Mistress ended up having to work tonight when she thought she had it off. It gets lonely, especially on weekends. In case anyone has ever wondered, this is why I am usually only available to blog three to four nights a week, as I don't blog when she is home.
Something else has caught my memory from my chat with Miss Lilly the other night. I was speaking a bit about the forced feminization in my relationship and reflecting upon it I stated something along the lines of: if I had known that it would become such a large part of my sexuality I may have refused it from the start.
I was thinking again tonight about how this came into being and I wondered how different things would have been if I had done that.
My primary fetish involving fur always has been for women wearing it. How different would I be now if I simply served a Venus in furs and the humiliation aspects of forced crossdressing hadn't been involved?
Honestly, I think I would be okay with it but I don't think my level of submission would be as deep as it is now nor the breadth of activities that I arouse me.
Considering that each of the Dommes I have served have seemingly "kept going where the other left off" in terms of using my fur fetish in a twisted way to turn me into a sissy, I have to wonder if others would have kept the same path or not.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Being "too submissive"
I'm feeling good enough to start blogging for real again. The impulses of negativity that had been ruining my days over the past month or two have silenced since yesterday and while I'm not a bundle of energy or anything, I'm feeling a whole lot better to my core.
Over my years in the lifestyle, two times I have been rejected by Dommes I was courting on the grounds that I was "too submissive." I'm guessing this was their way of voicing that my need for a very intense level of dominance was beyond what they would get turned on by doing, or it could have just as easily been a nice way of saying they weren't attracted to me.
I'm curious as to people's thoughts on this idea. Is there such a thing as "too submissive?" It's not like I am looking for a lifestyle in a stone dungeon chained to the wall 24-7 being fed scraps and going to the bathroom in a rusty bucket in the corner.
When I really think about it, I think what they must have meant in these cases is that they didn't think I would bring enough to the table in terms of the relationship aspect of things. At least, that is my best guess. They didn't want to be relied on all the time to make the decisions of where to eat, what we do, etc. and that I wouldn't have enough of an opinion or be interesting enough in that regards.
I guess I'm not quite sure. When in "courting mode" I project myself as being very flexible and I guess in some cases it's probably too flexible. I am someone that has a lot of interests and hobbies and a strong opinion on many things... but willing to fore go them unless asked.
I can see cases for this description where kink overlap is the issue or if someone has the personality of a doormat, but in the cases that I've had it used to describe me I don't think either was the case.
I guess I'm looking for opinions on this one. What would describing someone as "too submissive" mean to you?
Over my years in the lifestyle, two times I have been rejected by Dommes I was courting on the grounds that I was "too submissive." I'm guessing this was their way of voicing that my need for a very intense level of dominance was beyond what they would get turned on by doing, or it could have just as easily been a nice way of saying they weren't attracted to me.
I'm curious as to people's thoughts on this idea. Is there such a thing as "too submissive?" It's not like I am looking for a lifestyle in a stone dungeon chained to the wall 24-7 being fed scraps and going to the bathroom in a rusty bucket in the corner.
When I really think about it, I think what they must have meant in these cases is that they didn't think I would bring enough to the table in terms of the relationship aspect of things. At least, that is my best guess. They didn't want to be relied on all the time to make the decisions of where to eat, what we do, etc. and that I wouldn't have enough of an opinion or be interesting enough in that regards.
I guess I'm not quite sure. When in "courting mode" I project myself as being very flexible and I guess in some cases it's probably too flexible. I am someone that has a lot of interests and hobbies and a strong opinion on many things... but willing to fore go them unless asked.
I can see cases for this description where kink overlap is the issue or if someone has the personality of a doormat, but in the cases that I've had it used to describe me I don't think either was the case.
I guess I'm looking for opinions on this one. What would describing someone as "too submissive" mean to you?
The road to recovery
Well, things seem to be looking a bit upward in a good way. The weather still sucks but Friday I felt better emotionally than I did on Thursday and that breaks a huge string of (20+) days where I felt progressively worse.
It seems that going through my thoughts in the "Have I always been submissive?" post and chat with Miss Lilly helped steer me towards a better emotional direction.
It seems that going through my thoughts in the "Have I always been submissive?" post and chat with Miss Lilly helped steer me towards a better emotional direction.
Another practice portrait
Well, this one was supposed to turn into something else... but I just couldn't get the Domme that was supposed to be in the picture to look right and I was much happier with how the other woman turned out. I guess it ended up as a another practice portrait since this picture was the inspiration for what it was supposed to be.
Friday, March 11, 2011
A practice portrait
I stumbled across a picture last night and I immediately wanted to draw it. I thought it turned out fairly well.
Another new drawing
I drew this with some of the details from my post on Jan 12th of Revisiting the Lesbian Fantasy in mind.
In this fantasy scenario I was envisioning a Domme with two subs, one female and one male. The femsub outranks the male sub and receives preferential treatment. Her role is more of a nymphette sex kitten to the Domme while the male sub takes care of the tedious chores and receives the harshest beatings. If the Domme uses the male sub sexually it's either for cunnilingus or strap-on play.
Their behavior is rewarded differently. Based on the femsub's performance she will be allowed more or fewer orgasms per day. Based on the male sub's performance he will have more or fewer days until his next chastity release.
The Domme keeps them in "matching" maid's uniforms, with the male sub's uniform having adjustments to increase humiliation.
In this fantasy scenario I was envisioning a Domme with two subs, one female and one male. The femsub outranks the male sub and receives preferential treatment. Her role is more of a nymphette sex kitten to the Domme while the male sub takes care of the tedious chores and receives the harshest beatings. If the Domme uses the male sub sexually it's either for cunnilingus or strap-on play.
Their behavior is rewarded differently. Based on the femsub's performance she will be allowed more or fewer orgasms per day. Based on the male sub's performance he will have more or fewer days until his next chastity release.
The Domme keeps them in "matching" maid's uniforms, with the male sub's uniform having adjustments to increase humiliation.
Have I always been submissive?
This writing is a bit of catharsis to me...
A recent chat with a Miss Lilly, author of a newer blog called I Lead Him, led to the question if I have always been submissive towards women/girls.
Reflecting upon my past interactions with women, especially during my high school years, has taken on a bit of different perspective now than it has since i last thought about it.
During my mid to late teen years the majority of my closest friends were girls. It was probably a 60/40 split. Back then I was seen as a "good guy," and I had a fairly large social circle since I frequently had parties, could always make everyone laugh, played in bands, and used/abused drugs and alcohol. I was someone that people would talk to about their problems since I was a good listener and was able to give objective and insightful advice to what was going on. I was also able to find their good qualities and help build up their self-esteem.
I always made myself available to anyone and when the chips were down, people knew they could count on me to be there for them. Unfortunately this often opened me up to being used or taken advantage of by some people. At other times, people would treat me like their best friend when things were going bad but then never make time for me when things were going good. I call this being a "foul weather friend." This seemed to be most common with my women friends. I often felt like I was the shoulder to cry on between boyfriends.
At the time I was firmly convinced that I was just being a good guy... good friend, etc. and I was being taken advantage of. Now that I look back on things I know I wasn't as good of a guy as I thought I was but that path led me to my life as a submissive.
I was painfully single for most of high school and much of college. I know deep down I craved nothing more than to be loved and as Rob in the movie High Fidelity said "Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26, and we were of that disposition." Unfortunately that disposition for me had set in at around age 14. No one my age seemed to find me attractive (although women twice my age and for some reason, effeminate gay males, seemed to like me).
I think much of why I was the way that I was... willing to go out of my way for others... was fear of loneliness. I wanted to be someone that other people wanted in their lives. I wanted to be someone that a woman wanted to love. That's not to say the behavior was forced... it was quite genuine at the time: it's who I wanted to be as a person. When I look back, somewhere down the line I must have started projecting that I was that guy who would be there for anyone at any time. Sure, there were people that took advantage of me but at the same time, I realize now how much I needed them. I'm sort of glad that I had them in my life for even a brief period even if it meant I was going to feel betrayed later.
This was especially painful with my women friends. Back then I made a philosophical pact with myself to never fall for a woman simply based upon physical attractiveness. I didn't want to be shallow or superficial since I didn't want to be judged for shallow or superficial reasons. I decided to not fall for a woman until I got to know her pretty well and enjoyed who she was deep down. This made me aspire to be someone that was caring, nurturing, courteous, polite, and reliable. I wanted them to see me deep down and want to be with me because of that. Unfortunately this led to several awkward times where I fell for women friends. In those cases it was sort of like I was the guy in the Onion's article: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them
The women that used me when they needed me, was it really so one-sided? When I look back at it now I think I still needed them just as much. I needed them for the hope that I could be loved, either by one of them or they would talk me up so highly to one of their friends that the friend would be interested in me. I was pretty fucking desperate back then, but does that mean I was a bad person? It doesn't really matter really but as I thought through this a lot of the pain I had been carrying since I was younger has seemed to ease up quite a bit.
As I went through this I realized that this is really what set in motion my trip towards being a submissive. To do whatever it takes to please her, to make her smile, to make her feel good, to make her feel loved. As the years progressed my ideals grew beyond the emotional aspects of the relationship. To please her sexually, to give her ultimate bliss, to do whatever it took to satisfy her needs.
I became someone that was willing to sacrifice everything about myself for love. To feel loved was (and is) my one true need.
I'm not sure if that's where my arousal towards feeling used/replaceable stems from, but it makes sense that way. That's the role I ended up having to many of the women I was attracted to during my teens. Is that why it has become something that turns me on? I'm not sure.
What I can say is that it looks like I trained myself to be a submissive.
I'm copying/pasting that onion article here as it's pretty funny and pretty much exemplifies the power that women can wield over men.
From: http://www.theonion.com/articles/but-if-we-started-dating-it-would-ruin-our-friends,11473/
By Kimberly Pruitt
I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?
I knew you would understand. You always do.
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.
Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
A recent chat with a Miss Lilly, author of a newer blog called I Lead Him, led to the question if I have always been submissive towards women/girls.
Reflecting upon my past interactions with women, especially during my high school years, has taken on a bit of different perspective now than it has since i last thought about it.
During my mid to late teen years the majority of my closest friends were girls. It was probably a 60/40 split. Back then I was seen as a "good guy," and I had a fairly large social circle since I frequently had parties, could always make everyone laugh, played in bands, and used/abused drugs and alcohol. I was someone that people would talk to about their problems since I was a good listener and was able to give objective and insightful advice to what was going on. I was also able to find their good qualities and help build up their self-esteem.
I always made myself available to anyone and when the chips were down, people knew they could count on me to be there for them. Unfortunately this often opened me up to being used or taken advantage of by some people. At other times, people would treat me like their best friend when things were going bad but then never make time for me when things were going good. I call this being a "foul weather friend." This seemed to be most common with my women friends. I often felt like I was the shoulder to cry on between boyfriends.
At the time I was firmly convinced that I was just being a good guy... good friend, etc. and I was being taken advantage of. Now that I look back on things I know I wasn't as good of a guy as I thought I was but that path led me to my life as a submissive.
I was painfully single for most of high school and much of college. I know deep down I craved nothing more than to be loved and as Rob in the movie High Fidelity said "Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26, and we were of that disposition." Unfortunately that disposition for me had set in at around age 14. No one my age seemed to find me attractive (although women twice my age and for some reason, effeminate gay males, seemed to like me).
I think much of why I was the way that I was... willing to go out of my way for others... was fear of loneliness. I wanted to be someone that other people wanted in their lives. I wanted to be someone that a woman wanted to love. That's not to say the behavior was forced... it was quite genuine at the time: it's who I wanted to be as a person. When I look back, somewhere down the line I must have started projecting that I was that guy who would be there for anyone at any time. Sure, there were people that took advantage of me but at the same time, I realize now how much I needed them. I'm sort of glad that I had them in my life for even a brief period even if it meant I was going to feel betrayed later.
