his pants, grab his penis, and give him 10 hard whacks on a bare bottom with your hand, a hairbrush, a leather-soled slipper, or whatever you might choose and tell him to stand or kneel in the corner with his pants down for 5 minutes for speaking without permission.  Find a reason to walk-by him and you'll see he probably has an erection.  If it happens again give him 20 the next time. This is going to excite him and make him love you.  Does it do anything for you?

Have him pleasure you in the bedroom to your heart's content.  When you are satisfied play with his penis (or order him to play with it) until he is about to cum and then stop.  Tell him you are proud of him but that he hasn't earned an orgasm yet.  Get a grip on his balls and gauge their size (you can gently squeeze or tug on them if you want).  Tell him that you know how full he is and you'll be inspecting him in the morning to make sure he hasn't cheated.  In the morning have him pleasure you again.  When you are satisfied grab his balls again and make sure they are the same size or larger than they were the night before.  If you are feeling great love for him, let him cum and take some pleasure in the volume and force behind his load.  Yes, it was you that was responsible for his huge ejaculation.   On the off-chance that he cheated and masturbated while you were sleeping you'll probably have to beat the shit out of him.

These are just some ideas to help set the dynamic and gain some pleasure/appreciation for the Dominant role.   Hopfully you can find some pleasure in being able to do whatever you want, get whatever you want, and have a man that loves you more the more you ask of him.  

Any feedback?

Ideals, Enjoyment, and Female Pleasure in D/s

Lately I've read quite a few blog entries covering the topic of subs who have wives they have introduced to the D/s dynamic and the progress (or lack thereof) that has come about in the lifestyle.

While leaving some comments on Lady Grey's blog posting Rules, Responsibility and the Kink it got me thinking about this subject more in depth. 

Something that doesn't sit very well with me when these types of topics come up and I think it's due to a mix of factors that tend to contradict one another.  Subs will have a tendency to speak out that their wife isn't dominant enough but when someone refers to the dominance or submission that occurs in their lifestyle as being inadequate, the rabidly defend their position that it is everything they'd hoped for but always follow it up with a "you can't expect a fantasy lifestyle of in your WLM."  Basically, I think this is a bit bogus.  I don't mean to attack anyone who is in said position, but honestly, it either:
a) is enough to keep you happy in the long run.
b) is not enough to keep you happy in the long run.

Everyone seems to hope for c) it is enough because she refuses to dominate me further and if I press it too hard she'll divorce me so I've convinced myself this is the end-all-be-all of lifestyles or I couldn't be happy.

I wrote a post of a similar type a while ago titled Thoughts on Vanilla to D/s Conversion Techniques.
While this isn't really a technique, it's more of a thought process to try and "bridge the gap" between fantasy and reality that might help some people in this kind of situation.  This post will hopefully give some insight to subs, potential subs, fledgling Dommes, and reluctant Dommes.

Analyzing The Great Myth
There is a great myth in sub-land known as "I do it because it makes her happy and her life easier."  This is a great ideal and I'm sure it makes up a fraction of why a sub actually submits and performs activities/actions he wouldn't want to do in a standard vanilla relationship.  State this in front of your wife's friends and then beam in pride as they say they wish they had a man like you.  While it is a non-kinky way to introduce the D/s dynamic to a vanilla S/O, the key phrase here is "it makes up a fraction of why."

The natural follow-up is, what is the rest of it?

Digging into the psyche of the submissive male, things get a bit strange.  While "to make her life easier" flows so well in logic and in the heart and makes a D/s lifestyle desirable and natural, if it didn't arouse us, we wouldn't do it unless we felt like it.  Unfortunately "to make her life easier" and "to make her happy" aren't the primary driving factors of submissive male arousal (although Dommes would find their searches much easier if they truly were).

Introduce rules, chores, and routines into the mix and your logic might wish to believe it's "because we're supposed to do it."  This becomes a game of principles.  "Any man that loves his wife should do this," "it's the right thing to do," and "it's the way it should be," come to mind.  State these reasons in front of your wife's friends and beam in pride as they say they wish they had a man like you.  It is a bit more D/s than the previous reasons, but it's still not quite that way.  This is where many subs who have reluctant wives get stuck.  They do it because they're supposed to and because of the other two reasons above.  Again, this is great in principle and makes up a fraction of the reasons for D/s, but then why do they still imply a desire for more?

