Early exposure: The Ice Storm

I've written a few posts about how my early exposure to Femdom didn't happen through the "front door," which would be basically being turned on by BDSM, D/s, Femdom, etc.  My route began with a fetish for women in fur, which led to a few fur fetish sites in the earlier days of the internet.  For some reason a few of those same sites were heavily tied to Femdom and that made up much of my earliest exposure to the lifestyle.  NTCWeb, Sardax, and to some extent, Melody O'Hair led me down this path to having a sexual tie between fur and Femdom. 

 I used to be a huge movie fanatic.  I've since cut back significantly but I still have an enjoyment of good cinema and I have a dedicated following to a handful of writers/directors that I have grown to trust will consistently put out good movies.  Ang Lee is one of those directors.  In 1997 I rented the Ice Storm with a female friend of mine and we watched it together.  If you aren't familiar with the movie, it takes place in the early 70's in white upper middle class suburbia and centers around a couple of dysfunctional families.

In the movie, Sigourney Weaver plays the wife in one family that is having an affair with the husband of the other family (although you get the impression that this isn't her first affair and she "upgrades" to a more exciting guy as soon as her current one bores her).  During one of the scenes she returns home to find her ~12 year old son blowing up his toys with M-80 firecrackers.  After sort of chewing him out she looks for something else to hold his attention.  What first drew my attention to this scene is her coat.  I absolutely love its style (although I'm a bit iffy on the print).  The cut/shape and the fur, mixed with the fact that her character is pretty much the most sexual character in the story really got my blood pumping.

After my friend left I rewound the tape to this scene and played through it over and over again... full speed, slow motion, frame by frame, etc.  I know I jerked off several times to it. 

As she searches for something to distract him with she finds a whip out on the deck with them and you can see her response. 
It can basically be summarized in:
SW picks up whip and gazes it up and down.
SW to son:  Where did you get this?
son to SW: Uncle got it for me on his trip to .
SW starts to fiddle with the whip, tossing her hair and then playing with it in her hands.  She seems to be getting ideas and possibly a bit aroused.

SW to son:  Play with the whip.
SW hands the whip back to her son and as she tells him to play with it she's sort of pointing it at him like a command.

I returned the movie the next day and immediately went out and bought a copy of it.  It's a very good movie in its own right but at that point I rarely if ever bought movies (I owned maybe 10 or so at that time).  I pretty much kept it cued up to that scene so I could just pop it back into the player and go through that one when I wanted to masturbate. 

In hindsight I can see how this affected me as it portrayed a situation mixing fur, sex, and power.  I've always been attracted to women that were self-assured and went out and took what they wanted and this pretty much captured all of it.  I give this scene about 20% of the credit towards my developing into a submissive. 

I sort of wish I knew what Ang Lee told Sigourney Weaver about acting in that scene.  I may have to buy the Criterion Collection release and listen to the commentary to see if it can shed any insight.  I can picture it as being something like "Okay, you find the whip, you're intrigued, ask him, now imagine yourself with your lover and you want to whip him with it and this gets you off."  The other interpretation I've had of it is like "Oh shit, is this my whip from my closet?  I better ask him.  Ok good... mmm... I love whips..."

I can only imagine how different my life would have been if I didn't have a fetish for women in fur.  I kind of have a feeling I wouldn't have turned out as a submissive and even if I did turn out as a submissive I probably wouldn't have turned out as a sissy. 

Fantasy...

Something I've noticed is that my fantasies tend to gravitate between two primarily different scenarios or something that starts as one and oscillates between the two.

The two primary scenarios being:
A) a situation where the Domme is controlling and strict but at the same time very loving and cherishes her sub.
B) a situation where the Domme is overtly cruel to the sub and treats him with disdain but keeps him around because she knows that he would be difficult to replace with another sub and still receive the same level of service.

I've never quite understood why my mind tends to swing to both.  It seems like when I am feeling down, situation A gives the warm and fuzzy feelings while still meeting the criteria that cater to my submission.  I think situation B is more a response because my deepest submission and cravings generally occur in situations that are better described in that way.

I think my ideal fantasy seems to happen when both sides of the coin face up at the same time.  That is, the Domme knows deep down that she cherishes the sub and will do whatever is necessary to keep him and keep him well-behaved but the sub is kept in an off-balance state of mixed signals and emotional confusion.  He has equal fear of being cast out and her wrath, yet carries tremendous love for her at all times.  The end result is one of desperation to please her while suffering at her mercy as he gives her a piece of his soul.

The details surrounding each fantasy have changed for me over the years but it seems like the basic themes have stayed the same.  When I first entered the lifestyle forced fem was the last thing I would ever think would turn me on.  My earliest visions were of being kept in a collar and cuffs while serving a woman dressed in leather and fur.  It's strange how much my experiences and conditioning have changed the details of those fantasies.

A few weeks ago I wrote a post revisiting the lesbian fantasy that has followed me over the years. http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2011/01/revisiting-lesbian-fantasy.html

My sexual responses to this idea haven't changed over the years and it's this fantasy that often serves as the gateway in my current fantasies to shift between situations A and B.  e.g. man serves woman, they fall in love, woman adds another female lover into the mix, female lover displaces man and makes his life a living hell, woman's romantic love for man fades and cruelty increases.

I can feel things changing again lately.  Ever since I dropped my hard limit and let Mistress violate me anally that seems to be creeping into my fantasies with increasing frequency...

I guess these are just some random thoughts. 

Newest drawing... finally some progress

I'm actually a bit proud of this one.  Not really that I'm getting that much better at drawing, but more so that I'm finally showing some progress with shading and drawing eyes and lips.  I still have a ways to go on all of them but it's definitely happening more easily and with better results than I was having a few weeks ago.

How women can humiliate men

Being humiliated by a woman or in front of several women is a big fetish for many subs and is especially common amongst sissies.  However, there's so many types of humiliation, many of which hit different parts of the male psyche.

If you are a single male and you:
-Aren't extremely handsome/attractive
-Don't have a "good" physical build.
-Don't have a "good" head of hair.
-Don't have a "large" penis.
-Are short or tall (e.g. you aren't between 5'10" and 6'5")
-Lack confidence when talking to particularly attractive women.
-Lack an interesting personality and/or good sense of humor.

If any of the above describe you, chances are good that at some point in time you were humiliated by a woman or faced the fear of potential humiliation when dealing with a woman.  This is especially likely if you went after women that were "out of your league," but it's probably even more harsh if it happened by a woman that was "in your league."

There's a lot of emphasis placed on society's standards held towards women and how they are judged based upon how attractive they are.  Now this is a bit wrong in many cases but when it comes to dating and relationships, I feel men are often ill-prepared to face these situations without inevitably feeling humiliated at some point in time.  At the very least, women being expected to be pretty make them accustomed to knowing how to make themselves as attractive as possible in terms of clothing, physical appearance, makeup, hair, etc.  I think this is a big load in BS in things like the business world but it definitely gives them a leg up when it comes to dating.

Now men shouldn't let themselves go or walk around looking like crap, un-bathed, unshaven, and with a bad haircut, but when you go beyond what you can control, you hit the factors that you can't control.  Your natural body shape, height, water retention (puffy vs wiry), facial features, hair or lack of, penis size, etc. were pretty much determined through your genes.  Since much of dating is superficial at the start (aka if she gives you a chance or not) there's a good chance you may have insecurities about one or more of these things, especially if you have ever been shot down or broken up with because of them.  Sexual endurance is another ball game to contend with.  In most cases if someone doesn't cum (not including orgasm denial) it's usually the woman.  Fetishes are yet another factor to contend with.

Together these things lead to the different ways men can be humiliated, some of which may be of a humiliation fetish while others might not.  