This was especially painful with my women friends. Back then I made a philosophical pact with myself to never fall for a woman simply based upon physical attractiveness. I didn't want to be shallow or superficial since I didn't want to be judged for shallow or superficial reasons. I decided to not fall for a woman until I got to know her pretty well and enjoyed who she was deep down. This made me aspire to be someone that was caring, nurturing, courteous, polite, and reliable. I wanted them to see me deep down and want to be with me because of that. Unfortunately this led to several awkward times where I fell for women friends. In those cases it was sort of like I was the guy in the Onion's article: But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them
The women that used me when they needed me, was it really so one-sided? When I look back at it now I think I still needed them just as much. I needed them for the hope that I could be loved, either by one of them or they would talk me up so highly to one of their friends that the friend would be interested in me. I was pretty fucking desperate back then, but does that mean I was a bad person? It doesn't really matter really but as I thought through this a lot of the pain I had been carrying since I was younger has seemed to ease up quite a bit.
As I went through this I realized that this is really what set in motion my trip towards being a submissive. To do whatever it takes to please her, to make her smile, to make her feel good, to make her feel loved. As the years progressed my ideals grew beyond the emotional aspects of the relationship. To please her sexually, to give her ultimate bliss, to do whatever it took to satisfy her needs.
I became someone that was willing to sacrifice everything about myself for love. To feel loved was (and is) my one true need.
I'm not sure if that's where my arousal towards feeling used/replaceable stems from, but it makes sense that way. That's the role I ended up having to many of the women I was attracted to during my teens. Is that why it has become something that turns me on? I'm not sure.
What I can say is that it looks like I trained myself to be a submissive.
I'm copying/pasting that onion article here as it's pretty funny and pretty much exemplifies the power that women can wield over men.
From: http://www.theonion.com/articles/but-if-we-started-dating-it-would-ruin-our-friends,11473/
But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them
By Kimberly Pruitt
June 9, 2009 | ISSUE 45•24
I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?I knew you would understand. You always do.
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.
Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
A Woman's Work is Never Done... Unless...
I did another drawing based upon Lady Grey's "A Woman's Work is Never Done... Unless She Owns a male slave" suggestion and continued it as a theme.
I also made some modifications to the last drawing to meet her request for having the sissy chained to the snow shovel. I also added a dog tether that is meant to lead to an ankle cuff. The tether would have turned out better as chain but chains take a very long time and are difficult to make any changes.
I also made some modifications to the last drawing to meet her request for having the sissy chained to the snow shovel. I also added a dog tether that is meant to lead to an ankle cuff. The tether would have turned out better as chain but chains take a very long time and are difficult to make any changes.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Life still sucks hehe
I had thought I was starting to get my "groove" back but after a few things at work and Mistress relapsing into her BPD they seem to have taken another down-turn.
It's really quite frustrating to know that these emotions and thoughts are false yet being unable to overcome them while they are happening. Having to choke back tears when some crappy sentimental commercial shows up on TV isn't what I'd consider one of my finer moments.
Hopefully something good will happen soon to help turn things around. Until then I'll still be "part-time" on blogging in order to avoid using the internet as a crutch.
It's really quite frustrating to know that these emotions and thoughts are false yet being unable to overcome them while they are happening. Having to choke back tears when some crappy sentimental commercial shows up on TV isn't what I'd consider one of my finer moments.
Hopefully something good will happen soon to help turn things around. Until then I'll still be "part-time" on blogging in order to avoid using the internet as a crutch.
Lesbian Femdom Fantasy Drawing
I finished another drawing today that I think for the most part turned out rather well for my current abilities.
It sort of covers the Lesbian fantasy that I have written about in the past and Lady Grey's post on The Appeal of Disinterest.
This is also my first drawing where I tried to add some sort of hand-drawn background (rather than just using clip art or pre-fab CG).
I was going to have a sign hanging on the wall but I wasn't really motivated to think up something clever and Femdom to have on it. If anyone has any ideas I will add them to the drawing. If you have ever been to someone's home that had like a circular embroidered sign hanging on the wall that said something like "Home Sweet Home" or another cliché... I'm going for what the Domme of the house might have hanging on the wall announcing their lifestyle. If I come up with something I may add it but I'm open to suggestions.
I've also added Lady Grey's suggestion for the sign on the wall. I also added some window frost and poorly drawn icicles. Lastly, the sub's butt didn't turn out quite right so I fiddled with it for longer than I'd like to admit and it still doesn't look right... but now in a different way than before.
It sort of covers the Lesbian fantasy that I have written about in the past and Lady Grey's post on The Appeal of Disinterest.
This is also my first drawing where I tried to add some sort of hand-drawn background (rather than just using clip art or pre-fab CG).
I was going to have a sign hanging on the wall but I wasn't really motivated to think up something clever and Femdom to have on it. If anyone has any ideas I will add them to the drawing. If you have ever been to someone's home that had like a circular embroidered sign hanging on the wall that said something like "Home Sweet Home" or another cliché... I'm going for what the Domme of the house might have hanging on the wall announcing their lifestyle. If I come up with something I may add it but I'm open to suggestions.
I've also added Lady Grey's suggestion for the sign on the wall. I also added some window frost and poorly drawn icicles. Lastly, the sub's butt didn't turn out quite right so I fiddled with it for longer than I'd like to admit and it still doesn't look right... but now in a different way than before.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Failed attempt at perspective
Well, I finished another drawing this evening that took me way longer than I'd like to admit.
I set out to try and do a "Domme towering over her sub" type perspective drawing, trying to get the sub's view looking upwards at her looming over him... but alas, I failed quite badly in that regards.
I do think it turned out fairly okay, but not quite what I was going for.
On the plus side, I only used a model for about 30% of the Domme's body and drew everything else free-hand and I have to say the result was much better than my previous attempts at doing that.
I set out to try and do a "Domme towering over her sub" type perspective drawing, trying to get the sub's view looking upwards at her looming over him... but alas, I failed quite badly in that regards.
I do think it turned out fairly okay, but not quite what I was going for.
On the plus side, I only used a model for about 30% of the Domme's body and drew everything else free-hand and I have to say the result was much better than my previous attempts at doing that.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Drawing
I have a new drawing with two variations. The chains are soooooo time consuming to draw/arrange. The Y-chain is intended to connect to a cock ring at the bottom.
It seems like there's lots of forced sissy art done with shorts (instead of a skirt/dress) so I figure I would give it a try.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
An Uphill Battle
Well... I tried my best to stave off the wave of depression that I could feel coming on for the past month or so but tonight it really set in. I usually do a pretty good job of managing it but every so often things flare up in a bad way and now is one of those times. It's kind of stupid actually, sitting here with all these terrible and negative thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head and I am fully aware that they are just my brain malfunctioning on a chemical level, but that doesn't make them go away nor keep them from stealing the joy from my day to day life.
I'm trying to pinpoint a root cause for why this is setting in now seeing as Mistress and I are doing decently well right now. We aren't fighting, but we aren't really doing much either. I think it's coming from gradually wearing down over the past couple of months with difficulties between Mistress and I, lots of problems with her son, my job undergoing "restructuring" that has made my work seem unappreciated and unnoticed, predominantly terrible weather, a couple of big problems going in in my extended family, and some car problems. Now that I think about it, it might have been the flat tire I had today that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I'm going to take a break from the blog-o-sphere for a while I try to get my head sorted out. Hopefully it'll only take a few days but it may be a bit longer. Spending too much time on the internet when I'm in this kind of mood tends to make it harder to work through it. I do plan to draw as that has been bringing me pleasure and I will be posting drawings as I finish them. I will check in now and then to reply to comments and emails.
I finished a drawing this evening and was in the process of writing a caption for it when everything sort of hit me.
Here it is (minus the caption which I may finish at a later date):
I'm trying to pinpoint a root cause for why this is setting in now seeing as Mistress and I are doing decently well right now. We aren't fighting, but we aren't really doing much either. I think it's coming from gradually wearing down over the past couple of months with difficulties between Mistress and I, lots of problems with her son, my job undergoing "restructuring" that has made my work seem unappreciated and unnoticed, predominantly terrible weather, a couple of big problems going in in my extended family, and some car problems. Now that I think about it, it might have been the flat tire I had today that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I'm going to take a break from the blog-o-sphere for a while I try to get my head sorted out. Hopefully it'll only take a few days but it may be a bit longer. Spending too much time on the internet when I'm in this kind of mood tends to make it harder to work through it. I do plan to draw as that has been bringing me pleasure and I will be posting drawings as I finish them. I will check in now and then to reply to comments and emails.
I finished a drawing this evening and was in the process of writing a caption for it when everything sort of hit me.
Here it is (minus the caption which I may finish at a later date):
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
And yet more practice
For as long as I can remember I've always wished I was better at drawing so that I could draw sexy women. I wish it wasn't so hard to get good at it.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Some more drawing practice
The facial features on my last drawing didn't turn out as well as I wanted them to so I did some more practice today and I'm fairly happy with how it turned out.
The nose isn't perfect but it's better than I've done in the past and I'm fairly happy with the lips. The iris and pupils aren't quite what I was going for but the overall eye shape turned out quite well.
The nose isn't perfect but it's better than I've done in the past and I'm fairly happy with the lips. The iris and pupils aren't quite what I was going for but the overall eye shape turned out quite well.
Conditioned Sexual Response and Forced Fetish Development
One of my former Mistresses had some pretty extensive experiences with extreme sexual conditioning and control. She was very active in the lifestyle and attended many group functions and encountered many couples where the Dom had developed such a high level of control over the sub's sexual response that they could basically get turned on or off upon command. In the most extreme cases the sub could either orgasm almost immediately in response to a particular command or couldn't orgasm without a command.
This was fairly early in my entry into the lifestyle and I found (and still find) this idea to be very intriguing and quite a turn on. e.g. If she said "get hard" you'd automatically have an erection. If she said "go limp" you'd lose an erection. If she said "cum" you wouldn't be able to hold back an ejaculation even if only minimal stimulus was applied. If she didn't say "cum" you couldn't ejaculate.
Unfortunately things didn't last long enough to ever go down this path but the idea has always remained in the back of my mind. Over the years I've found there's a few ways that are able to manipulate the male sexual response, some of which are physical and others are more emotional/mental. I find some of these options to be appealing while others are not. I don't consider chastity to be a direct part of this (although it can be used to assist in conditioning) since it only controls the ability to get an erection, not the attempt at getting an erection.
The easiest method is through the use of a device. A KTB comes to mind as probably the most prominent device of this type to condition a male to not get hard. While effective it's probably best used in situations where the Domme doesn't want the sub to think of her in a sexual way. Even if he is interacting with her sexually, he's not supposed to respond with any type of arousal. A KTB definitely falls into the realm of negative reinforcement.
More intricate conditioning methods often take a lot of time to establish but at the same time, if they happen regularly over a long enough period of time the conditioning can firmly become a part of the sub's sexuality. Consistent (or even ritualized) negative reinforcement can breed a subconscious association with the action leading to the negative treatment. I believe the key here is that the negative reinforcement has to go beyond what will yield any enjoyment for the sub. This may be difficult in some cases, especially subs that are intense masochists or crave complete degradation. With some experimentation a Domme can probably find some negative act (or intensity of a negative act) that doesn't elicit a sexual response from the sub. With enough time and negative conditioning a sub may stop responding sexually to something that once turned them on or find it much more difficult to get aroused by something in particular or in the most extreme cases find it difficult to get an erection without permission.
Using positive reinforcement to condition a positive sexual association is a bit more straight forward but it can be quite a bit more interesting depending upon how it is used. In its easiest practical use, ordering a sub to partake in an activity the Domme enjoys but he dislikes and granting him a sexual reward afterward will eventually develop a positive sexual response in the sub towards that activity. But what if this is taken to the extreme?