This brings us to the next step and at this point you will find the source of arousal for a submissive male.  "I do it because if I don't do it or don't do it well, there will be unpleasant consequences."  It is really the "do it or else" consequences that gets off the male sub.  No one wants to state outright that this is what turns them on because it makes them feel selfish and abnormally kinky/deviant.  However, the truth of it is that it gets them off when she steps up in an authoritarian way and exerts the inequality of their D/s relationship that really gets his blood pumping.

An example breakdown:
1.  I clean the bathroom because it makes her life easier and she's happier when I do it for her than when she has to do it.  (~20% of the reason)
2.  I clean the bathroom because a husband who loves his wife should make sacrifices for her.  (~20% of the reason)
3.  I clean the bathroom thoroughly because if I don't clean the bathroom to her expectations I'll get a painful over-the-knee spanking, some time-out corner time, and I won't get to orgasm for a week.  (~60%+ of the reason and ~90% of the arousal)
 
NOTE: I have met a few of the rare type that make up 0.02% of submissive men, these being the types that actually have a fetish for no-strings house-cleaning and similar activities.  They get off on doing something that isn't enjoyable and to be thanklessly brushed off by whomever they are providing service for.  This truly is a rare type, but they do exist.  What I can say for sure is that if you have ever said something like "it's all for her happiness" and within 5 minutes also said "it's enough because the other stuff is just kinky fantasy," you aren't one of these types.  Those types would never say it's enough for them because in most cases it turns them on that no one cares if it is enough for them or not. 

What this Means for Dommes
Observationally speaking, the above breakdown may make sense but there is still a gap that needs to be bridged and that is "what useful application of this knowledge is there to be had?"

Newer and reluctant Dommes tend to be a bit afraid of going too far in dominance.  They are often scared of hurting their sub emotionally and physically in a bad way and scared that if they unleash a significant amount of cruelty that he will want to leave.   Intensity tends to grow together in both dominance and submission.  I have referred to this in the past as "progressive escalation."  This is completely natural as when something becomes ordinary, the boundaries must be pressed in order to achieve the same level of intensity in the future.  In cases where a sub introduced the D/s lifestyle to his wife, he has usually been fantasizing for a loooooong time before she even thought about it, so there is a naturally catching up that needs to be done.  If he was as new to the fantasy as she was, this learning curve wouldn't seem so steep but in most cases he is several years into the mindset while she is just beginning.  The stumbling blocks tend to happen as she is in the process of catching up to where he is.

While it might be hard for a Domme to inflict cruelty on someone she loves, it is the cruelty that he truly craves.  The threat of punishment and consequences... the fear of her potential wrath at displeasure... the knowledge that she controls his pleasure and pain... these are the things he craves and deep down, truly needs.

I can see how this would be a strange concept to embrace for a newer or reluctant Domme, but it's the truth.  He wants to face your wrath if you're displeased.  He wants to be denied pleasure if he failed to please you.  He wants to give up control and has resigned himself to following your lead.  If you want him to truly love you, be selfish and let the dominance flow.  The more difficult you make things the more he will be yours.

Lady Grey took this one giant leap further in her last entry, an excerpt I've quoted here:
"A written rule like "Clean the toilet every day" becomes quite a different thing when I tie my husband's hands together and attach them to his cock and balls with a two foot rope and then tell him to clean the toilet."

This is a perfect example of tossing a curve-ball to a sub and keeping the mundane interesting and arousing.  Chances are he would be fighting a hard-on the entire time at both the situation you set out for him, the additional struggles he has to bear for no apparent reason, and the panic knowing that he must perform as well as when his hands are free to please you.

So how does it work for Her?

All of this might be fine and dandy so far in understanding his needs but there's still a problem with "doing it" for her.  Unless she's naturally dominant, there's no reason yet for any of these things to get her off.  I propose a certain way of thinking about it.

Simplify things by getting to the root of her emotional spectrum:
My submission is a symbol of my love for you.
My obedience is a symbol of my respect for you.
My focus on your priorities is a symbol of my devotion to you.
My acceptance of your will is a symbol of my trust in you.
I want everything to be perfect for you so that you will be happy.  I know I will stumble and I hope you will help me be your perfect man.  This process won't be easy.
I hope your hand will guide me.  I accept any pleasure or pain you feel I deserve.