General inadequacy
Being shot down before given a chance.  This is the "nice try" or "not a chance" type response when approaching a woman.  Now it may be because she has a lover but in many cases it's simply because she doesn't like what she sees and knows she can do better.  You don't do it for her and never will.  You're too short/tall, too skinny/fat, too ugly, etc.  If this happens enough you start to feel those things about you must be true.

This can also apply to situations (usually fairly early in a relationship) where you get dumped for no apparent reason.  Basically, she thinks she can do better than you.  File under: it's not you, it's me.

Sexual inadequacy
This can fall under three primary categories:  lack of ability, lack of endurance, or lack of size. 

This can be a particularly strong fear for men, especially for ones that remain a virgin long after "most " of their peers.  In all honesty, most women won't break up with a man she is emotionally compatible with and in love with for any of the reasons above, but that fear and his male ego usually remain.  While this might remain a small insecurity, the real insecurity happens BEFORE you know if you are emotionally compatible or in love.  
Does every man suffer from this?  No.  Do many?  Probably.  The less sexual experience you have, the smaller the penis you have, the shorter sexual endurance you have, the more likely you are to have a fear of this.

Even if you rank poorly sexually you can still improve and be able to easily please your lover by mastering the art of cunnilingus, but she will still be able to hold that over you.  Even if you are able to please her in bed regularly, she can probably still find some way of bringing your insecurities to the surface if she wanted to.  Being with a woman who's ex had an 11" dick is sort of like having your band being blown off the stage by the opening act.  You still might rock but it will continue to nag at you no matter what anyone says.

Fetish humiliation
I think every guy with a fetish out there has probably been faced with this fear.  You have a particular fetish but are terrified to share it for fear that she will be disgusted or repulsed by it and she might break up with you, tell everyone she knows, etc.  

The scale of this one varies based upon the fetish, how strong it is, how common it is, etc.  If you like being tied up this probably bugs you less than if you want to be shit on... unless you can only get hard if you are tied up.  Being afraid of being humiliated by sharing your humiliation fetish is definitely ironic.

So these are the fears... but what about the people with a fetish for humiliation?  This gets rather complicated if it's something you've never thought about before.

Men will either have a fetish for being humiliated on a micro or macro level.  In the micro level, men will prefer to be humiliated by or in front of:

One woman that they know (usually their lover or a woman that they desire).
One man that they know.
Several women that they know.
Several men that they know.
A group of women and men that they know.

On the macro level we have being humiliated by or in front of:
Several women that are strangers.
Several men that are strangers.
A group of men and women that are strangers.

The micro level carries a lot greater weight than the macro level.  When humiliated in your microcosm, you must live within that microcosm post-humiliation.  On the macro level, these are people you will probably never see, nor have to deal with ever again. 

Going even further there's many types of humiliating reactions men may get turned on by.
-Laughter in a cruel insulting way.
-Laughter in an amused way.
-Shocked in a disgusted way.
-Shocked in a surprised way.
-Plain disgust.
-A smirk in a "knowing" or insulting way.
-A smirk in an amused way.

There are also great differences in how any of these reactions will be delivered to the man.
-In your face.  She gets close and directs the reaction to him, wanting to see his reaction.
-From a distance.  Think of the "whisper, point, giggle" fantasy here.
-In between.  She reacts to him but stays far enough away where she doesn't want to actually interact with him.  IMO, in between is probably the harshest of the three.

As you can probably tell, I sort of ran out of gas for this post about halfway through heh.  I may try to elaborate on some of this if people have any questions/comments on particular subjects. 

his/Hers

Well, this drawing sort of turned out like shit but I figured I'd post it anyways.  The drawing felt uninspired but the idea behind the drawing is something I had a dream about a long time ago.

I'm not sure your feelings on the idea of the his/Hers types of matching stuff.  Sometimes you'll see towels/robes set up in that way, other times you'll find some outfits designed to match except be tailored to each gender.  In other cases you'll find the mother/daughter "mini-me" type matching outfits as well.

Why not a his/Hers sissy/Mistress outfits?

I've always wondered...

If people wanted to me to share more about myself on a personal level.  I'm fairly certain there are those who would prefer if I graphically recounted play experiences, and I'm guessing there are others that would prefer me writing and exploring different topics on an analytical level.

I get a handful of comments and feedback (all of which I am grateful for) but not enough to really know what to write sometimes. Maybe it's best during those times that I just draw hehe. 

Quite a change...

since yesterday as the weather dipped to 5-10 degrees today with overnight lows approaching -20 and a high of tomorrow estimated to be between 0 and 5.  Kind of a letdown after Wednesday.

At least when it gets this cold every place you might go is less busy...

Today

Tonight I'm feeling a bit lonely.  I had a really long day and almost got into several car accidents when people changed lanes without looking and nearly side-swiped me.  I'm not really sure but there were a lot of up and down adrenaline rushes/crashes following a night where I didn't sleep very well.

I stopped by a lot of stores today and while it was "warm" by our standards reaching the mid-20's, when following days of snow and temperatures in the teens or below something strange always happens on these days (and I don't just mean extra long lines at the car wash).  Women that are out and about tend to dress particularly well during these times.  It's like, when it's super cold they bundle up to the gills and don't worry about fashion and when it's "super warm" (e.g. 30's) they tend to wear laundry day clothes since it's sloppy as hell outside.  It's these days where it's warmer than it has been but still decently cold that things tend to spice up a bit.


The shapeless nylon parkas go away and the stylish yet practical ensembles make their way out of the closet once again.  Huge over-sized ski gloves and mittens are replaced with leather, wool, and cashmere gloves, and everything gets a little stream-lined, although prime for my strongest fetish, that being women in fur and leather apparel, boots, gloves, and certain styles of hats (these pre-date all of my submissive tendencies).

I wrote about this in some of my earliest posts (in the first 10 or 20 entries or so) on my blog.  My sissy fetish is all about the forced part of forced fem and humiliation.  I don't wish to ever pass for feminine, nor could I with my muscular build.  I am jealous at how women's clothing differs from men's clothing.

To put it bluntly, I'm attracted to nearly every part of a woman.  While eyes and mouth tend to be what makes me truly drawn in (in a superficial sense), I love breasts and curves.  I love hair that accents the overall shape of the figure.  I love some more interesting facial characteristics like a slightly turned up nose or some imperfect teeth and small moles.  I can't help but (peripherally) stare at shapely hips, thighs, and ass.  I love the proportional differences between men and women, shortened torso, longer legs, shorter arms, and (proportionately) longer necks.

How does this apply to being jealous of how clothing differs?  Well, women's clothing does two things that men's clothing doesn't do.  First, women's clothing is meant to tease the eyes.  It lures you.  A low cut blouse and you can't help but peak at the breasts.  Leggings and tights (or any tight fitting pants) have your eyes tracing upwards.  Tunic length tops (with leggings) keep you wanting to see more.  Skirts are so inviting.  Stretch tops show off the curves of the breast and back.  Even though I was really busy with errands today I noticed at least six women wearing stretch pants, knee high boots, and belted hip length coats.  They would walk in with a pair of leather gloves in hand and sunglasses on.  On days like these they know they look good and they know people notice it.

The second part is comfort.  Form and function become one in women's clothing designed for winter.  Men have a cotton shirt with a semi-rigid collar.  Women have a form fitting cashmere sweater that caresses the body with every movement, retains warmth without over-heating, and makes the breasts "pop."  Assuming you shop stores that are a cut above what you would find at an average mall (or utilize discount retailers like TJ Maxx), women's outerwear is almost always geared towards style, comfort, and warmth.  With men's clothing it's notable for its lack of style, lack of comfort, and just the warmth.  The luxury fabrics turn up more commonly for women and usually at a better price than similar items for men (if they are even available) and in a manner that is meant to compliment various outfits via different colors.  What's key here is this:  men aren't supposed to enjoy wearing it, they're just supposed to wear it and look either practical or established/sophisticated or scenester/hipster, or whatever. 