Allowing a sub to ejaculate only under particular circumstances or during a specific act, in a certain environment, or under certain types of stimuli can, in essence, develop a fetish in the sub. Since fetishes are believed to be developed through excessive masturbation while fantasizing about a specific object/situation, limiting a sub's ejaculation only when certain criteria are present (and possibly emphasized) is pretty much the same thing.
With a bit of imagination it seems like a rather devious tool to be able to cause a sub to get off over something they initially had no sexual interest in.
Any thoughts?
This was fairly early in my entry into the lifestyle and I found (and still find) this idea to be very intriguing and quite a turn on. e.g. If she said "get hard" you'd automatically have an erection. If she said "go limp" you'd lose an erection. If she said "cum" you wouldn't be able to hold back an ejaculation even if only minimal stimulus was applied. If she didn't say "cum" you couldn't ejaculate.
Unfortunately things didn't last long enough to ever go down this path but the idea has always remained in the back of my mind. Over the years I've found there's a few ways that are able to manipulate the male sexual response, some of which are physical and others are more emotional/mental. I find some of these options to be appealing while others are not. I don't consider chastity to be a direct part of this (although it can be used to assist in conditioning) since it only controls the ability to get an erection, not the attempt at getting an erection.
The easiest method is through the use of a device. A KTB comes to mind as probably the most prominent device of this type to condition a male to not get hard. While effective it's probably best used in situations where the Domme doesn't want the sub to think of her in a sexual way. Even if he is interacting with her sexually, he's not supposed to respond with any type of arousal. A KTB definitely falls into the realm of negative reinforcement.
More intricate conditioning methods often take a lot of time to establish but at the same time, if they happen regularly over a long enough period of time the conditioning can firmly become a part of the sub's sexuality. Consistent (or even ritualized) negative reinforcement can breed a subconscious association with the action leading to the negative treatment. I believe the key here is that the negative reinforcement has to go beyond what will yield any enjoyment for the sub. This may be difficult in some cases, especially subs that are intense masochists or crave complete degradation. With some experimentation a Domme can probably find some negative act (or intensity of a negative act) that doesn't elicit a sexual response from the sub. With enough time and negative conditioning a sub may stop responding sexually to something that once turned them on or find it much more difficult to get aroused by something in particular or in the most extreme cases find it difficult to get an erection without permission.
Using positive reinforcement to condition a positive sexual association is a bit more straight forward but it can be quite a bit more interesting depending upon how it is used. In its easiest practical use, ordering a sub to partake in an activity the Domme enjoys but he dislikes and granting him a sexual reward afterward will eventually develop a positive sexual response in the sub towards that activity. But what if this is taken to the extreme?
Allowing a sub to ejaculate only under particular circumstances or during a specific act, in a certain environment, or under certain types of stimuli can, in essence, develop a fetish in the sub. Since fetishes are believed to be developed through excessive masturbation while fantasizing about a specific object/situation, limiting a sub's ejaculation only when certain criteria are present (and possibly emphasized) is pretty much the same thing.
With a bit of imagination it seems like a rather devious tool to be able to cause a sub to get off over something they initially had no sexual interest in.
Any thoughts?
A new drawing
I feel like I regressed a bit on this one but it was more difficult than I thought it would be.
This used another picture from Mr Mockle as a model.
This used another picture from Mr Mockle as a model.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Stupid Polls
For some reason votes seem to be dropping off of my polls. I'm not sure if this means that people who voted deleted accounts or if cookies expired, etc. or what. I guess I'll have to start letting them expire rather than changing the end dates to keep them going.
Looking for feedback, suggestions, comments... anything
I guess I've just been feeling lonely lately, especially with Mistress working nights and things being a handful on the home front right now. If anyone has any ideas, comments, suggestions, feedback, requests, etc. for drawings or writings, please let me know.
It's one of those times where I just wish I could feel a connection of some sort.
It's one of those times where I just wish I could feel a connection of some sort.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Fun with drawing
Progress seems to be happening slowly but I've finally been able to notice it in the past few weeks. It seems that it's as much a part of learning the easiest way to draw in Illustrator as it is improving actual techniques.
I still have a long ways to go but it's really bringing me a lot of joy now that it's less of a struggle to convey what I'm trying to.
I pretty much neglected shading on this one as getting the shading right takes me nearly as long as it does to do the entire drawing. It's kind of silly like that. Right now it's pretty much an even split on time: one third drawing almost everything, one third drawing just the eyes, nose, and lips, and one third for shading.
I have another one of just the Domme since it turned out better than I had expected it to.
I still have a long ways to go but it's really bringing me a lot of joy now that it's less of a struggle to convey what I'm trying to.
I pretty much neglected shading on this one as getting the shading right takes me nearly as long as it does to do the entire drawing. It's kind of silly like that. Right now it's pretty much an even split on time: one third drawing almost everything, one third drawing just the eyes, nose, and lips, and one third for shading.
I have another one of just the Domme since it turned out better than I had expected it to.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Sacrifice as a symbol of love and devotion
Sacrifice is often viewed as a symbol of love and devotion. While they are often related in both vanilla and D/s relationships, sacrifice is often seen as a cornerstone of D/s relationships.
In pretty much any D/s relationship subs are expected to sacrifice power/control, sexual freedom/orgasm control, and privacy/secrecy (among other things) from the get go. These are pretty much anticipated from the start and a sub entering into a D/s relationship pretty much accepts to sacrifice at least this much as it's pretty much what makes up submission. Stricter Dommes will probably require more sacrifices from the beginning whereas more relaxed Dommes may require only a few.
Since reluctant Domme converts may (at least at first) find their lover/sub wishing to make more sacrifices than they would like to accept, I'm not going to include them in the discussion.
What I'm mostly interested are sacrifices that are made during the relationship, after the initial sacrifices have been made and agreed to. In my opinion, sacrifices end up falling into two primary categories and are meant to symbolize two primary things.
Categories:
1. Sacrifices offered by the sub.
2. Sacrifices demanded by the Domme.
Symbolism:
A. Love
B. Devotion
As with any relationship, D/s relationships often have their ups and downs and the sub may find themselves in a position where they have to come up with something special to make up for a previous wrong. A sub may do something drastic or offer up a sacrifice hoping the Domme will see it as being a sufficient display of devotion.
In other cases a sub may wish to make a sacrifice in a romantic way, offering his sacrifice to appeal to his Domme's emotions and use them as a symbol of his love for her.
Both types are thought of in fairly high regard but it is absolutely crucial that the sub's sacrifice appropriately appeals to the Domme's likes and dislikes. e.g. a Domme that loves vaginal intercourse with a live penis will likely be offended if a sub shows up wearing a steel chastity belt and hands her the key saying he doesn't want to be unlocked for the next year.
A difficult aspect of being a sub is that a deep and meaningful sacrifice can often only be used once before it becomes the norm. The result is that the "next time" there must be an even greater sacrifice. I don't think it comes as any surprise that D/s intensity tends to increase over time.
When a Domme demands/requires a sacrifice from her sub it usually has a significantly different feel even though the underlying premises may remain the same. Since I'm prone to giving everything labels and categories, I will say that most Domme-driven sacrifices usually stem from either a test for her sub or a punishment.
A Domme wanting to test their sub may wish to see a symbol of either his love or devotion. Tests of devotion tend to happen much earlier in relationships and tests of love are more common later down the road (often when things grow a bit stale or lazy). "If he is truly devoted to me he should be willing to give up" or "If he truly loves me he will be willing to give up ." These tests can sometimes stem from insecurity (and in vanilla relationships they usually do), but acknowledging that doesn't change the fact that they do happen.
A sub faced with one of these tests is at a huge disadvantage.
A Domme that wishes to punish their sub may require a sacrifice as proof of devotion and a serious commitment to the nature of the D/s relationship. This is pretty straight-forward and doesn't really need any explaining.
What strikes me as odd is the difference in how each of these are viewed. A sub that offers a sacrifice is seen as loving and romantic. A Domme that requires sacrifice is often seen as "going too far" in the D/s dynamic. What I don't quite understand about this view is that while it's in general agreement that being a Domme in a lifestyle D/s relationship takes a LOT of work to keep things rolling, keep things interesting, and keeping the relationship on the right track, it seems like when I read blogs where a Domme has required great sacrifice on the part of the sub there's often a lot of negative responses both from subs and other Dommes.
I guess the majority of the time I file required sacrifice under "necessary maintenance." Subs tend to get more submissive over time just as Dommes tend to get more dominant over time and rarely do these progressions happen at the same rate. I think that sacrifices tend to serve as a "jump start" to help catch the other party up to whichever one is moving faster along the curve and get them closer to the same page. In cases where this is unsuccessful it's often an easy indicator that the two are not compatible (or not compatible any longer).
In pretty much any D/s relationship subs are expected to sacrifice power/control, sexual freedom/orgasm control, and privacy/secrecy (among other things) from the get go. These are pretty much anticipated from the start and a sub entering into a D/s relationship pretty much accepts to sacrifice at least this much as it's pretty much what makes up submission. Stricter Dommes will probably require more sacrifices from the beginning whereas more relaxed Dommes may require only a few.
Since reluctant Domme converts may (at least at first) find their lover/sub wishing to make more sacrifices than they would like to accept, I'm not going to include them in the discussion.
What I'm mostly interested are sacrifices that are made during the relationship, after the initial sacrifices have been made and agreed to. In my opinion, sacrifices end up falling into two primary categories and are meant to symbolize two primary things.
Categories:
1. Sacrifices offered by the sub.
2. Sacrifices demanded by the Domme.
Symbolism:
A. Love
B. Devotion
As with any relationship, D/s relationships often have their ups and downs and the sub may find themselves in a position where they have to come up with something special to make up for a previous wrong. A sub may do something drastic or offer up a sacrifice hoping the Domme will see it as being a sufficient display of devotion.
In other cases a sub may wish to make a sacrifice in a romantic way, offering his sacrifice to appeal to his Domme's emotions and use them as a symbol of his love for her.
Both types are thought of in fairly high regard but it is absolutely crucial that the sub's sacrifice appropriately appeals to the Domme's likes and dislikes. e.g. a Domme that loves vaginal intercourse with a live penis will likely be offended if a sub shows up wearing a steel chastity belt and hands her the key saying he doesn't want to be unlocked for the next year.
A difficult aspect of being a sub is that a deep and meaningful sacrifice can often only be used once before it becomes the norm. The result is that the "next time" there must be an even greater sacrifice. I don't think it comes as any surprise that D/s intensity tends to increase over time.
When a Domme demands/requires a sacrifice from her sub it usually has a significantly different feel even though the underlying premises may remain the same. Since I'm prone to giving everything labels and categories, I will say that most Domme-driven sacrifices usually stem from either a test for her sub or a punishment.
A Domme wanting to test their sub may wish to see a symbol of either his love or devotion. Tests of devotion tend to happen much earlier in relationships and tests of love are more common later down the road (often when things grow a bit stale or lazy). "If he is truly devoted to me he should be willing to give up
A sub faced with one of these tests is at a huge disadvantage.
A Domme that wishes to punish their sub may require a sacrifice as proof of devotion and a serious commitment to the nature of the D/s relationship. This is pretty straight-forward and doesn't really need any explaining.
What strikes me as odd is the difference in how each of these are viewed. A sub that offers a sacrifice is seen as loving and romantic. A Domme that requires sacrifice is often seen as "going too far" in the D/s dynamic. What I don't quite understand about this view is that while it's in general agreement that being a Domme in a lifestyle D/s relationship takes a LOT of work to keep things rolling, keep things interesting, and keeping the relationship on the right track, it seems like when I read blogs where a Domme has required great sacrifice on the part of the sub there's often a lot of negative responses both from subs and other Dommes.
I guess the majority of the time I file required sacrifice under "necessary maintenance." Subs tend to get more submissive over time just as Dommes tend to get more dominant over time and rarely do these progressions happen at the same rate. I think that sacrifices tend to serve as a "jump start" to help catch the other party up to whichever one is moving faster along the curve and get them closer to the same page. In cases where this is unsuccessful it's often an easy indicator that the two are not compatible (or not compatible any longer).