By submitting to you he is giving you his all.  This is the most he can give of himself and he chose you as the person he wants to give it to.  Know that he submits out of strength rather than out of weakness.  Yes, it turns him on to do so, but there's worse things that could turn him on.  Let him display his love, devotion, obedience, respect, and trust for you in actions and cherish his submission.  Know that he will thrive under adversity if you place that upon him.  It will keep him focused, aroused, and happy.  He needs your love and appreciation but he does not crave kindness in return.

He wants you to control his orgasms.  When he cums he will do so with pride.  When he is denied it will make him try harder to please you.  He has given you this control out of love and trust.  He only wants to have pleasure when you have been pleased.

He wants you to punish him when he has failed to please you.  A submissive mind carries loads of guilt.  Punishment frees him of this guilt and he will love you for it (even if he hates the actual punishment).  Punishment will also make him try harder the next time.  He accepts this punishment so that he can make you happy.  

He wants you to hold him to impossibly high standards.  If you expect only the best from him it shows him that you think highly of him and he feels like he is capable of being the best.  Cherish that you have a man who wants to be the best to make you happy.

He wants you to fuck with him.  While it might seem wantonly cruel on the outside, he will accept your cruelty with happiness because this means you love him enough as a submissive to provide situations that keep him focused and aroused.  Take this as a sign of his devotion and he will be happy if his struggles entertain you.

I could go on an on but basically, accept these things as a symbol of his love and try to flow with it to love him back.  Know that by being cruel you are delivering pleasure and try to take some pleasure in that knowledge.  If you haven't found a way to make it turn you on, please, keep searching.

Looking back over this post... it seems like I derailed a bit but I hope it went somewhere that someone might find useful or interesting.

Health Concerns in a D/s Dynamic

In my last request for topic ideas Lady Grey responded with an interesting topic suggestion.  Part of her comment has been posted below:

"The subject is, more or less, the health questions that arise when a sub is expected to follow orders. The two problems that come to mind are:
1. "Lick the bottoms of my shoes clean!" Does that really make any sense, assuming the shoes have left the house and have stepped who-knows-where?
2. "Lick my ass! Make sure your tongue goes deeply in and out as you fuck me with it." Even if the Mistress cleans herself well before issuing such an order, is it hygienically fair to have your sub obey you?"

Oddly enough, this topic is something I have thought about quite a bit over the years and it was especially active in my thoughts when I was first entering the lifestyle.  Upon my first Mistress's request to come up with a list of hard limits for the relationship several of them were related to personal health and hygiene. 

In my initial list of hard limits I had several stipulations regarding cleanliness and hygiene.  I can't recall exactly what I wrote at that time but they included:
-Must have access to regular bathing and other personal hygiene such as brushing teeth and flossing.

-Nothing involving scat.

In addition to the two Lady Grey listed above, a few other scenarios I have seen that come to mind are:
-Diaper training or punishment (forcing someone to urinate and defecate in a diaper and continuing to wear it).
-Anal tampons (sometimes used for a "virtual period").
-Long-term chastity and thorough cleaning of the penis (especially for those who aren't circumcised).
-Long-term chastity and orgasm denial (in relation to regular expulsion of the prostate to avoid toxin build up).

A safe, sane, and consensual me says a sub shouldn't agree to be in a situation that could lead to serious health risks and issues.  If that means rejecting a certain activity on the grounds of health risk, so be it.  If that means choosing only to serve women who will keep things healthy and sanitary, so be it.

A realistic, deep sub-space and low will-power me will follow orders as commanded (especially if the threat of punishment is involved) and it's up to the Mistress to determine which acts are healthy and sanitary and which ones are not as well as whether or not she will subject her sub to said acts.

I guess my feelings are that a sub that is completely immersed in sub-space cannot make decisions for himself that are the best for his own well-being and I believe it's up to the Domme to decide what she will subject him to.  The advice I've given to newer Dommes in regards to these things are:  treat him like a favorite toy.  You play with him often and you can play rough, but you are always careful not to break him.

Overall, if the Domme doesn't respect health concerns I do not think she should be angry if the sub declines on those grounds.   She does have a reason to punish him and he should willingly accept the punishment for disobedience.  On the other hand, if she doesn't respect health concerns and he ends up getting very sick or having permanent damage, she should feel guilty and responsible (while he should also feel responsible but not guilty).  The best Dommes always account for the well-being of their subs.