My love of the touch of fur (with a lot of outside help) pretty much made me the sissy I am today.  Aside from trapper hats (which have become trendy with women in the past two years) and hood trim, fur has pretty much vanished from men's apparel.  Match that with the political climate towards fur coming up through the late 80's and the 90's and a material that had been used for warmth for thousands of years pretty much vanished for men.

Even with the invention of synthetic fibers, fur (including sheepskin/shearling/etc.) is still as warm if not warmer (with less perspiration).  Even if a synthetic could be as warm, there's something missing... and that is the touch.  Natural fur just feels really good on the skin.  So in our post-thinsulate and abundant faux era, there's still a reason that earmuffs are made out of fur, sheepskin, etc. and that's because it feels good and it's incredibly warm.  With that in mind, while earmuffs were invented by a man with the intention of them being unisex, the only male earmuffs (that aren't feminine and passed off as unisex) are those fleece behind the head style, which are neither as warm nor pleasing to the touch. 

Now I am of the type that really doesn't bundle up much in winter.  I rarely zip up my coat.  I wear thin leather gloves.  I never wear hats, scarves, or boots.  I don't layer at all, nor wear any flannel or fleece.  I find many of those materials, especially acrylic, to be more irritating than anything else.  I over-heat and then sweat and then get colder and the material tends to rub in a bad way, making my head and neck itch.  Now if I wanted to dress for warmth and comfort, my options are extremely limited without going en femme.

This is kind of how things got started.  I got my first Mistress a merino wool cloche hat with a fur cuff trim that went over the ears, some merino wool gloves with fur cuffs at the wrist, and a fur scarf as a gift.  She absolutely loved them.  While modern fashion has dictated that fur trims are meant for style, they were in fact invented to help retain body heat at the points where the warm clothes end.  It was during a discussion similar to what I am writing now that she originally wanted me to be comfortable with wearing fur and she wanted me to enjoy it as she had learned to on that fateful day when she made me wear the things I got her.  I resisted but she "insisted" (giving me a couple of checks in the punishment log) and soon I was wearing them and she teased my face and chest with the ends of the scarf.  After several minutes she realized I wasn't saying anything.  My face was red, my eyes were pointed at the floor, my lip was twitching and I had a huge erection.  I couldn't speak, I could only nod or shake my head.  Fur became part of her power and she soon abandoned the idea of making me comfortable with it and began to exploit my discomfort. 

It was later that week when the conversation from my May 4th post took place and she ended up buying it even after that conversation. 

I don't really know where I'm going with this post, nor did I know when I started.  I just feel pretty lonely tonight (Mistress is working an overnight) and I don't have anyone to talk to or be affectionate with.

All I know is that I am grateful for today's weather since there were many women about in sexy boots, fur-trimmed coats and hats, and an abundance of nice sweaters and shapely form-fitting pants while indoors.

I finally got my first message

on the chatbox that I added to my blog but unfortunately I was away helping to make dinner and by the time I got back the person wasn't there any longer.

I regret closing the window before starting this reply because I remember the basics from the question but not all of the details.  If you were the one to leave the message, please leave a comment here and I can try to address the specifics more directly.

Basically, if memory serves me, the writer was a sub in a long-standing marriage with some Femdom tones that was wanting his wife to have him wear a bra and panties and his request was denied and he was looking for advice on how to convince her of the idea.  (also I think there was a mention of chastity but I don't remember the specifics.)

I have written about this topic several times in the past but I will try to reiterate some of the more important points.  What you need to "sell" her on is how will it benefit her.  Basically, by forcing you to dress in a bra and panties, what does that add to her life, your relationship, and so on?  Will her life be better because of it or is it just something you want to do?  Will it justify its cost? 

You need to be able to answer these questions and be willing to make extra sacrifices to make it happen (assuming it is truly important to you).  You can try tackling them one by one.

Some examples:
"When you have me wear a bra and panties, it makes me feel more submissive and more loving.  I also feel more obedient and would be willing to do to prove that to you."

"I would be willing to give up in order to justify its costs and more than make up for it by ."

"It is something that touches my submissive soul deeply and I think I would be able to make you happier because ."

If you can't answer these questions you might have to just accept that it probably won't happen, beg and plead and hope it does something, or hopefully win a bet of some sort where that can be the reward.

The other compromise (after finding ways it will improve her life) is to seek a trial basis of it.  See if she notices a difference over two weeks and let her decide after that.  Unfortunately, if she's adamant about it you might be out of luck.

Here are some links to posts that I have made that have dealt with similar subjects:
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/appeal-of-femdom-relationship-whats-in.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/05/thoughts-on-vanilla-to-ds-conversion.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/03/good-things-about-being-dominant-woman.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/dominance-vs-confidence-unlocking.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2010/04/appeal-of-femdom-relationship-whats-in.html
http://furcissy.blogspot.com/p/tips-on-courting-domme.html

Unfortunately there's no sure-fire way to sell it to her.  The best you can do is to come up with a compelling argument and hope that she will be willing to either buy into it or at least entertain it on a trial basis. 

Thoughts on submissive/sissy names and the pronoun game

I've served several women over the years, most of which have sissified me to some extent and the ones I was with for longer than a month always developed some sort of nickname for me.

I've been called pet, slave, my first initial, slut, sissy, etc. but I've never been given a girl's name.  The idea of being given a girl's name doesn't really do it for me although I know that's a common thing to do with Domme's that feminize their subs.  I'm not sure why it has no effect on me, maybe it's that I'm not feminine in the slightest or that I have no aspirations towards womanhood.  I also don't really know if being given one would do it for me, but only since I don't really care to have one.

That being said, when my Mistresses no longer called me by my name, it DOES do it for me.  A little bit of thinking on the subject and I started to analyze what types of nicknames did it for me and which ones didn't. 

What I noticed was that my submissive instincts (aka a hard on) usually stems from nicknames that either reflect status inequalities, depersonalize, or are insulting.  When being called "pet," it's not like saying "my pet," which would have a name, but more stating that I am in fact on the level of a pet. From my experiences, when demeaning/insulting nicknames, a single name is rarely used exclusively.  e.g. If she calls me slut, she will most likely call me whore, bitch, sissy, etc. and use any of them at any time interchangeably (or a combination like sissy bitch, slut whore, and so on).

Pronouns tend to be a bit different, except almost all of them affect me if they are used when I am present and being spoken about as if I'm not even there.  In this context I can see being referred to as "she" doing it for me.  That being said, being called "it" or "the slave" or "the slut" would have a similar effect.  Hell, even addressing me as "you there" or "boy" etc. tend to do it when the mood is right.

I guess all of it would probably have to come down to the context. 

I guess I'm curious as to why Dommes give their feminized subs girl's names, if it's to give them an association with being feminine or because they love it or hate it? 

200 posts

It seems that earlier tonight I broke the 200 post mark.  I know my web presence has been a bit sporadic but I'm grateful to all those who read my blog and everyone that I have communicated with both here and on other blogs.  You all help inspire me and hopefully I'm able to contribute to some of you as well.

Keep in mind I'm always open to requests for topics to write about or answering any questions you might have.

Another drawing inspired by MsMarie

MsMarie's recent post "Natural Habitat - Snow Plowed" got my head spinning in a good way and I used a few pics from her blog as models for this one.

 If I gave my drawings titles, this one would probably be called something like "Traversing the natural habitat in style."  Unfortunately with my current level of abilities I just couldn't get the whipping arm to look right...


(MsMarie, I know I borrowed you and your husband as models without permission, if you want me to take this down please let me know)

I stumbled across this picture a while back

I stumbled across this picture a while back and just saw it again today for the first time in over a year.  I can understand completely the body language and posture.  It's a display of shame and humiliation.  It got me thinking a bit about the subject.  In all likeliness he has some sort of fur fetish that brings him great guilt and shame, he likely has a fetish for forced feminization that also brings him guilt and shame, and he probably has a thing for humiliation, which is why he was willing to be photographed in the first place. 