Thank you for the drawing
Candy from A Submissive Sissy was nice enough to do a drawing based upon my sissy aerobics drawing.
It's a much better drawing than mine but at least I was able to inspire the outfit.
Thank you, Candy.
It's a much better drawing than mine but at least I was able to inspire the outfit.
Thank you, Candy.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
On the Home front
Mistress has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder which gives us a face to the enemy that has been at the root of our troubles over the past year or so. This is the kind of thing that makes the lifestyle very difficult and I hope that she (and we) are able to make some progress towards repairing our relationship.
It's good to finally know what we're really up against but this has been a very difficult process leading up to where we are now.
It's good to finally know what we're really up against but this has been a very difficult process leading up to where we are now.
Hrm...
My experiences being humiliated in public by Mistresses has been varied but usually on the tame side of things compared to what is possible. What I've learned is that it really doesn't take much. A well-planned item can be enough to garner the desired effect and it doesn't have to be over-the-top to do so, both for an external reaction from onlookers and the internal reaction for the sissy.
I've seen items similar to these before but I guess you could call these "this year's model."
Even if mostly worn under a coat with the scarf ends running up the sleeves, the design leads to a constant state of self-awareness for the sub as every time they move their arms it will give a tug around the neck.
I guess you could think of them as a state of of mild bondage with a greater intent to humiliate than restrain.
I've seen items similar to these before but I guess you could call these "this year's model."
Even if mostly worn under a coat with the scarf ends running up the sleeves, the design leads to a constant state of self-awareness for the sub as every time they move their arms it will give a tug around the neck.
I guess you could think of them as a state of of mild bondage with a greater intent to humiliate than restrain.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Early exposure: The Ice Storm
I've written a few posts about how my early exposure to Femdom didn't happen through the "front door," which would be basically being turned on by BDSM, D/s, Femdom, etc. My route began with a fetish for women in fur, which led to a few fur fetish sites in the earlier days of the internet. For some reason a few of those same sites were heavily tied to Femdom and that made up much of my earliest exposure to the lifestyle. NTCWeb, Sardax, and to some extent, Melody O'Hair led me down this path to having a sexual tie between fur and Femdom.
I used to be a huge movie fanatic. I've since cut back significantly but I still have an enjoyment of good cinema and I have a dedicated following to a handful of writers/directors that I have grown to trust will consistently put out good movies. Ang Lee is one of those directors. In 1997 I rented the Ice Storm with a female friend of mine and we watched it together. If you aren't familiar with the movie, it takes place in the early 70's in white upper middle class suburbia and centers around a couple of dysfunctional families.
As she searches for something to distract him with she finds a whip out on the deck with them and you can see her response.
It can basically be summarized in:
SW picks up whip and gazes it up and down.
SW to son: Where did you get this?
son to SW: Uncle got it for me on his trip to .
SW starts to fiddle with the whip, tossing her hair and then playing with it in her hands. She seems to be getting ideas and possibly a bit aroused.
SW to son: Play with the whip.
SW hands the whip back to her son and as she tells him to play with it she's sort of pointing it at him like a command.
I returned the movie the next day and immediately went out and bought a copy of it. It's a very good movie in its own right but at that point I rarely if ever bought movies (I owned maybe 10 or so at that time). I pretty much kept it cued up to that scene so I could just pop it back into the player and go through that one when I wanted to masturbate.
In hindsight I can see how this affected me as it portrayed a situation mixing fur, sex, and power. I've always been attracted to women that were self-assured and went out and took what they wanted and this pretty much captured all of it. I give this scene about 20% of the credit towards my developing into a submissive.
I sort of wish I knew what Ang Lee told Sigourney Weaver about acting in that scene. I may have to buy the Criterion Collection release and listen to the commentary to see if it can shed any insight. I can picture it as being something like "Okay, you find the whip, you're intrigued, ask him, now imagine yourself with your lover and you want to whip him with it and this gets you off." The other interpretation I've had of it is like "Oh shit, is this my whip from my closet? I better ask him. Ok good... mmm... I love whips..."
I can only imagine how different my life would have been if I didn't have a fetish for women in fur. I kind of have a feeling I wouldn't have turned out as a submissive and even if I did turn out as a submissive I probably wouldn't have turned out as a sissy.
I used to be a huge movie fanatic. I've since cut back significantly but I still have an enjoyment of good cinema and I have a dedicated following to a handful of writers/directors that I have grown to trust will consistently put out good movies. Ang Lee is one of those directors. In 1997 I rented the Ice Storm with a female friend of mine and we watched it together. If you aren't familiar with the movie, it takes place in the early 70's in white upper middle class suburbia and centers around a couple of dysfunctional families.
In the movie, Sigourney Weaver plays the wife in one family that is having an affair with the husband of the other family (although you get the impression that this isn't her first affair and she "upgrades" to a more exciting guy as soon as her current one bores her). During one of the scenes she returns home to find her ~12 year old son blowing up his toys with M-80 firecrackers. After sort of chewing him out she looks for something else to hold his attention. What first drew my attention to this scene is her coat. I absolutely love its style (although I'm a bit iffy on the print). The cut/shape and the fur, mixed with the fact that her character is pretty much the most sexual character in the story really got my blood pumping.
After my friend left I rewound the tape to this scene and played through it over and over again... full speed, slow motion, frame by frame, etc. I know I jerked off several times to it.
It can basically be summarized in:
SW picks up whip and gazes it up and down.
SW to son: Where did you get this?
son to SW: Uncle
SW starts to fiddle with the whip, tossing her hair and then playing with it in her hands. She seems to be getting ideas and possibly a bit aroused.
SW to son: Play with the whip.
SW hands the whip back to her son and as she tells him to play with it she's sort of pointing it at him like a command.
I returned the movie the next day and immediately went out and bought a copy of it. It's a very good movie in its own right but at that point I rarely if ever bought movies (I owned maybe 10 or so at that time). I pretty much kept it cued up to that scene so I could just pop it back into the player and go through that one when I wanted to masturbate.
In hindsight I can see how this affected me as it portrayed a situation mixing fur, sex, and power. I've always been attracted to women that were self-assured and went out and took what they wanted and this pretty much captured all of it. I give this scene about 20% of the credit towards my developing into a submissive.
I sort of wish I knew what Ang Lee told Sigourney Weaver about acting in that scene. I may have to buy the Criterion Collection release and listen to the commentary to see if it can shed any insight. I can picture it as being something like "Okay, you find the whip, you're intrigued, ask him, now imagine yourself with your lover and you want to whip him with it and this gets you off." The other interpretation I've had of it is like "Oh shit, is this my whip from my closet? I better ask him. Ok good... mmm... I love whips..."
I can only imagine how different my life would have been if I didn't have a fetish for women in fur. I kind of have a feeling I wouldn't have turned out as a submissive and even if I did turn out as a submissive I probably wouldn't have turned out as a sissy.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Fantasy...
Something I've noticed is that my fantasies tend to gravitate between two primarily different scenarios or something that starts as one and oscillates between the two.
The two primary scenarios being:
A) a situation where the Domme is controlling and strict but at the same time very loving and cherishes her sub.
B) a situation where the Domme is overtly cruel to the sub and treats him with disdain but keeps him around because she knows that he would be difficult to replace with another sub and still receive the same level of service.
I've never quite understood why my mind tends to swing to both. It seems like when I am feeling down, situation A gives the warm and fuzzy feelings while still meeting the criteria that cater to my submission. I think situation B is more a response because my deepest submission and cravings generally occur in situations that are better described in that way.
I think my ideal fantasy seems to happen when both sides of the coin face up at the same time. That is, the Domme knows deep down that she cherishes the sub and will do whatever is necessary to keep him and keep him well-behaved but the sub is kept in an off-balance state of mixed signals and emotional confusion. He has equal fear of being cast out and her wrath, yet carries tremendous love for her at all times. The end result is one of desperation to please her while suffering at her mercy as he gives her a piece of his soul.
The details surrounding each fantasy have changed for me over the years but it seems like the basic themes have stayed the same. When I first entered the lifestyle forced fem was the last thing I would ever think would turn me on. My earliest visions were of being kept in a collar and cuffs while serving a woman dressed in leather and fur. It's strange how much my experiences and conditioning have changed the details of those fantasies.
A few weeks ago I wrote a post revisiting the lesbian fantasy that has followed me over the years. http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2011/01/revisiting-lesbian-fantasy.html
My sexual responses to this idea haven't changed over the years and it's this fantasy that often serves as the gateway in my current fantasies to shift between situations A and B. e.g. man serves woman, they fall in love, woman adds another female lover into the mix, female lover displaces man and makes his life a living hell, woman's romantic love for man fades and cruelty increases.
I can feel things changing again lately. Ever since I dropped my hard limit and let Mistress violate me anally that seems to be creeping into my fantasies with increasing frequency...
I guess these are just some random thoughts.
The two primary scenarios being:
A) a situation where the Domme is controlling and strict but at the same time very loving and cherishes her sub.
B) a situation where the Domme is overtly cruel to the sub and treats him with disdain but keeps him around because she knows that he would be difficult to replace with another sub and still receive the same level of service.
I've never quite understood why my mind tends to swing to both. It seems like when I am feeling down, situation A gives the warm and fuzzy feelings while still meeting the criteria that cater to my submission. I think situation B is more a response because my deepest submission and cravings generally occur in situations that are better described in that way.
I think my ideal fantasy seems to happen when both sides of the coin face up at the same time. That is, the Domme knows deep down that she cherishes the sub and will do whatever is necessary to keep him and keep him well-behaved but the sub is kept in an off-balance state of mixed signals and emotional confusion. He has equal fear of being cast out and her wrath, yet carries tremendous love for her at all times. The end result is one of desperation to please her while suffering at her mercy as he gives her a piece of his soul.
The details surrounding each fantasy have changed for me over the years but it seems like the basic themes have stayed the same. When I first entered the lifestyle forced fem was the last thing I would ever think would turn me on. My earliest visions were of being kept in a collar and cuffs while serving a woman dressed in leather and fur. It's strange how much my experiences and conditioning have changed the details of those fantasies.
A few weeks ago I wrote a post revisiting the lesbian fantasy that has followed me over the years. http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2011/01/revisiting-lesbian-fantasy.html
My sexual responses to this idea haven't changed over the years and it's this fantasy that often serves as the gateway in my current fantasies to shift between situations A and B. e.g. man serves woman, they fall in love, woman adds another female lover into the mix, female lover displaces man and makes his life a living hell, woman's romantic love for man fades and cruelty increases.
I can feel things changing again lately. Ever since I dropped my hard limit and let Mistress violate me anally that seems to be creeping into my fantasies with increasing frequency...
I guess these are just some random thoughts.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Newest drawing... finally some progress
I'm actually a bit proud of this one. Not really that I'm getting that much better at drawing, but more so that I'm finally showing some progress with shading and drawing eyes and lips. I still have a ways to go on all of them but it's definitely happening more easily and with better results than I was having a few weeks ago.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
How women can humiliate men
Being humiliated by a woman or in front of several women is a big fetish for many subs and is especially common amongst sissies. However, there's so many types of humiliation, many of which hit different parts of the male psyche.
If you are a single male and you:
-Aren't extremely handsome/attractive
-Don't have a "good" physical build.
-Don't have a "good" head of hair.
-Don't have a "large" penis.
-Are short or tall (e.g. you aren't between 5'10" and 6'5")
-Lack confidence when talking to particularly attractive women.
-Lack an interesting personality and/or good sense of humor.
If any of the above describe you, chances are good that at some point in time you were humiliated by a woman or faced the fear of potential humiliation when dealing with a woman. This is especially likely if you went after women that were "out of your league," but it's probably even more harsh if it happened by a woman that was "in your league."