Open to Suggestions...

As usual, I'm guessing the themes of my posts seem to be all over the map.  I do this a bit intentionally since I don't want to get into the habit of pigeonholing myself into one theme so I try to exert some balance, mixing my Femdom philosophy, personal thoughts, experiences, and more sissy/humiliation-oriented material.

Is there any type of post the readers would like to see more or less of?

I'm open to suggestions as I tend to just sort of write whatever flows out of me but if there's things that people like or dislike I'm willing to keep those requests in mind for future posts.

Erections: Self-Control vs. Prevention

Something that I've thought about a lot over the years is the idea of erection control.  I posted a bit about this with my KTB post, but I figured I'd revisit the subject. 

It's very common for a Domme to exert orgasm control over her sub.  Taking it a step further becomes erection control.  But what about another step further? 

Controlling an erection via chastity device vs. erection control via self-control by the sub.  I'll be the first to admit that my submission is closely connected to my sexuality, so I'm not sure I would enjoy a lifestyle without having it turn me on or at least the attempt at being turned on (if chastity was in play).  However, in my ideal submissive mindset being able to control my erections enough to only get hard on command is a lofty dream that I doubt I would ever be capable of controlling. 

I've read case studies of yoga practicing monks in Tibet who are able to exert such control over their bodies that they can perform amazing physical acts like raising their external body temperatures to 120 degrees F, slowing their heart rates to the range of 2-5 beats per minute for 10+ minutes, averaging 1-2 breaths per minute for 10+ minutes, and the like.  I can only liken a virile sub who is able to remain flaccid under any amount of teasing and upon her command, immediately spring to life to fall amongst those feats. 

I'm sure a Domme would be incredibly proud to have a sub she trained willing and able to follow erection commands to that extent.  At the same time, I have to wonder if that would be a bit boring for her.  I guess it depends a bit on her disposition, whether she enjoys watching him struggle to obey or have him be perfect every time. 

At some point during one of my single periods I had debated as to whether or not having this kind of control would have made me a more attractive sub or not, but it was never something I really worked on nor was it valued very heavily in the greater scheme of things.  Most of my Mistresses would have preferred to have me writhe away in excruciating sexual frustration than be self-disciplined enough to keep my penis in full control at all times.

Any thoughts?

A second peek

I got a fairly positive response to my last set of pictures, so I figured I'd post a couple more.  If anyone thinks these are almost the same as the last ones, they may very well be but these are actually different items than I took pictures of before. 

If you have read some of my earlier posts you will probably have found references to being forced to dress while serving or dressed for humiliation during punishment, as well as conditioned by only being allowed orgasms while dressed.  These are some more complete outfits that I dug out to show some examples of what those were like.

Serving Outfits

The white outfit would usually have a white mini-skirt.  Both outfits would have some form of coordinating stockings or tights and boots similar to those pictured in the first peek into my world.  These types of outfits were pretty standard.  In the summer, the A/C would be cranked to an appropriate temperature.  In the winter, the window was often cracked whenever Mistress would want to wear her fur.

The winters here get quite cold here and these weren't quite warm enough for outdoor use, so...

Outdoor Ski Bunny/Whore Humiliation Outfit Modification

It's not like the addition of a flimsy fur vest could do much against against the cold, but I knew better than to complain.  It was considered a privilege, along with other items like gloves and underwear.  Vests ended up being rather common as I am of a fairly muscular build and women's coats/jackets don't fit well or allow for a decent range of motion (e.g. for the hands cuffed behind the back). 

As shown in peek #1, on occasion contrasting colors are tossed by the wayside to go with a single color theme.

Virgin White

Sissy Pink

Sissy Fashion - The Bonnet

Well, in the past I have written posts on muffs and earmuffs, so now I'm visiting another long-standing symbol of femininity, the bonnet.

There was a time when many hats were termed bonnets, but eventually it came to reflect a certain style.  Bonnets were commonly worn year-round, providing warmth in winter but during most times, it served the function of keeping hair tidy at all times and free from wind and dust when outdoors.  These mostly stem from the pre-indoor plumbing amongst the masses eras of society and if you are in any first world nation, you likely have at least semi-regular access to a shower and hair brush.