For some reason tonight I started thinking about how conditional his fetishes probably are.  Tear him away from the security of a private home and force him into a situation well outside of his comfort zone and all of that desire would probably fade away.  Drive him to the mall to parade him around and he'll probably beg and cry and refuse to leave the car unless threatened with something much worse.  Turn your back on him for an instant and he'll have the fur hidden away as best he can and probably try to use the coat to cover his skirt and legs.  The mental anguish would be off the charts.  Start counting to five.  Tell him if you reach five you'll have him welded inside a steel chastity belt.  Assure him that it's not an empty threat.  Feel your lips mouth "fiii" and watch him snap to attention. 

What a terrible experience that would be.  A terrible experience that lingers as a fantasy in my twisted mind.

I really like this coat...

and would love to see my Mistress wearing it.

Life as it is

Well, it's been several months since our last serious D/s interactions.  Things are going quite well and we haven't been fighting much over the past couple of months.  I am okay with this but I think it's also why I've been doing so much with my blog the past couple of weeks.  My D/s needs aren't being met in life so I'm finding a way to feed them here.  It makes it hard sometimes. 

Catering to a Domme's nature

Some recent comments by Lady Grey got me thinking a bit about Dommes and something came to mind that I thought was worthy of its own post.  My apologies in advance if this basically comes off as the same thing as something else I wrote months ago.  With the ups and downs that I've been through this past year it seems like a distant memory.

A lot of responsibility is put on the Domme to keep the kink rolling in a D/s relationship.  I'm sure this can be frustrating at times for both parties.  A lot about D/s dating/courting/relationships revolves around sub "fit," which is basically how compatible a Domme and sub are on a kink level.

When it comes to deeper types of submission I think a lot of the specifics can be ignored as the basic needs are more like themes and the right type of Domme will fill those needs regardless of what the specifics are.

I think every Domme has two primary parts to their D/s nature:
A.  The part of the Domme that enjoys being dominant.  This is the part of the Domme that gets off on doing things to a sub. 

B. The part of the Domme that enjoys having a submissive.  This is the part of the Domme that gets off on having a sub do things for her.

The type A part of a Domme probably most enjoys spanking/beating, mind fucking, bondage, tease & denial, limiting privileges, etc.  Basically, she gets off on themes of power and control and wielding it over someone else.

The type B part of a Domme probably most enjoys being waited on hand & foot, receiving sexual pleasure, avoiding tedious chores/busywork, etc.  In these cases she gets off on themes of being cherished and pampered.  To simplify it even more, she goes for the displays of love and devotion in each action.

I do know that many of these activities could be classified as both, but I'm mainly getting at what part of each activity pleases her most.  "Turn your Woman into a Femdom" advice/writings generally cater to type B. 

Every Domme has at least some of each type but how they balance within a Domme differs greatly from person to person.  In most D/s relationships (working from the distribution of intensities I wrote about in http://furcissy.blogspot.com/2011/01/styles-and-intensities-of-femdom.html), I would wager there is usually a 40A-60B split or greater in favor of B in most Dommes.  I think a lot of that probably stems from the guilt factor that many Dommes have about what they do to and with subs, but mostly from the fact that there just aren't as many women that get aroused by being cruel to someone else.  Because of this I think you'll find quite a few women who go as far as 10A-90B but VERY FEW women that would be 90A-10B.

If you are a Domme and aren't sure which type you lean towards, picture a naked sub prostrated at your feet and consider the following lines:
1. "I suffer for you because it pleases you.  That makes me happy."
2. "I would do anything for you to please you.  That makes me happy."

If you prefer 1, you probably lean to type A.  If you prefer 2, you probably lean to type B.

I also realize a Domme may change her distributions over time, so when I make these statements, I mean them over the course of a year or so and they may shift from year to year.

Subs have a similar sort of personality mix:
a. The part of the sub that enjoys doing things for a Domme.

b. The part of a sub that enjoys having things done to him by a Domme.

A/b and B/a probably make up the best couples in the long run, but unfortunately, I would wager that there are more type a subs than type b subs.  If there are truly more type B Dommes than type A Dommes, that means the largest group of subs has the smallest group of Dommes and vice versa.

In my opinion, it's best off for a sub seeking a Domme to be well-balanced (if not leaning heavily to type a).

More shading practice

I really love drawing.  I'm not very good at it but it really makes me feel alive.  I get a bit frustrated sometimes since improvements happen very very very slowly.  I was never able to take any art/drawing classes in high school or college.  My parents expected me to be perfect and get a scholarship since they said I was "gifted."  In turn, I avoided classes that posed a risk to my GPA, e.g. Art, auto mechanics, wood shop, creative writing (writing was a huge weakness of mine back then), etc.  Lots of things I wanted to do for pleasure or for practical knowledge I just had to skip over.  I managed to finish high school with a 4.0 but I really regret not just saying fuck it and doing what I wanted to.  In college the engineering grad programs I was looking at had pretty high GPA requirements and I had no room for any type of elective credits.  By the time I changed majors and decided not to go to grad school I got stuck taking all required classes until I graduated.  If I could do it all over again I'd make a much larger effort to make drawing/painting a much larger part of my life.

The model for this drawing was from a picture at www.mrmockle.com
He's been around for years and if you have a thing for women in fur, you are probably aware of his site.

Also, the last few drawings I have done were using vector clip art for the eyes and mouth.  I drew these ones by hand and I think they're a huge step up from my earlier drawings.  I still suck at mouths and noses though :P
(I was going to draw a sub in the cage but I think it would have probably turned out poorly no matter how much time I spent on it).

Contract enforcement, renewal, and retraining

Queen Goddess at the blog "I am Her Maine sub" recently made a post about annual retraining with her sub.   It's an interesting lifestyle post that covers some of the aspects of keeping a D/s relationship on course and ever-evolving. 

As described in the blog posting there's often a bit of lull that sets in after a while where both the submissive's level of service eventually begins to wain and the Domme's enforcement of rules can also similarly lose its edge.  The end result of this usually happens rather abruptly, where things decline until Domme decides drastic change must happen and tightens the reins until proper submissive behavior resumes.  Other times things don't go quite as smoothly and there can be significant consequences to the relationship in the long run.

Queen Goddess's approach to rectifying this situation is every year to re-evaluate what is expected of the sub and make any changes to routines, rules, etc.  Contracts are renewed and during the first month of the year the sub starts from "rock bottom" for lack of a better term, and must slowly earn back his privileges. 

I think this is a very good method but it also got me thinking about my own behaviors and tendencies and where I find myself slipping up and what ways could be used to counteract those without having my behavior or my relationship deteriorate.  In all honesty, it takes me roughly 6-8 weeks for strict adherence to standards begins to falter unless constant motivation is applied (usually right around the time she feels she doesn't have to tell me, I start fouling up).  I feel bad and inadequate sometimes about this but I acknowledge it as my own current reality.  While my service might be satisfactory after that time, satisfactory and exemplary service (what I would like to expect from myself) are definitely on different levels.

I do enjoy contracts and I don't mind having my routines/expectations laid out for me, so I thought a bit about how to integrate that into the cycle of a relationship.  I also realize that the more back-end work a Domme has to do, the more of a headache being dominant can be for her, so keeping that within reason here's some ideas I was able to come up with that would probably help ease my chronic problems.

The contract would remain annual for our joint renewal, but include stipulations for quarterly reviews.  Each year would be broken up in to three month stretches.  Each quarter would have behavioral evaluations made and at the end of the of the quarter the Domme may make revisions to the contract/rules/regulations and sign them into effect for the next quarter (the sub still only renews yearly).  At the end of the year there should be enough behavioral feedback to know what changes need to be made and with what emphasis/priority they should be given.