There's a lot of emphasis placed on society's standards held towards women and how they are judged based upon how attractive they are. Now this is a bit wrong in many cases but when it comes to dating and relationships, I feel men are often ill-prepared to face these situations without inevitably feeling humiliated at some point in time. At the very least, women being expected to be pretty make them accustomed to knowing how to make themselves as attractive as possible in terms of clothing, physical appearance, makeup, hair, etc. I think this is a big load in BS in things like the business world but it definitely gives them a leg up when it comes to dating.
Now men shouldn't let themselves go or walk around looking like crap, un-bathed, unshaven, and with a bad haircut, but when you go beyond what you can control, you hit the factors that you can't control. Your natural body shape, height, water retention (puffy vs wiry), facial features, hair or lack of, penis size, etc. were pretty much determined through your genes. Since much of dating is superficial at the start (aka if she gives you a chance or not) there's a good chance you may have insecurities about one or more of these things, especially if you have ever been shot down or broken up with because of them. Sexual endurance is another ball game to contend with. In most cases if someone doesn't cum (not including orgasm denial) it's usually the woman. Fetishes are yet another factor to contend with.
Together these things lead to the different ways men can be humiliated, some of which may be of a humiliation fetish while others might not.
General inadequacy
Being shot down before given a chance. This is the "nice try" or "not a chance" type response when approaching a woman. Now it may be because she has a lover but in many cases it's simply because she doesn't like what she sees and knows she can do better. You don't do it for her and never will. You're too short/tall, too skinny/fat, too ugly, etc. If this happens enough you start to feel those things about you must be true.
This can also apply to situations (usually fairly early in a relationship) where you get dumped for no apparent reason. Basically, she thinks she can do better than you. File under: it's not you, it's me.
Sexual inadequacy
This can fall under three primary categories: lack of ability, lack of endurance, or lack of size.
This can be a particularly strong fear for men, especially for ones that remain a virgin long after "most " of their peers. In all honesty, most women won't break up with a man she is emotionally compatible with and in love with for any of the reasons above, but that fear and his male ego usually remain. While this might remain a small insecurity, the real insecurity happens BEFORE you know if you are emotionally compatible or in love.
Does every man suffer from this? No. Do many? Probably. The less sexual experience you have, the smaller the penis you have, the shorter sexual endurance you have, the more likely you are to have a fear of this.
Even if you rank poorly sexually you can still improve and be able to easily please your lover by mastering the art of cunnilingus, but she will still be able to hold that over you. Even if you are able to please her in bed regularly, she can probably still find some way of bringing your insecurities to the surface if she wanted to. Being with a woman who's ex had an 11" dick is sort of like having your band being blown off the stage by the opening act. You still might rock but it will continue to nag at you no matter what anyone says.
Fetish humiliation
I think every guy with a fetish out there has probably been faced with this fear. You have a particular fetish but are terrified to share it for fear that she will be disgusted or repulsed by it and she might break up with you, tell everyone she knows, etc.
The scale of this one varies based upon the fetish, how strong it is, how common it is, etc. If you like being tied up this probably bugs you less than if you want to be shit on... unless you can only get hard if you are tied up. Being afraid of being humiliated by sharing your humiliation fetish is definitely ironic.
So these are the fears... but what about the people with a fetish for humiliation? This gets rather complicated if it's something you've never thought about before.
Men will either have a fetish for being humiliated on a micro or macro level. In the micro level, men will prefer to be humiliated by or in front of:
One woman that they know (usually their lover or a woman that they desire).
One man that they know.
Several women that they know.
Several men that they know.
A group of women and men that they know.
On the macro level we have being humiliated by or in front of:
Several women that are strangers.
Several men that are strangers.
A group of men and women that are strangers.
The micro level carries a lot greater weight than the macro level. When humiliated in your microcosm, you must live within that microcosm post-humiliation. On the macro level, these are people you will probably never see, nor have to deal with ever again.
Going even further there's many types of humiliating reactions men may get turned on by.
-Laughter in a cruel insulting way.
-Laughter in an amused way.
-Shocked in a disgusted way.
-Shocked in a surprised way.
-Plain disgust.
-A smirk in a "knowing" or insulting way.
-A smirk in an amused way.
There are also great differences in how any of these reactions will be delivered to the man.
-In your face. She gets close and directs the reaction to him, wanting to see his reaction.
-From a distance. Think of the "whisper, point, giggle" fantasy here.
-In between. She reacts to him but stays far enough away where she doesn't want to actually interact with him. IMO, in between is probably the harshest of the three.
As you can probably tell, I sort of ran out of gas for this post about halfway through heh. I may try to elaborate on some of this if people have any questions/comments on particular subjects.
If you are a single male and you:
-Aren't extremely handsome/attractive
-Don't have a "good" physical build.
-Don't have a "good" head of hair.
-Don't have a "large" penis.
-Are short or tall (e.g. you aren't between 5'10" and 6'5")
-Lack confidence when talking to particularly attractive women.
-Lack an interesting personality and/or good sense of humor.
If any of the above describe you, chances are good that at some point in time you were humiliated by a woman or faced the fear of potential humiliation when dealing with a woman. This is especially likely if you went after women that were "out of your league," but it's probably even more harsh if it happened by a woman that was "in your league."
There's a lot of emphasis placed on society's standards held towards women and how they are judged based upon how attractive they are. Now this is a bit wrong in many cases but when it comes to dating and relationships, I feel men are often ill-prepared to face these situations without inevitably feeling humiliated at some point in time. At the very least, women being expected to be pretty make them accustomed to knowing how to make themselves as attractive as possible in terms of clothing, physical appearance, makeup, hair, etc. I think this is a big load in BS in things like the business world but it definitely gives them a leg up when it comes to dating.
Now men shouldn't let themselves go or walk around looking like crap, un-bathed, unshaven, and with a bad haircut, but when you go beyond what you can control, you hit the factors that you can't control. Your natural body shape, height, water retention (puffy vs wiry), facial features, hair or lack of, penis size, etc. were pretty much determined through your genes. Since much of dating is superficial at the start (aka if she gives you a chance or not) there's a good chance you may have insecurities about one or more of these things, especially if you have ever been shot down or broken up with because of them. Sexual endurance is another ball game to contend with. In most cases if someone doesn't cum (not including orgasm denial) it's usually the woman. Fetishes are yet another factor to contend with.
Together these things lead to the different ways men can be humiliated, some of which may be of a humiliation fetish while others might not.
General inadequacy
Being shot down before given a chance. This is the "nice try" or "not a chance" type response when approaching a woman. Now it may be because she has a lover but in many cases it's simply because she doesn't like what she sees and knows she can do better. You don't do it for her and never will. You're too short/tall, too skinny/fat, too ugly, etc. If this happens enough you start to feel those things about you must be true.
This can also apply to situations (usually fairly early in a relationship) where you get dumped for no apparent reason. Basically, she thinks she can do better than you. File under: it's not you, it's me.
Sexual inadequacy
This can fall under three primary categories: lack of ability, lack of endurance, or lack of size.
This can be a particularly strong fear for men, especially for ones that remain a virgin long after "most " of their peers. In all honesty, most women won't break up with a man she is emotionally compatible with and in love with for any of the reasons above, but that fear and his male ego usually remain. While this might remain a small insecurity, the real insecurity happens BEFORE you know if you are emotionally compatible or in love.
Does every man suffer from this? No. Do many? Probably. The less sexual experience you have, the smaller the penis you have, the shorter sexual endurance you have, the more likely you are to have a fear of this.
Even if you rank poorly sexually you can still improve and be able to easily please your lover by mastering the art of cunnilingus, but she will still be able to hold that over you. Even if you are able to please her in bed regularly, she can probably still find some way of bringing your insecurities to the surface if she wanted to. Being with a woman who's ex had an 11" dick is sort of like having your band being blown off the stage by the opening act. You still might rock but it will continue to nag at you no matter what anyone says.
Fetish humiliation
I think every guy with a fetish out there has probably been faced with this fear. You have a particular fetish but are terrified to share it for fear that she will be disgusted or repulsed by it and she might break up with you, tell everyone she knows, etc.
The scale of this one varies based upon the fetish, how strong it is, how common it is, etc. If you like being tied up this probably bugs you less than if you want to be shit on... unless you can only get hard if you are tied up. Being afraid of being humiliated by sharing your humiliation fetish is definitely ironic.
So these are the fears... but what about the people with a fetish for humiliation? This gets rather complicated if it's something you've never thought about before.
Men will either have a fetish for being humiliated on a micro or macro level. In the micro level, men will prefer to be humiliated by or in front of:
One woman that they know (usually their lover or a woman that they desire).
One man that they know.
Several women that they know.
Several men that they know.
A group of women and men that they know.
On the macro level we have being humiliated by or in front of:
Several women that are strangers.
Several men that are strangers.
A group of men and women that are strangers.
The micro level carries a lot greater weight than the macro level. When humiliated in your microcosm, you must live within that microcosm post-humiliation. On the macro level, these are people you will probably never see, nor have to deal with ever again.
Going even further there's many types of humiliating reactions men may get turned on by.
-Laughter in a cruel insulting way.
-Laughter in an amused way.
-Shocked in a disgusted way.
-Shocked in a surprised way.
-Plain disgust.
-A smirk in a "knowing" or insulting way.
-A smirk in an amused way.
There are also great differences in how any of these reactions will be delivered to the man.
-In your face. She gets close and directs the reaction to him, wanting to see his reaction.
-From a distance. Think of the "whisper, point, giggle" fantasy here.
-In between. She reacts to him but stays far enough away where she doesn't want to actually interact with him. IMO, in between is probably the harshest of the three.
As you can probably tell, I sort of ran out of gas for this post about halfway through heh. I may try to elaborate on some of this if people have any questions/comments on particular subjects.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
his/Hers
Well, this drawing sort of turned out like shit but I figured I'd post it anyways. The drawing felt uninspired but the idea behind the drawing is something I had a dream about a long time ago.
I'm not sure your feelings on the idea of the his/Hers types of matching stuff. Sometimes you'll see towels/robes set up in that way, other times you'll find some outfits designed to match except be tailored to each gender. In other cases you'll find the mother/daughter "mini-me" type matching outfits as well.
Why not a his/Hers sissy/Mistress outfits?
I'm not sure your feelings on the idea of the his/Hers types of matching stuff. Sometimes you'll see towels/robes set up in that way, other times you'll find some outfits designed to match except be tailored to each gender. In other cases you'll find the mother/daughter "mini-me" type matching outfits as well.
Why not a his/Hers sissy/Mistress outfits?
I've always wondered...
If people wanted to me to share more about myself on a personal level. I'm fairly certain there are those who would prefer if I graphically recounted play experiences, and I'm guessing there are others that would prefer me writing and exploring different topics on an analytical level.
I get a handful of comments and feedback (all of which I am grateful for) but not enough to really know what to write sometimes. Maybe it's best during those times that I just draw hehe.
I get a handful of comments and feedback (all of which I am grateful for) but not enough to really know what to write sometimes. Maybe it's best during those times that I just draw hehe.
Quite a change...
since yesterday as the weather dipped to 5-10 degrees today with overnight lows approaching -20 and a high of tomorrow estimated to be between 0 and 5. Kind of a letdown after Wednesday.
At least when it gets this cold every place you might go is less busy...
At least when it gets this cold every place you might go is less busy...
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Today
Tonight I'm feeling a bit lonely. I had a really long day and almost got into several car accidents when people changed lanes without looking and nearly side-swiped me. I'm not really sure but there were a lot of up and down adrenaline rushes/crashes following a night where I didn't sleep very well.
I stopped by a lot of stores today and while it was "warm" by our standards reaching the mid-20's, when following days of snow and temperatures in the teens or below something strange always happens on these days (and I don't just mean extra long lines at the car wash). Women that are out and about tend to dress particularly well during these times. It's like, when it's super cold they bundle up to the gills and don't worry about fashion and when it's "super warm" (e.g. 30's) they tend to wear laundry day clothes since it's sloppy as hell outside. It's these days where it's warmer than it has been but still decently cold that things tend to spice up a bit.