This would then place the bonnet into the category of a dated and needlessly feminine item, likely to draw stares and a great deal of humiliation if a sissy was forced to wear one in public. If it ties at the chin a bonnet can also add a second level of security for sensory deprivation, holding earplugs (or the like) in place. 

The sinking feeling of "Yes"

Something has puzzled me a lot over the years.

When pleasure or privileges are denied to me or withheld from me it tends to push me into a deeper subspace.  In turn, that deep subspace arouses me, grants my soul peace, and increases my focus and attention on her (this makes me feel like I am being a good sub).   

For simplicity's sake I will use an orgasm as an example, but this pertains to more situations than just sexual activity.

-When I am teased and denied my submission tends to grow along with my sexual frustration. 
-As my submission increases, my arousal increases, causing my sexual frustration to increase at a greater rate.  -When sexual frustration reaches a high level I become agitated and desperate.
-In a desperate state further denial greatly increases my submission.
-Eventually everything spirals down to where I feel completely and totally owned.
-Feeling totally owned increases my arousal level pushing me to deeper and deeper levels of submission, love, and devotion.

Usually during play, it is well after I have reached this state when I am granted permission to orgasm.  But... after hours (or days) of whimpering and begging, when she says "you can cum now," all of a sudden it feels so wrong to do so.  It feels so wrong to want that.  It feels like I just "pulled a fast one" on her and tricked her into getting my way (even though that wasn't the case).  Even if I have "earned it," I'm stuck so deep in subspace that it just doesn't feel right emotionally to cum, especially when I know that my subspace will crash down around it.

It doesn't make a lot of sense to me and it makes me feel a bit crazy.  Taking pleasure in being denied pleasure and feeling bad when granted pleasure just seems very oxymoronic to me.

This might be getting to choose your favorite meal or restaurant (instead of her's), being given a night off from normal chores/duties, being given a special treat/gift that means she will miss out on something she will enjoy, etc.

Can anyone relate to this or am I just crazy?

Handcuffs

Handcuffs... they might seem a bit crude, a bit simple, and they lack some of the allure of some of the longer-term leather wrist restraints, but aside from a kick to the groin, they are one of the few things that can render a sub helpless within seconds.

In movies and television you'll often see ways of escaping from handcuffs.  Someone will pick the lock with a paper clip or a ball point pen or pull some acrobatic maneuver where they jump and swing their hands down under their feet so that their hands that were once behind them, are now in front of them.  These generally illustrate handcuffs that were improperly applied.  

Fun Facts about Handcuffs (and my non-factual thoughts about them):

-Professional grade handcuffs are double-locking.  That is, once they have been locked into place, a secondary locking mechanism can/should be applied to prevent the cuffs from further tightening.  This also makes picking the lock more difficult since the key must be turned all the way in one direction to release the double lock, and then turned all the way in the other direction to release the primary lock. 

If they are double locked, it's unlikely that an individual could pick 1, let alone both of the cuff locks without the attempt being detected.

-Professional grade handcuffs usually have 2 welded links connecting the cuffs.  While you can get handcuffs with more than 2 links (most novelty cuffs have 3 links), the standard issue handcuffs have only 2.  High security cuffs are often hinged, limiting movement to 2 directions.

With a 2 link or a hinged style, the ability to try to pick the lock or perform acrobatics is severely limited.

-The highest security method of applying handcuffs is to handcuff the individual with the palms facing outward and the keyholes facing towards the elbows.  This method limits arm movement and makes it easier for someone other than the wearer to unlock the cuffs.

Keeping the 2-link or hinged style in mind and with this method of application, very few people could actually reach the keyhole while being handcuffed.  It's not impossible, but they're either very flexible or have extremely long fingers.  Being handcuffed in this way throws off your balance a bit and leaves you completely defenseless.

-Prolonged struggling against metal handcuffs can lead to nerve damage.

Most metal handcuffs are better suited for short-term play than long-term wear.

I'm not sure why but I find it extremely exhilarating to be locked in handcuffs.  It's not always for a reason that I find enjoyable, but it's not often that you feel that vulnerable, helpless, and defenseless.  The audible click, the touch of the cold metal around your wrists, her hand grasping the back of your neck shoving you face first down onto the bed.  It's a bit scary and intimidating but at the same time I'm then able to resign myself to the ride.