Each Quarter in Detail:
-A sub report card is a good way to record sub performance.  These can have as many or few categories as seen fit and will be used at various times during the quarter.
A sample might include:
Behavioral Grades
-Chore duties
-Attentiveness
-Sexual performance
-Sexual control

-Attention to detail

Attitude Grades
-Politeness and respect
-Willingness to participate and serve
-Enthusiasm
-Anticipating needs

If your sub is a sissy, it might include a section for appearance with grading on clothing, makeup, hair, grooming/shaving, etc. 

-The Domme will randomly select a day during the quarter (she doesn't have to tell the sub in advance) and use this as sort of a pop quiz midterm and evaluate his performance and record it to a report card.  This report card may count towards half (or something slightly less than half) of his quarter grade.  It's up to the Domme's discretion if she wishes to choose a good day, average day, or bad day, but on a bad day it might be a good way to blow off steam.  This could be done more than once but should be done at least once.

-The final week (or few days) of the quarter will be finals week.  The sub will be graded with great scrutiny each day until the end of the quarter.  These grades for the week will be averaged and count for the other half of his quarter grade. 

When the quarterly grades are in, the sub's strengths and weaknesses both under knowing observation and at random can be determined and quantified and appropriate revisions can be made to the contract for the next quarter.

This leaves three quarter revisions and four quarters' worth of grades.  At the end of the fourth quarter the yearly grades can be determined and should be fairly representative of the sub's strengths and weaknesses for the entire year.  The contract is then revised again and both parties will renew. 

Quarterly and year end grades can also serve another purpose as requiring a certain GPA can be used for granting rewards or punishments and give the sub something to aspire for (or try his best to avoid).

Just some ideas...

subs: to congregate or segregate

Something that I've always noticed is the difference in how subs socialize in traditional BDSM communities vs. Femdom communities.  In the BDSM communities I have interacted in it was fairly common for subs to talk with each other at gatherings and they would often hang out together in their free time.

However, in Femdom communities it's usually quite the opposite.  In most cases there would never be subs from more than 1 or 2 of the Dommes present at any given time.  In the cases where there were subs from many women present, they might be permitted to talk about whatever their task at hand was but any communication about "what it is like to serve " was quickly squashed and usually punished pretty harshly.

I have read blogs from several Dommes that pretty much state that their subs aren't allowed any contact with other subs.  I understand why they would choose this and pretty much agree with the reasons behind it, both keeping subs from trying to exploit the situation, avoiding "but she lets him do " situations, and keeping him feeling a bit isolated so that his only BDSM-related communication must be with the Domme (although I'm sure there are even more reasons).  

I also understand scenes where subs are encouraged to communicate with each other, learn from each other, lean on each other, etc.

I'm curious if people had any views on this subject.

An observation and opening for further discussion

Based upon some of the comments that have happened on various older posts here, I posted the poll about relationships and orgasm frequency (if at all).  Now I will be the first to admit that you can't gather decisive information from a poll like that, nor how many people who voted have been in or are in D/s relationships (so some votes may be representative of a thought/feeling that would likely be drastically different if confronted for real). 

This is mainly in response to comments made towards rfoj74's comments on his experiences with his sub/sissy.  So far there have been 14 votes by subs.  5 said they would be willing to get into their ideal D/s relationship at the expensive of never orgasming again or having very very infrequent orgasms.  8 have said it would be a harder decision but if the situation was just right they probably couldn't keep themselves from going for it.  1 has said there's no way they would even consider it. 

Out of the two Dommes that have voted so far, 1 has voted they could see themselves demanding their sub to give up orgasms if the situation warranted it and 1 said they probably would never do that but can see where that would be useful.

I guess what I'm not sure of is... are those comments from a very vocal minority?  Or since few have talked at all in favor of any of the possible merits of that situation are they in fact a vocal majority? 

I guess I'm just curious.  I'm not really trying to say one side is right or wrong, I'm merely wondering where people are coming from on the subject and how their views on the BDSM and D/s lifestyle may affect those views. 

Femdom Dream Fantasy - Fur Internship

I had a dream that ended up inspiring a story idea that I never got around to writing.

The basic premise is that a man with a fur fetish answers an ad in the paper for a full time unpaid internship at a local fur & leather shop.  He answers the ad and gets semi-seduced by the owner who hires him and gets him to sign a contract.  The shop happens to specialize in a few things: women's fashions, fetish fashions, sissy fetish fashions, sexual items and BDSM related gear.  On the surface it's just a shop but when he starts working there he finds out they run a host of other mail order companies and strange walk-in clientele.  The company is very gynocentric and he is the low man on the totem pole. 

To make a long story short the internship causes him to get fired from his other job, he gets tricked into debt with the company, loses his car, and is forced to work there 50+ hours a week for free.  The company, called FurHerPleasure, exploits male fetishes in order to sell fur/leather/bdsm items to women for incredibly low prices. 

I don't have any stories written from it nor pictures depicting scenes from it.  What I did up tonight were some pages from a couple of their catalogs if said businesses actually existed.  I have done 3 pages from each catalog to show how each approach might be taken, including how to exploit men and reap the benefits onto women.  Their labor force is a sweat-shop/dungeon type environment where male subs are (at least initially) consensually forced to do the manufacturing.

I honestly have no idea if this is of any interest to anyone or not heh.  Please let me know if you would want more from this scenario.

 

 

Revisiting the Lesbian Fantasy

Ms Marie's recent post Sapphic Tendencies got me thinking again about my post from July on the Lesbian Fantasy.  It's kind of eerie how some of the same details are in both of our posts.  I don't really know why but whenever this type of fantasy trickles its way into my brain I tend to feel a twinge of guilt, followed by a sigh and a mumble of "typical male fantasy."

After reading her post I did some thinking on it and tonight I re-read my post and found a few areas that I didn't cover during my exploration of it the last time around.  In my earlier post I focused mainly upon the role change and diminished personal relationship between the Domme and male sub.

Isolating the case of a FemDom, a Fem sub, and a male sub, where the Fem sub receives preference/status over the male, I noticed a few new areas to think about.  How does this differ from say, a FemDom and two male subs?  What does this say if a Fem sub was added to an existing FemDom/male sub relationship (or vice versa)?

A case with two male subs is a pretty easy read assuming that both subs probably have similar types of requirements and may possibly serve similar roles in the relationship.  One may receive preference (usually whichever one was there first), but both are male subs and they probably know what to expect from the relationship.

Adding a male sub to a Lesbian D/s couple is fairly straight forward.  The male would be brought in to do the grunt work and to be dumped on when it's convenient.  This makes sense.  So why is the reverse case so intriguing? 
 
This is where my typical male fantasy probably takes over.  I know there are Dommes out there that would probably treat a male sub and female sub equally, but in my own mind and as painted out by Ms. Marie, what about that scenario makes it so difficult to shake?

This time around I was able to see some new insights into this and the male ego crushing effects of it.

-The Fem sub is a sub that exists solely for pleasure.  The male sub never had that role.  Even when he was used for pleasure he was still there for pain.  He might wish that it was him in her role and there was someone else lower down to take the brute force and tedious duties.  The Fem sub gets to experience his fantasy and that's something he has never, nor will ever taste.  This can be easily rubbed in his face for shame/jealousy.

-She hops into her role but his role is changed.  It's sort of like taking a pay cut... it hurts because you once got more for the same thing.  Now that she's here he just lost his status, pleasure, and attention.  All of the grunt work with less (if any) reward.  Every time the Fem sub is called to bed and he must sleep elsewhere would have to sting.