The shapeless nylon parkas go away and the stylish yet practical ensembles make their way out of the closet once again. Huge over-sized ski gloves and mittens are replaced with leather, wool, and cashmere gloves, and everything gets a little stream-lined, although prime for my strongest fetish, that being women in fur and leather apparel, boots, gloves, and certain styles of hats (these pre-date all of my submissive tendencies).
I wrote about this in some of my earliest posts (in the first 10 or 20 entries or so) on my blog. My sissy fetish is all about the forced part of forced fem and humiliation. I don't wish to ever pass for feminine, nor could I with my muscular build. I am jealous at how women's clothing differs from men's clothing.
To put it bluntly, I'm attracted to nearly every part of a woman. While eyes and mouth tend to be what makes me truly drawn in (in a superficial sense), I love breasts and curves. I love hair that accents the overall shape of the figure. I love some more interesting facial characteristics like a slightly turned up nose or some imperfect teeth and small moles. I can't help but (peripherally) stare at shapely hips, thighs, and ass. I love the proportional differences between men and women, shortened torso, longer legs, shorter arms, and (proportionately) longer necks.
How does this apply to being jealous of how clothing differs? Well, women's clothing does two things that men's clothing doesn't do. First, women's clothing is meant to tease the eyes. It lures you. A low cut blouse and you can't help but peak at the breasts. Leggings and tights (or any tight fitting pants) have your eyes tracing upwards. Tunic length tops (with leggings) keep you wanting to see more. Skirts are so inviting. Stretch tops show off the curves of the breast and back. Even though I was really busy with errands today I noticed at least six women wearing stretch pants, knee high boots, and belted hip length coats. They would walk in with a pair of leather gloves in hand and sunglasses on. On days like these they know they look good and they know people notice it.
The second part is comfort. Form and function become one in women's clothing designed for winter. Men have a cotton shirt with a semi-rigid collar. Women have a form fitting cashmere sweater that caresses the body with every movement, retains warmth without over-heating, and makes the breasts "pop." Assuming you shop stores that are a cut above what you would find at an average mall (or utilize discount retailers like TJ Maxx), women's outerwear is almost always geared towards style, comfort, and warmth. With men's clothing it's notable for its lack of style, lack of comfort, and just the warmth. The luxury fabrics turn up more commonly for women and usually at a better price than similar items for men (if they are even available) and in a manner that is meant to compliment various outfits via different colors. What's key here is this: men aren't supposed to enjoy wearing it, they're just supposed to wear it and look either practical or established/sophisticated or scenester/hipster, or whatever.
My love of the touch of fur (with a lot of outside help) pretty much made me the sissy I am today. Aside from trapper hats (which have become trendy with women in the past two years) and hood trim, fur has pretty much vanished from men's apparel. Match that with the political climate towards fur coming up through the late 80's and the 90's and a material that had been used for warmth for thousands of years pretty much vanished for men.
Even with the invention of synthetic fibers, fur (including sheepskin/shearling/etc.) is still as warm if not warmer (with less perspiration). Even if a synthetic could be as warm, there's something missing... and that is the touch. Natural fur just feels really good on the skin. So in our post-thinsulate and abundant faux era, there's still a reason that earmuffs are made out of fur, sheepskin, etc. and that's because it feels good and it's incredibly warm. With that in mind, while earmuffs were invented by a man with the intention of them being unisex, the only male earmuffs (that aren't feminine and passed off as unisex) are those fleece behind the head style, which are neither as warm nor pleasing to the touch.
Now I am of the type that really doesn't bundle up much in winter. I rarely zip up my coat. I wear thin leather gloves. I never wear hats, scarves, or boots. I don't layer at all, nor wear any flannel or fleece. I find many of those materials, especially acrylic, to be more irritating than anything else. I over-heat and then sweat and then get colder and the material tends to rub in a bad way, making my head and neck itch. Now if I wanted to dress for warmth and comfort, my options are extremely limited without going en femme.
This is kind of how things got started. I got my first Mistress a merino wool cloche hat with a fur cuff trim that went over the ears, some merino wool gloves with fur cuffs at the wrist, and a fur scarf as a gift. She absolutely loved them. While modern fashion has dictated that fur trims are meant for style, they were in fact invented to help retain body heat at the points where the warm clothes end. It was during a discussion similar to what I am writing now that she originally wanted me to be comfortable with wearing fur and she wanted me to enjoy it as she had learned to on that fateful day when she made me wear the things I got her. I resisted but she "insisted" (giving me a couple of checks in the punishment log) and soon I was wearing them and she teased my face and chest with the ends of the scarf. After several minutes she realized I wasn't saying anything. My face was red, my eyes were pointed at the floor, my lip was twitching and I had a huge erection. I couldn't speak, I could only nod or shake my head. Fur became part of her power and she soon abandoned the idea of making me comfortable with it and began to exploit my discomfort.
It was later that week when the conversation from my May 4th post took place and she ended up buying it even after that conversation.
I don't really know where I'm going with this post, nor did I know when I started. I just feel pretty lonely tonight (Mistress is working an overnight) and I don't have anyone to talk to or be affectionate with.
All I know is that I am grateful for today's weather since there were many women about in sexy boots, fur-trimmed coats and hats, and an abundance of nice sweaters and shapely form-fitting pants while indoors.
I stopped by a lot of stores today and while it was "warm" by our standards reaching the mid-20's, when following days of snow and temperatures in the teens or below something strange always happens on these days (and I don't just mean extra long lines at the car wash). Women that are out and about tend to dress particularly well during these times. It's like, when it's super cold they bundle up to the gills and don't worry about fashion and when it's "super warm" (e.g. 30's) they tend to wear laundry day clothes since it's sloppy as hell outside. It's these days where it's warmer than it has been but still decently cold that things tend to spice up a bit.
The shapeless nylon parkas go away and the stylish yet practical ensembles make their way out of the closet once again. Huge over-sized ski gloves and mittens are replaced with leather, wool, and cashmere gloves, and everything gets a little stream-lined, although prime for my strongest fetish, that being women in fur and leather apparel, boots, gloves, and certain styles of hats (these pre-date all of my submissive tendencies).
I wrote about this in some of my earliest posts (in the first 10 or 20 entries or so) on my blog. My sissy fetish is all about the forced part of forced fem and humiliation. I don't wish to ever pass for feminine, nor could I with my muscular build. I am jealous at how women's clothing differs from men's clothing.
To put it bluntly, I'm attracted to nearly every part of a woman. While eyes and mouth tend to be what makes me truly drawn in (in a superficial sense), I love breasts and curves. I love hair that accents the overall shape of the figure. I love some more interesting facial characteristics like a slightly turned up nose or some imperfect teeth and small moles. I can't help but (peripherally) stare at shapely hips, thighs, and ass. I love the proportional differences between men and women, shortened torso, longer legs, shorter arms, and (proportionately) longer necks.
How does this apply to being jealous of how clothing differs? Well, women's clothing does two things that men's clothing doesn't do. First, women's clothing is meant to tease the eyes. It lures you. A low cut blouse and you can't help but peak at the breasts. Leggings and tights (or any tight fitting pants) have your eyes tracing upwards. Tunic length tops (with leggings) keep you wanting to see more. Skirts are so inviting. Stretch tops show off the curves of the breast and back. Even though I was really busy with errands today I noticed at least six women wearing stretch pants, knee high boots, and belted hip length coats. They would walk in with a pair of leather gloves in hand and sunglasses on. On days like these they know they look good and they know people notice it.
The second part is comfort. Form and function become one in women's clothing designed for winter. Men have a cotton shirt with a semi-rigid collar. Women have a form fitting cashmere sweater that caresses the body with every movement, retains warmth without over-heating, and makes the breasts "pop." Assuming you shop stores that are a cut above what you would find at an average mall (or utilize discount retailers like TJ Maxx), women's outerwear is almost always geared towards style, comfort, and warmth. With men's clothing it's notable for its lack of style, lack of comfort, and just the warmth. The luxury fabrics turn up more commonly for women and usually at a better price than similar items for men (if they are even available) and in a manner that is meant to compliment various outfits via different colors. What's key here is this: men aren't supposed to enjoy wearing it, they're just supposed to wear it and look either practical or established/sophisticated or scenester/hipster, or whatever.
My love of the touch of fur (with a lot of outside help) pretty much made me the sissy I am today. Aside from trapper hats (which have become trendy with women in the past two years) and hood trim, fur has pretty much vanished from men's apparel. Match that with the political climate towards fur coming up through the late 80's and the 90's and a material that had been used for warmth for thousands of years pretty much vanished for men.
Even with the invention of synthetic fibers, fur (including sheepskin/shearling/etc.) is still as warm if not warmer (with less perspiration). Even if a synthetic could be as warm, there's something missing... and that is the touch. Natural fur just feels really good on the skin. So in our post-thinsulate and abundant faux era, there's still a reason that earmuffs are made out of fur, sheepskin, etc. and that's because it feels good and it's incredibly warm. With that in mind, while earmuffs were invented by a man with the intention of them being unisex, the only male earmuffs (that aren't feminine and passed off as unisex) are those fleece behind the head style, which are neither as warm nor pleasing to the touch.
Now I am of the type that really doesn't bundle up much in winter. I rarely zip up my coat. I wear thin leather gloves. I never wear hats, scarves, or boots. I don't layer at all, nor wear any flannel or fleece. I find many of those materials, especially acrylic, to be more irritating than anything else. I over-heat and then sweat and then get colder and the material tends to rub in a bad way, making my head and neck itch. Now if I wanted to dress for warmth and comfort, my options are extremely limited without going en femme.
This is kind of how things got started. I got my first Mistress a merino wool cloche hat with a fur cuff trim that went over the ears, some merino wool gloves with fur cuffs at the wrist, and a fur scarf as a gift. She absolutely loved them. While modern fashion has dictated that fur trims are meant for style, they were in fact invented to help retain body heat at the points where the warm clothes end. It was during a discussion similar to what I am writing now that she originally wanted me to be comfortable with wearing fur and she wanted me to enjoy it as she had learned to on that fateful day when she made me wear the things I got her. I resisted but she "insisted" (giving me a couple of checks in the punishment log) and soon I was wearing them and she teased my face and chest with the ends of the scarf. After several minutes she realized I wasn't saying anything. My face was red, my eyes were pointed at the floor, my lip was twitching and I had a huge erection. I couldn't speak, I could only nod or shake my head. Fur became part of her power and she soon abandoned the idea of making me comfortable with it and began to exploit my discomfort.
It was later that week when the conversation from my May 4th post took place and she ended up buying it even after that conversation.
I don't really know where I'm going with this post, nor did I know when I started. I just feel pretty lonely tonight (Mistress is working an overnight) and I don't have anyone to talk to or be affectionate with.
All I know is that I am grateful for today's weather since there were many women about in sexy boots, fur-trimmed coats and hats, and an abundance of nice sweaters and shapely form-fitting pants while indoors.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I finally got my first message
on the chatbox that I added to my blog but unfortunately I was away helping to make dinner and by the time I got back the person wasn't there any longer.
I regret closing the window before starting this reply because I remember the basics from the question but not all of the details. If you were the one to leave the message, please leave a comment here and I can try to address the specifics more directly.
Basically, if memory serves me, the writer was a sub in a long-standing marriage with some Femdom tones that was wanting his wife to have him wear a bra and panties and his request was denied and he was looking for advice on how to convince her of the idea. (also I think there was a mention of chastity but I don't remember the specifics.)
I have written about this topic several times in the past but I will try to reiterate some of the more important points. What you need to "sell" her on is how will it benefit her. Basically, by forcing you to dress in a bra and panties, what does that add to her life, your relationship, and so on? Will her life be better because of it or is it just something you want to do? Will it justify its cost?
You need to be able to answer these questions and be willing to make extra sacrifices to make it happen (assuming it is truly important to you). You can try tackling them one by one.
Some examples:
"When you have me wear a bra and panties, it makes me feel more submissive and more loving. I also feel more obedient and would be willing to do to prove that to you."
"I would be willing to give up in order to justify its costs and more than make up for it by ."
"It is something that touches my submissive soul deeply and I think I would be able to make you happier because."
If you can't answer these questions you might have to just accept that it probably won't happen, beg and plead and hope it does something, or hopefully win a bet of some sort where that can be the reward.
The other compromise (after finding ways it will improve her life) is to seek a trial basis of it. See if she notices a difference over two weeks and let her decide after that. Unfortunately, if she's adamant about it you might be out of luck.
Here are some links to posts that I have made that have dealt with similar subjects:
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/appeal-of-femdom-relationship-whats-in.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/05/thoughts-on-vanilla-to-ds-conversion.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/03/good-things-about-being-dominant-woman.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/dominance-vs-confidence-unlocking.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/appeal-of-femdom-relationship-whats-in.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/p/tips-on-courting-domme.html
Unfortunately there's no sure-fire way to sell it to her. The best you can do is to come up with a compelling argument and hope that she will be willing to either buy into it or at least entertain it on a trial basis.
I regret closing the window before starting this reply because I remember the basics from the question but not all of the details. If you were the one to leave the message, please leave a comment here and I can try to address the specifics more directly.
Basically, if memory serves me, the writer was a sub in a long-standing marriage with some Femdom tones that was wanting his wife to have him wear a bra and panties and his request was denied and he was looking for advice on how to convince her of the idea. (also I think there was a mention of chastity but I don't remember the specifics.)
I have written about this topic several times in the past but I will try to reiterate some of the more important points. What you need to "sell" her on is how will it benefit her. Basically, by forcing you to dress in a bra and panties, what does that add to her life, your relationship, and so on? Will her life be better because of it or is it just something you want to do? Will it justify its cost?
You need to be able to answer these questions and be willing to make extra sacrifices to make it happen (assuming it is truly important to you). You can try tackling them one by one.
Some examples:
"When you have me wear a bra and panties, it makes me feel more submissive and more loving. I also feel more obedient and would be willing to do
"I would be willing to give up
"It is something that touches my submissive soul deeply and I think I would be able to make you happier because
If you can't answer these questions you might have to just accept that it probably won't happen, beg and plead and hope it does something, or hopefully win a bet of some sort where that can be the reward.
The other compromise (after finding ways it will improve her life) is to seek a trial basis of it. See if she notices a difference over two weeks and let her decide after that. Unfortunately, if she's adamant about it you might be out of luck.
Here are some links to posts that I have made that have dealt with similar subjects:
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/appeal-of-femdom-relationship-whats-in.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/05/thoughts-on-vanilla-to-ds-conversion.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/03/good-things-about-being-dominant-woman.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/dominance-vs-confidence-unlocking.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/appeal-of-femdom-relationship-whats-in.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/p/tips-on-courting-domme.html
Unfortunately there's no sure-fire way to sell it to her. The best you can do is to come up with a compelling argument and hope that she will be willing to either buy into it or at least entertain it on a trial basis.
Thoughts on submissive/sissy names and the pronoun game
I've served several women over the years, most of which have sissified me to some extent and the ones I was with for longer than a month always developed some sort of nickname for me.
I've been called pet, slave, my first initial, slut, sissy, etc. but I've never been given a girl's name. The idea of being given a girl's name doesn't really do it for me although I know that's a common thing to do with Domme's that feminize their subs. I'm not sure why it has no effect on me, maybe it's that I'm not feminine in the slightest or that I have no aspirations towards womanhood. I also don't really know if being given one would do it for me, but only since I don't really care to have one.
That being said, when my Mistresses no longer called me by my name, it DOES do it for me. A little bit of thinking on the subject and I started to analyze what types of nicknames did it for me and which ones didn't.
What I noticed was that my submissive instincts (aka a hard on) usually stems from nicknames that either reflect status inequalities, depersonalize, or are insulting. When being called "pet," it's not like saying "my pet," which would have a name, but more stating that I am in fact on the level of a pet. From my experiences, when demeaning/insulting nicknames, a single name is rarely used exclusively. e.g. If she calls me slut, she will most likely call me whore, bitch, sissy, etc. and use any of them at any time interchangeably (or a combination like sissy bitch, slut whore, and so on).
Pronouns tend to be a bit different, except almost all of them affect me if they are used when I am present and being spoken about as if I'm not even there. In this context I can see being referred to as "she" doing it for me. That being said, being called "it" or "the slave" or "the slut" would have a similar effect. Hell, even addressing me as "you there" or "boy" etc. tend to do it when the mood is right.
I guess all of it would probably have to come down to the context.
I guess I'm curious as to why Dommes give their feminized subs girl's names, if it's to give them an association with being feminine or because they love it or hate it?
I've been called pet, slave, my first initial, slut, sissy, etc. but I've never been given a girl's name. The idea of being given a girl's name doesn't really do it for me although I know that's a common thing to do with Domme's that feminize their subs. I'm not sure why it has no effect on me, maybe it's that I'm not feminine in the slightest or that I have no aspirations towards womanhood. I also don't really know if being given one would do it for me, but only since I don't really care to have one.
That being said, when my Mistresses no longer called me by my name, it DOES do it for me. A little bit of thinking on the subject and I started to analyze what types of nicknames did it for me and which ones didn't.
What I noticed was that my submissive instincts (aka a hard on) usually stems from nicknames that either reflect status inequalities, depersonalize, or are insulting. When being called "pet," it's not like saying "my pet," which would have a name, but more stating that I am in fact on the level of a pet. From my experiences, when demeaning/insulting nicknames, a single name is rarely used exclusively. e.g. If she calls me slut, she will most likely call me whore, bitch, sissy, etc. and use any of them at any time interchangeably (or a combination like sissy bitch, slut whore, and so on).
Pronouns tend to be a bit different, except almost all of them affect me if they are used when I am present and being spoken about as if I'm not even there. In this context I can see being referred to as "she" doing it for me. That being said, being called "it" or "the slave" or "the slut" would have a similar effect. Hell, even addressing me as "you there" or "boy" etc. tend to do it when the mood is right.
I guess all of it would probably have to come down to the context.
I guess I'm curious as to why Dommes give their feminized subs girl's names, if it's to give them an association with being feminine or because they love it or hate it?
200 posts
It seems that earlier tonight I broke the 200 post mark. I know my web presence has been a bit sporadic but I'm grateful to all those who read my blog and everyone that I have communicated with both here and on other blogs. You all help inspire me and hopefully I'm able to contribute to some of you as well.
Keep in mind I'm always open to requests for topics to write about or answering any questions you might have.
Keep in mind I'm always open to requests for topics to write about or answering any questions you might have.
Another drawing inspired by MsMarie
MsMarie's recent post "Natural Habitat - Snow Plowed" got my head spinning in a good way and I used a few pics from her blog as models for this one.
If I gave my drawings titles, this one would probably be called something like "Traversing the natural habitat in style." Unfortunately with my current level of abilities I just couldn't get the whipping arm to look right...
(MsMarie, I know I borrowed you and your husband as models without permission, if you want me to take this down please let me know)
If I gave my drawings titles, this one would probably be called something like "Traversing the natural habitat in style." Unfortunately with my current level of abilities I just couldn't get the whipping arm to look right...
(MsMarie, I know I borrowed you and your husband as models without permission, if you want me to take this down please let me know)
Monday, January 17, 2011
I stumbled across this picture a while back
I stumbled across this picture a while back and just saw it again today for the first time in over a year. I can understand completely the body language and posture. It's a display of shame and humiliation. It got me thinking a bit about the subject. In all likeliness he has some sort of fur fetish that brings him great guilt and shame, he likely has a fetish for forced feminization that also brings him guilt and shame, and he probably has a thing for humiliation, which is why he was willing to be photographed in the first place.
For some reason tonight I started thinking about how conditional his fetishes probably are. Tear him away from the security of a private home and force him into a situation well outside of his comfort zone and all of that desire would probably fade away. Drive him to the mall to parade him around and he'll probably beg and cry and refuse to leave the car unless threatened with something much worse. Turn your back on him for an instant and he'll have the fur hidden away as best he can and probably try to use the coat to cover his skirt and legs. The mental anguish would be off the charts. Start counting to five. Tell him if you reach five you'll have him welded inside a steel chastity belt. Assure him that it's not an empty threat. Feel your lips mouth "fiii" and watch him snap to attention.
What a terrible experience that would be. A terrible experience that lingers as a fantasy in my twisted mind.
Life as it is
Well, it's been several months since our last serious D/s interactions. Things are going quite well and we haven't been fighting much over the past couple of months. I am okay with this but I think it's also why I've been doing so much with my blog the past couple of weeks. My D/s needs aren't being met in life so I'm finding a way to feed them here. It makes it hard sometimes.
Catering to a Domme's nature
Some recent comments by Lady Grey got me thinking a bit about Dommes and something came to mind that I thought was worthy of its own post. My apologies in advance if this basically comes off as the same thing as something else I wrote months ago. With the ups and downs that I've been through this past year it seems like a distant memory.
A lot of responsibility is put on the Domme to keep the kink rolling in a D/s relationship. I'm sure this can be frustrating at times for both parties. A lot about D/s dating/courting/relationships revolves around sub "fit," which is basically how compatible a Domme and sub are on a kink level.
When it comes to deeper types of submission I think a lot of the specifics can be ignored as the basic needs are more like themes and the right type of Domme will fill those needs regardless of what the specifics are.
I think every Domme has two primary parts to their D/s nature:
A. The part of the Domme that enjoys being dominant. This is the part of the Domme that gets off on doing things to a sub.
B. The part of the Domme that enjoys having a submissive. This is the part of the Domme that gets off on having a sub do things for her.
The type A part of a Domme probably most enjoys spanking/beating, mind fucking, bondage, tease & denial, limiting privileges, etc. Basically, she gets off on themes of power and control and wielding it over someone else.
The type B part of a Domme probably most enjoys being waited on hand & foot, receiving sexual pleasure, avoiding tedious chores/busywork, etc. In these cases she gets off on themes of being cherished and pampered. To simplify it even more, she goes for the displays of love and devotion in each action.
I do know that many of these activities could be classified as both, but I'm mainly getting at what part of each activity pleases her most. "Turn your Woman into a Femdom" advice/writings generally cater to type B.
Every Domme has at least some of each type but how they balance within a Domme differs greatly from person to person. In most D/s relationships (working from the distribution of intensities I wrote about in http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2011/01/styles-and-intensities-of-femdom.html), I would wager there is usually a 40A-60B split or greater in favor of B in most Dommes. I think a lot of that probably stems from the guilt factor that many Dommes have about what they do to and with subs, but mostly from the fact that there just aren't as many women that get aroused by being cruel to someone else. Because of this I think you'll find quite a few women who go as far as 10A-90B but VERY FEW women that would be 90A-10B.
If you are a Domme and aren't sure which type you lean towards, picture a naked sub prostrated at your feet and consider the following lines:
1. "I suffer for you because it pleases you. That makes me happy."
2. "I would do anything for you to please you. That makes me happy."
If you prefer 1, you probably lean to type A. If you prefer 2, you probably lean to type B.
I also realize a Domme may change her distributions over time, so when I make these statements, I mean them over the course of a year or so and they may shift from year to year.
Subs have a similar sort of personality mix:
a. The part of the sub that enjoys doing things for a Domme.
b. The part of a sub that enjoys having things done to him by a Domme.