-Since they are both women and both are given power over the male sub, it's almost like the Lesbian D/s dynamic is pretend or momentary... a means for mutual pleasure and enjoyment.  The Femdom D/s dynamic must feel like a harsh slap in the face in that light. 

-Forbidden fruit.  He now has another set of curves to fantasize over.  I don't see much in terms of sexual interaction between the two subs being permitted here except maybe some extreme teasing or assistance during play.

-Women are territorial.  I don't know a single Female sub or switch that placed in this situation, that wouldn't go out of their way to monopolize the Domme's attention.  I know there are Fem subs that exist that would not, but I don't personally know any of them as they often wish to be invisible around anyone other than their Dom.  With this in mind, the odds that the male sub would receive any positive attention is rather small.

This seems to clear some things up but geez... this still manages to turn me on something fierce every time I think about it.

Femdom Philosophies: The One Line Phrase

I've noticed that whenever I hear a Domme make a general one line statement communicating her philosophies on Femdom, D/s, BDSM, etc. my mind tends to race and I'm often guilty of getting a hard-on as my mind races to process the implications.

I think that's what makes a one-line phrase so powerful, that it give implications but keeps them open-ended so that almost any situation not directly covered by the phrase is put in its place.  I've heard many of these phrases over the years and it would probably take me several hours to record all of them but they never cease to strike a chord in my submissive soul.  Even ones I don't agree with will often linger with me for years, slowly changing my views until I find myself responding to that philosophy.

I'll try to list off some examples here...

"All boys should be kept in chastity."
Implications:  males can't control themselves (nor be trusted to do so), aroused males behave poorly, a woman should dictate when and how a male can have sexual pleasure, etc.

"Only dominants should be allowed to wear black."
Implications:  black is a powerful color and any submissive being should have to wear something less powerful.  Less powerful being...

"A sub should be punished regularly to keep them in their place."
Implications:  a sub that isn't punished regularly will be belligerent, a Domme doesn't need a reason other than this to punish their sub, a sub that carries some fear will be better behaved.

"Sissies should be kept (butt) plugged to remind them of their status."
Implications:  a sissy is of lower status, discomfort and anal penetration is suitable for low status, sissies should never forget their are of lower status.

"A good sissy maid is seen but not heard."
Implications:  a sissy maid should not be permitted to speak (or should be kept gagged), good service doesn't require talking.

There's hundreds more that I can't seem to remember right now.

Does anyone else have any of these lines that really stayed with them?  Or for Dommes, are there any of these philosophies that you like to use/share with others?

Drawing, tribute, shading practice

A recent post by Ms. Marie inspired this drawing but I also kept it non-sissy to see how I would do (at Giles' request in a previous comment.

I did a lot of shading work on this one... trying to figure out and improve at shading/detailing but it's still a work in progress.  To make things easier I pretty much traced this one for the contours/shading.

 

I did make a few variants of this one as well.   One with caption for those who like captions and another with a slight modification of what the woman is wearing.  A turtleneck seems more believable given the environment.

A Domme's Role in Consent

Giles English brought up some interesting points in comments to my last post on consent.  It made me realize that I had written that post with the assumption that the sub would resist leaving unless things were simply terrible for them.

Any Domme that has been through several D/s relationships probably knows this usually isn't how things really work and that not all compromises are made by the sub.

In reality, unless you have a very extreme D/s relationship, you have to be able to connect on a personal level and the Domme must make sure things are good enough to keep him from leaving.  This can be done in a variety of ways.  Each way has sort of its own "face value" as well as a means to exploit it.  I don't feel that a little bit of exploitation is that bad, especially if the foundation is in fact a loving, caring relationship. 

-Incorporating enough of his kink/fetish/fantasies to keep his needs met. If it floats his fetish boat, he will have no reason to look elsewhere to fill those needs.  This can be exploited in a few ways, mildly by making his fetishes a reward, or more overtly by making him feel sexually awkward or inadequate because of his fetishes but roping him in by telling him that you understand him and that you're okay with the way he is (even when no other woman would be).  Occasionally you may want to act out one of his fantasies to keep him salivating at the thought of having it happen again.

-Ensuring the day by day relationship is loving and fulfilling.  Even if there is no sexual contact simply reminding him that you enjoy your relationship, you love him, and value him in your life.  This can be exploited rather severely.  Words are cheap but adequate to reference to a sub if he starts feeling otherwise.  e.g. Punishing him as "a sign of your love for him," or saying he "is the most important person in my life" while ignoring his needs.  Taken a step further logic can be twisted:  "I'm denying you orgasms because it brings me so much pleasure to see you squirm in frustration and don't you want to see me happy?  I know it makes you happy for me to be dominant."  It is much easier to exploit if the stakes are high e.g. marriage, common friends, etc. as he will have no where to turn to.

-Stretching his boundaries slowly.  While some might believe this shouldn't happen, many subs crave the submission of having their limits pressed.  This is a process that should happen over time and in the right settings.  Exploiting these cases really shows the weakness of the male.  Sexual conditioning (positive sexual reinforcement) can slowly turn a Domme's fetish into a sub's fetish.  Extended tease & denial can make a sub highly susceptible to "suggestion" and if he is horny enough and being brought to a climax he can be made to promise almost anything.  When he reaches that point you can either allow him release and expect it in the future or deny his orgasm and tell him he will be allowed release after he makes good on the promise.   

There are also some ways that aren't as emotionally healthy.  While they might be viewed with disgust or disdain by some, long-standing relationships that have grown a bit stale on the D/s front and where a Domme wishes to make major changes to the relationship may find these as being some of the only ways to get an honest behavioral change out of her sub.  Subs that have grown bored/complacent with a relationship can be incredibly moody/stubborn/resistant to adopting a more ideal submissive attitude.  Sometimes they need a kick in the butt to get back on track.  In many ways I consider these options to be healthier/easier than having a Domme terminate the relationship without communicating the seriousness of the situation to her sub.

-The threat of rejection.  He can have it her way or get out.  If she has exploited his fetishes at all (or decides to start now) he will know that his needs aren't "normal" and he will have a tough chance finding another woman willing to accept him as he is. 

-He is replaceable.  This is the other side of his threat of rejection.  While he will have a difficult time finding another Domme, she will have an incredibly easy time finding a dozen subs to take his place, so if he won't perform, she'll find a sub who can.  While it may very well take weeks/months to find another sub that she will mesh with on a deep level, he doesn't have to know that, and the thought of having a dozen applicants lined up at her door the next day will probably shake him up a bit.  The odds are in her favor. 

-Blackmail.  In most cases, the male sub fantasy can go into very deep, dark places.  I've also found that Dommes are more likely to demand a sub to share his deepest fantasies and quite unlikely to share her deepest fantasies with him.  While he could try to out her, it usually ends up sort of like this:
sub: "she got off by wearing a corset and thigh high boots, tying me up and spanking me and then making me give her oral."
Domme: "he wanted me to tie him up, spank him, fuck him up the ass with a dildo, and then make him serve me and my friends while dressed as a maid."

When it comes to who is at risk to lose the most face, advantage: Domme. A few timely pictures here and there when he is in the throws of a BDSM activity can reinforce this even more.

These situations aren't fair, but neither is the outcome of power exchange except that we acknowledge the risks and consent to the relationship as a whole.  I've always felt these were sort of bi-products of the situation and always felt they were part of the risk to consider before starting the relationship.

Overall Consent vs. Situational Consent vs. Covert Conversion

I am building off of my previous post and comments on my recent posts Styles and Intensities of Femdom Relationships and A sub's Consent: Sacrifice and Trade-offs

If you scour the internet for intro to BDSM type material you'll find it ripe with warnings and cautions and the term "consensual" tossed around a lot.  Most BDSM material was written with active BDSM communities in mind and mostly to protect vulnerable women from potentially dangerous and abusive men.  In these cases it is usually a wise system to follow but it doesn't seem to translate as well towards the variety of Femdom relationships you'll find both in reality and what people are seeking when you isolate activities within Femdom relationships.