A/b and B/a probably make up the best couples in the long run, but unfortunately, I would wager that there are more type a subs than type b subs. If there are truly more type B Dommes than type A Dommes, that means the largest group of subs has the smallest group of Dommes and vice versa.
In my opinion, it's best off for a sub seeking a Domme to be well-balanced (if not leaning heavily to type a).
A lot of responsibility is put on the Domme to keep the kink rolling in a D/s relationship. I'm sure this can be frustrating at times for both parties. A lot about D/s dating/courting/relationships revolves around sub "fit," which is basically how compatible a Domme and sub are on a kink level.
When it comes to deeper types of submission I think a lot of the specifics can be ignored as the basic needs are more like themes and the right type of Domme will fill those needs regardless of what the specifics are.
I think every Domme has two primary parts to their D/s nature:
A. The part of the Domme that enjoys being dominant. This is the part of the Domme that gets off on doing things to a sub.
B. The part of the Domme that enjoys having a submissive. This is the part of the Domme that gets off on having a sub do things for her.
The type A part of a Domme probably most enjoys spanking/beating, mind fucking, bondage, tease & denial, limiting privileges, etc. Basically, she gets off on themes of power and control and wielding it over someone else.
The type B part of a Domme probably most enjoys being waited on hand & foot, receiving sexual pleasure, avoiding tedious chores/busywork, etc. In these cases she gets off on themes of being cherished and pampered. To simplify it even more, she goes for the displays of love and devotion in each action.
I do know that many of these activities could be classified as both, but I'm mainly getting at what part of each activity pleases her most. "Turn your Woman into a Femdom" advice/writings generally cater to type B.
Every Domme has at least some of each type but how they balance within a Domme differs greatly from person to person. In most D/s relationships (working from the distribution of intensities I wrote about in http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2011/01/styles-and-intensities-of-femdom.html), I would wager there is usually a 40A-60B split or greater in favor of B in most Dommes. I think a lot of that probably stems from the guilt factor that many Dommes have about what they do to and with subs, but mostly from the fact that there just aren't as many women that get aroused by being cruel to someone else. Because of this I think you'll find quite a few women who go as far as 10A-90B but VERY FEW women that would be 90A-10B.
If you are a Domme and aren't sure which type you lean towards, picture a naked sub prostrated at your feet and consider the following lines:
1. "I suffer for you because it pleases you. That makes me happy."
2. "I would do anything for you to please you. That makes me happy."
If you prefer 1, you probably lean to type A. If you prefer 2, you probably lean to type B.
I also realize a Domme may change her distributions over time, so when I make these statements, I mean them over the course of a year or so and they may shift from year to year.
Subs have a similar sort of personality mix:
a. The part of the sub that enjoys doing things for a Domme.
b. The part of a sub that enjoys having things done to him by a Domme.
A/b and B/a probably make up the best couples in the long run, but unfortunately, I would wager that there are more type a subs than type b subs. If there are truly more type B Dommes than type A Dommes, that means the largest group of subs has the smallest group of Dommes and vice versa.
In my opinion, it's best off for a sub seeking a Domme to be well-balanced (if not leaning heavily to type a).
More shading practice
I really love drawing. I'm not very good at it but it really makes me feel alive. I get a bit frustrated sometimes since improvements happen very very very slowly. I was never able to take any art/drawing classes in high school or college. My parents expected me to be perfect and get a scholarship since they said I was "gifted." In turn, I avoided classes that posed a risk to my GPA, e.g. Art, auto mechanics, wood shop, creative writing (writing was a huge weakness of mine back then), etc. Lots of things I wanted to do for pleasure or for practical knowledge I just had to skip over. I managed to finish high school with a 4.0 but I really regret not just saying fuck it and doing what I wanted to. In college the engineering grad programs I was looking at had pretty high GPA requirements and I had no room for any type of elective credits. By the time I changed majors and decided not to go to grad school I got stuck taking all required classes until I graduated. If I could do it all over again I'd make a much larger effort to make drawing/painting a much larger part of my life.
The model for this drawing was from a picture at www.mrmockle.com
He's been around for years and if you have a thing for women in fur, you are probably aware of his site.
Also, the last few drawings I have done were using vector clip art for the eyes and mouth. I drew these ones by hand and I think they're a huge step up from my earlier drawings. I still suck at mouths and noses though :P
(I was going to draw a sub in the cage but I think it would have probably turned out poorly no matter how much time I spent on it).
The model for this drawing was from a picture at www.mrmockle.com
He's been around for years and if you have a thing for women in fur, you are probably aware of his site.
Also, the last few drawings I have done were using vector clip art for the eyes and mouth. I drew these ones by hand and I think they're a huge step up from my earlier drawings. I still suck at mouths and noses though :P
(I was going to draw a sub in the cage but I think it would have probably turned out poorly no matter how much time I spent on it).
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Contract enforcement, renewal, and retraining
Queen Goddess at the blog "I am Her Maine sub" recently made a post about annual retraining with her sub. It's an interesting lifestyle post that covers some of the aspects of keeping a D/s relationship on course and ever-evolving.
As described in the blog posting there's often a bit of lull that sets in after a while where both the submissive's level of service eventually begins to wain and the Domme's enforcement of rules can also similarly lose its edge. The end result of this usually happens rather abruptly, where things decline until Domme decides drastic change must happen and tightens the reins until proper submissive behavior resumes. Other times things don't go quite as smoothly and there can be significant consequences to the relationship in the long run.
Queen Goddess's approach to rectifying this situation is every year to re-evaluate what is expected of the sub and make any changes to routines, rules, etc. Contracts are renewed and during the first month of the year the sub starts from "rock bottom" for lack of a better term, and must slowly earn back his privileges.
I think this is a very good method but it also got me thinking about my own behaviors and tendencies and where I find myself slipping up and what ways could be used to counteract those without having my behavior or my relationship deteriorate. In all honesty, it takes me roughly 6-8 weeks for strict adherence to standards begins to falter unless constant motivation is applied (usually right around the time she feels she doesn't have to tell me, I start fouling up). I feel bad and inadequate sometimes about this but I acknowledge it as my own current reality. While my service might be satisfactory after that time, satisfactory and exemplary service (what I would like to expect from myself) are definitely on different levels.
I do enjoy contracts and I don't mind having my routines/expectations laid out for me, so I thought a bit about how to integrate that into the cycle of a relationship. I also realize that the more back-end work a Domme has to do, the more of a headache being dominant can be for her, so keeping that within reason here's some ideas I was able to come up with that would probably help ease my chronic problems.
The contract would remain annual for our joint renewal, but include stipulations for quarterly reviews. Each year would be broken up in to three month stretches. Each quarter would have behavioral evaluations made and at the end of the of the quarter the Domme may make revisions to the contract/rules/regulations and sign them into effect for the next quarter (the sub still only renews yearly). At the end of the year there should be enough behavioral feedback to know what changes need to be made and with what emphasis/priority they should be given.
Each Quarter in Detail:
-A sub report card is a good way to record sub performance. These can have as many or few categories as seen fit and will be used at various times during the quarter.
A sample might include:
Behavioral Grades
-Chore duties
-Attentiveness
-Sexual performance
-Sexual control
-Attention to detail
Attitude Grades
-Politeness and respect
-Willingness to participate and serve
-Enthusiasm
-Anticipating needs
If your sub is a sissy, it might include a section for appearance with grading on clothing, makeup, hair, grooming/shaving, etc.
-The Domme will randomly select a day during the quarter (she doesn't have to tell the sub in advance) and use this as sort of a pop quiz midterm and evaluate his performance and record it to a report card. This report card may count towards half (or something slightly less than half) of his quarter grade. It's up to the Domme's discretion if she wishes to choose a good day, average day, or bad day, but on a bad day it might be a good way to blow off steam. This could be done more than once but should be done at least once.
-The final week (or few days) of the quarter will be finals week. The sub will be graded with great scrutiny each day until the end of the quarter. These grades for the week will be averaged and count for the other half of his quarter grade.
When the quarterly grades are in, the sub's strengths and weaknesses both under knowing observation and at random can be determined and quantified and appropriate revisions can be made to the contract for the next quarter.
This leaves three quarter revisions and four quarters' worth of grades. At the end of the fourth quarter the yearly grades can be determined and should be fairly representative of the sub's strengths and weaknesses for the entire year. The contract is then revised again and both parties will renew.
Quarterly and year end grades can also serve another purpose as requiring a certain GPA can be used for granting rewards or punishments and give the sub something to aspire for (or try his best to avoid).
Just some ideas...
As described in the blog posting there's often a bit of lull that sets in after a while where both the submissive's level of service eventually begins to wain and the Domme's enforcement of rules can also similarly lose its edge. The end result of this usually happens rather abruptly, where things decline until Domme decides drastic change must happen and tightens the reins until proper submissive behavior resumes. Other times things don't go quite as smoothly and there can be significant consequences to the relationship in the long run.
Queen Goddess's approach to rectifying this situation is every year to re-evaluate what is expected of the sub and make any changes to routines, rules, etc. Contracts are renewed and during the first month of the year the sub starts from "rock bottom" for lack of a better term, and must slowly earn back his privileges.
I think this is a very good method but it also got me thinking about my own behaviors and tendencies and where I find myself slipping up and what ways could be used to counteract those without having my behavior or my relationship deteriorate. In all honesty, it takes me roughly 6-8 weeks for strict adherence to standards begins to falter unless constant motivation is applied (usually right around the time she feels she doesn't have to tell me, I start fouling up). I feel bad and inadequate sometimes about this but I acknowledge it as my own current reality. While my service might be satisfactory after that time, satisfactory and exemplary service (what I would like to expect from myself) are definitely on different levels.
I do enjoy contracts and I don't mind having my routines/expectations laid out for me, so I thought a bit about how to integrate that into the cycle of a relationship. I also realize that the more back-end work a Domme has to do, the more of a headache being dominant can be for her, so keeping that within reason here's some ideas I was able to come up with that would probably help ease my chronic problems.
The contract would remain annual for our joint renewal, but include stipulations for quarterly reviews. Each year would be broken up in to three month stretches. Each quarter would have behavioral evaluations made and at the end of the of the quarter the Domme may make revisions to the contract/rules/regulations and sign them into effect for the next quarter (the sub still only renews yearly). At the end of the year there should be enough behavioral feedback to know what changes need to be made and with what emphasis/priority they should be given.
Each Quarter in Detail:
-A sub report card is a good way to record sub performance. These can have as many or few categories as seen fit and will be used at various times during the quarter.
A sample might include:
Behavioral Grades
-Chore duties
-Attentiveness
-Sexual performance
-Sexual control
-Attention to detail
Attitude Grades
-Politeness and respect
-Willingness to participate and serve
-Enthusiasm
-Anticipating needs
If your sub is a sissy, it might include a section for appearance with grading on clothing, makeup, hair, grooming/shaving, etc.
-The Domme will randomly select a day during the quarter (she doesn't have to tell the sub in advance) and use this as sort of a pop quiz midterm and evaluate his performance and record it to a report card. This report card may count towards half (or something slightly less than half) of his quarter grade. It's up to the Domme's discretion if she wishes to choose a good day, average day, or bad day, but on a bad day it might be a good way to blow off steam. This could be done more than once but should be done at least once.
-The final week (or few days) of the quarter will be finals week. The sub will be graded with great scrutiny each day until the end of the quarter. These grades for the week will be averaged and count for the other half of his quarter grade.
When the quarterly grades are in, the sub's strengths and weaknesses both under knowing observation and at random can be determined and quantified and appropriate revisions can be made to the contract for the next quarter.
This leaves three quarter revisions and four quarters' worth of grades. At the end of the fourth quarter the yearly grades can be determined and should be fairly representative of the sub's strengths and weaknesses for the entire year. The contract is then revised again and both parties will renew.
Quarterly and year end grades can also serve another purpose as requiring a certain GPA can be used for granting rewards or punishments and give the sub something to aspire for (or try his best to avoid).
Just some ideas...
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