I could rattle off a few clichés here about men being physically stronger than women so there's less risk, etc. but it doesn't really get to where I'm going.  No one seems to have a problem with a Domme inflicting physical punishments on a male sub or ordering him to pleasure her for hours with no sexual pleasure for him.  Those topics are treated as fairly ordinary and the types of things that people get into D/s relationships for.

The debates about consent really stem from the emotional health of the sub in light of the Dommes requirements of him.  I've seen a lot of Dominants take heat for their isolated actions towards subs and I don't really understand why unless a very narrow view of consent is project onto the situation.  Taking away a sub's favorite leisure activity, prohibiting orgasms, or inflicting public humiliation are a few activities that come to mind.

Now yes, it is unlikely that the average sub enters into a D/s relationship readily admitting that he okay with the prospect of having zero fun in life, is willing to be locked in chastity for a year at a time, and taken out in public and made to cry whenever she feels like it.  Since he hasn't agreed to that activity, if it pops up, does that make it non-consensual?  In some ways yes, in others no.  Situationally, it may appear non-consensual.  Overall, he may very well have agreed to let her punish him as she sees fit.

If he shirks his chore duties, she might take away his privilege to watch football or play softball with his buddies.  Is this any different from being grounded as a child/teen when you misbehaved?   If you agreed to let her decide how to punish you and agreed to abide by such a ruling, then on a greater level it is consensual.

If he is repeatedly caught masturbating without permission after consenting to give her full control over his orgasms, isn't it consensual to allow her to lock him in a chastity belt until she sees fit to release him?

If he consents to her full domination if she wishes to take him out and parade him around dressed as a French maid hasn't he really consented to that?

It's not that there's a clear cut answer here but I think the problem is that a lot of people look for the easy and straight forward answers while ignoring the circumstances of the situation and relationship.  If he can opt out at any time, where is the power exchange?  Also, if it's too much for him he can always walk away (she won't be strong enough to physically prevent him from doing so). 

I assume that subs that are faced with something they cannot or will not handle will walk and Dommes that have subs that will not do what they want them to will dismiss them.  Under this understanding I believe it's a safe assumption to say that long-standing relationships that engage in morally gray material (in BDSM morality) probably have the overall consent to do so or they wouldn't be together.  If his greater needs are met he will sacrifice his lesser needs and pride.

It becomes more difficult as relationships change over time.  If a Domme all of a sudden instigates a new rule or activity out of the blue that go beyond what he is comfortable with, he then must make a difficult decision to go along with her wishes or to walk away.  Walking away can be very difficult at this point but he can also choose to increase his submission and trust that she will keep him out of harm's way.

Basically, I think with most single activities that people interpret as non-consensual, they overlook the fact that the circumstances behind the activity are consensual.

To stir the pot a little more I'm bringing up the idea of something I call covert conversion (which is a term I made up tonight).  I view covert conversion as the gradual and non-consensual injection of the D/s dynamic into a vanilla relationship.  While this is often seen with closet-submissives trying to get their wives into domination, I will focus upon when things happen in the other direction with women attempting to subjugate their male lover. 

If you are familiar with the writings of Elise Sutton (loving female authority), Georgeann Cross (sexual power for women), or Lady Misato (real women don't do housework), I consider the methods and philosophies outlined in their works to be of this type.  While each of these methodologies are a bit different, the general idea is similar:  use sexuality and sexual conditioning of the male in order to transform a standard relationship into a female led relationship.  I discovered some of this material very early on in my trip towards submission and found it intriguing, although I hadn't yet identified with it.

When I first entered the lifestyle I discussed the ideas of these writings with my girlfriend/Mistress and she was quite against them (she came from a BDSM-community background) for their lack of consent. 

All in all, I guess I had never viewed some of those methods that differently from a wife or girlfriend with-holding sex or acting bitchy towards her significant other in order to get her way on something or to show displeasure with his behavior.  I guess that's why it struck/strikes me as odd that they elicit such a strong response from many in the BDSM community.

Game of Chance: The last 52 weeks of chastity

I had meant to include this with my Games of Chance post but it didn't really fit into the flow.

This game of chance is something I read somewhere years ago.  Keep in mind that I'm not a huge chastity enthusiast nor do I condone permanent chastity unless both parties are very strongly in favor of it, but for some reason when I read this game it got me really turned on due to its unfair nature and the potential for mental anguish.

The scenario:  A submissive has one year in chastity before the belt will be locked on permanently.  Their weekly service/behavior will be evaluated and if it receives a passing grade they will receive the chance to be released for a single orgasm.

The rules:
Take a chastity belt (preferably high security), 52 envelopes, 2 working keys to their belt, and 50 keys that won't open the belt (these can be blanks, dummies in the envelope, etc. but I think the effect is greater if the key is the right size/length and will fit into the lock).  Place one key in each envelope and seal it in a manner where any tampering will be evident (or find a way to keep the envelopes away from the sub). 

At the end of each week the envelopes will be placed into a bin.  If the sub receives a passing grade for the week, he must draw an envelope and try to unlock the belt with the key.  If the key unlocks the belt he may masturbate until he cums and the belt will be locked back on.  If the sub receives a failing grade for the week, he must draw an envelope and it will be thrown away without being opened.


When all 52 envelopes have been opened or he has won two orgasms the belt will not be removed again.

I suppose this could be repeated on a yearly basis if the discarded keys were saved instead of destroyed/disposed of without having chastity shift to permanent, but permanence was how it was written out when I read about it.

I'm really not sure exactly why or how this turned me on, but I have a few guesses, most of which are rooted in my desires for deep submission and mind-fucking.

-The potential for only two orgasms per year (especially in the face of permanence) yields a particularly deep level of desperation, and as time passes he will likely reach a rather high strung and frantic state.

-The thought that the key that gets thrown away may have been one of the working keys ensures a strong level of obedience and any failing grade will feel absolutely crushing.  At the same time there's no chance to dwell on it since the next week's behavior cycle will have started and he has to bounce back in his behavior while carrying a pretty heavy mental burden.  This will happen every time he loses a key.


-"Winning" an orgasm is good but at the same time it means you will have one less chance at getting another orgasm in the future.  Winning the second orgasm is winning the last orgasm and is bitter-sweet, physical pleasure met with great mental anguish.

-She can be as strict as possible in her grading since she has nothing to lose but he has everything to lose.  He may have to push himself beyond what he ever thought possible.

The Domme can inflict extreme mental anguish with very little effort (it is all built up in his head).  The odds are so stacked against him (especially if she's very strict) that he'll be forced through the same turmoil on a weekly basis. 

It's interesting to contemplate "worst case" scenarios.  Not getting a single release in 52 weeks vs. getting both keys within the first few weeks.  The former provides the thrill of the gamble.  The latter yields no future hope. 

After giving it some more thought I think this would probably be more fun to do on an annual basis.  Not just because it's not permanent, but after the first 52 weeks the fun would be gone.

Sissies on the net

This is a bit of a rant... it's not targeted at anyone in particular but it may offend some...

I've written before about the sissy stigma and lately the reasons that I believe it exists have pretty much held true.  While there are a few parts of the stigma that affect my own blog, e.g. exchanging very good comments with readers/authors on other blogs but them taking no interest in my blog due to its title and/or my username, the bulk of them seem to stem back to community support and the success and failure of various sites and forums.

I get a little frustrated sometimes when I take part in a forced fem internet community via e-group or forum only to watch it slowly dwindle away due to lack of participation of its members.  It often seems to follow a familiar cycle:  if there isn't enough masturbation material, it fails.

On those sites, the active posters (that post at least once a week) is usually around 20 to 100 sissies for every 1 Dominant.  When a new Dom shows up (they are often pros seeking to recruit new clients) they may start off interacting but are soon flooded with requests for assignments and when they seek feedback from the sissies they are lucky to get much response at all.  Basically, there isn't a lot of motivation for them to keep on going.  In other cases they may be harassed via private message/email until they leave.

In other cases, a small core keeps the wheels turning but as any long-running kink-oriented internet group knows, eventually you can't just rehash the same fantasies over and over again and keep the older members interested.  In these cases the community is usually carried by personal interactions and members getting to know one another along with discussions on relevant topics of interest and/or just shooting the shit.  The problem is that very few sissies can just converse.  It's like they only went there to whack-off and if it doesn't lead to that they want no part of it.  I can understand that to some extent but at the same time they can't be disappointed at the lack of interaction or new content when people get bored.

I guess it's just frustrating to me that this cycle persists.  On this blog it's tough for me to keep up with ideas for new topics of discussion, especially when there is minimal feedback.  At least 50% of my posts have nothing to do with forced fem but the 50% that do keep away many.  The odd result is that the bulk of the comments I receive have nothing to do with sissies or forced fem yet the vast majority of my blog followers are here for sissy/forced fem material.

My advice to the sissies out there is to interact on the places you visit, balancing masturbation material and normal interactions.  Keeping the wheels turning is a group effort and it often seems like the few are carrying the many.

Games of Chance - Stacked in Her favor

In Lady Grey's most recent entry she mentioned an inclusion of a dice roll to determine a certain punishment severity.

Using games of chance in D/s activities has been something I've thought and fantasized about a lot over the years.  There's just something about random chance that touches my submissive psyche.  It doesn't matter how stacked the odds are because as long as there's a chance, no matter how slim, you will always hold some hope for a positive outcome.  This seems to happen even if your mind has resigned itself to losing and every cognitive cell in your brain knows it won't happen, that glimmer of hope always manages to burn deep down inside you... and when that hope is inevitably crushed, you fall quickly and surrender.

Hitting on a 16 in black jack.  Needing one card for a flush or a straight in poker.  Betting any single number in roulette.  They all represent odds that are stacked against you.  When we gamble, we willingly accept those odds and the risks and accept that it is "fair," since every participant (besides the house) holds the same odds of success or failure when faced with a similar situation.

This is where Femdom gets so deliciously unfair.  The Domme is always the house and she can make the rules.  It can be stacked in her favor and as long as there is some chance that he can "win," the process of hope and despair will repeat itself.

There are two types of ways this can be exploited:
-A bad outcome vs. a more bad outcome.
-A bad outcome vs. a good outcome.

For the first type, the odds can be more fair since it's a lose/lose worse situation.  Rolling dice, drawing a card out of a deck, etc. all work well here.

For the second type, the odds can be completely unfair since there are more positive stakes available to him.  Rolling 1 die vs. 3 dice (her roll), playing poker where he gets 5 cards and she gets 10, and so forth can work here.

Being creative with both the game and the stakes can ensure the sub will ride a strong emotional roller coaster.

A sub's Consent: Sacrifice and Trade-offs

This is probably similar to a post I've made in the past, but these ideas seem to be brought up repeatedly over the course of the comments I read on other blogs as well as my own.

Often some questions/comments are raised about experiences or ideas along these lines:
"Is it right to subject the sub to that without his consent?"
"It can't be emotionally health if..."
"I don't understand how any sub could be happy if..."

I think the answers lie in each sub's priority of needs and being able to separate what constitutes a need vs. a preference.

Referring to my previous post, Styles and Intensities of Femdom Relationships, subs that have a true desire for each intensity level tend to be fairly representative of the frequency in which those relationships exist (I do think there are more subs that believe they wish for greater intensity but then would reject it if it developed).

They way I see it is that there's very few subs out there that really want to be submissive.  At some point in time submission became part of their inherent sexual drive and it became inseparable.  I believe this is what separates a submissive from a bottom.  A bottom can turn the need for domination off.  A submissive cannot.  One could argue against this but I don't know many who would willingly choose to have D/s become integrated into their sexuality.  Similarly, I don't know any men that would choose to be gay and live a difficult life of public ridicule and threat on a daily basis.  Because of this, I consider submission to be a need as by quenching that need we accept the potential labels of pervert, sexual deviant, freak, etc. and find the number of women he is attractive to (and attracted to) to be greatly diminished.

In essence, the primary need of any submissive is the need to submit to someone that dominates.  As a submissive, your greatest need is to relinquish power and control to someone who will exert power and control over you.  How far does this go? 

A submissive must believe in his needs.  He must also believe that the Dominant is the greater power. "How submissive" a person is can be reflected in the sacrifices they are willing to make to meet those needs and submit to her power.

In a perfect world he could meet a woman who shared the exact same kinks/desires and they would simply mesh together in perfect harmony.  While this happens on occasion, in most cases it does not and in some cases, where an individual craves deep submission/domination, it is the lack of harmony that can take them to that next level.


Referring back to my previous post, a submissive that craves relationships of type 1 and 2 likely will not sacrifice (nor be willing to sacrifice) much to enter into that relationship.  This is just fine and in most cases it's the realistic and responsible decision to make.  Some kinky sex and some outward displays of devotion and affection are often all that is needed for both parties to be happy.

For subs that need a deeper level of submission and greater level of strictness from the Domme the lines get a bit blurred.  I think the idea of forced feminization is a good example of this.  A sub with a fetish for being forced to cross dress requires a Dominant that wishes to force that upon him.  This situation requires him to relinquish his right to choose what he wears.  She is given the power to choose what he wears and when, regardless of his wishes at the time.

Basically, to meet his submissive needs he consents to having his personal wishes ignored and her decisions forced upon him.  He consents to her forcing her will upon him non-consensually and/or by the threat of punishment/dismissal.  By doing so, he meets his greater need by giving up his momentary rights.  This may seem quite dysfunctional to some but at the same time, it's the only route for him to get what he wants.

This situation could be planned out when and where this will happen beforehand and have a healthier core.  At the same time there are aspects of the sub's desires that may or may not be met with this.  If he has an out and a choice, is it really forced?  Is he okay with role play or does it have to be full on?

This is the case for nearly every intense D/s activity.  There is an ideal relationship where both parties are on exactly the same page and all actions and activities are mutually pleasurable.  As the intensity grows it becomes more difficult for the Dominant to "turn off" those behaviors.  There-in lies the compromise.  A sub that needs very intense dominance must be prepared to deal with very dominant women.

Is it bad to accept the ramifications of extreme dominance in order to meet the need for extreme submission?

I can't answer that for certain but I can say that it's not always bad and not always good.

All I can say is that if he entered the situation with both eyes open and aware of the potential, I don't think it's fair to judge the outcome beyond his level of happiness and fulfillment. 

Styles and Intensities of Femdom Relationships

Some of the comments both on this blog and on other blogs I follow got me thinking a bit about the different styles and types of Femdom relationships you'll find.  There's a kabillion flavors of Femdom relationships (and D/s relationships in general) and the more understanding there is of each type allows for greater understanding of types that might not be appealing to you, but that may be what others want or need.

1.  Casual.  This style of Femdom relationship often is limited only to the bedroom with kinky play or sexual activities where the woman behaves as the top.  In these relationships there may be some D/s interaction outside of the bedroom but it is mostly limited to chivalrous behavior and/or chore duties, etc.  In these relationships most of the D/s interaction has probably been pre-negotiated or explored together out of love for the other.

I believe this type covers the majority of existing Femdom D/s relationships.

2.  Regular.  This style of Femdom relationship usually reaches deeper into every-day life.  You can expect some mild rituals and routines to be performed by the sub, but the sub still remains an autonomous individual that retains a public persona including a social life.  The woman is always the top in the bedroom and her needs and wishes take priority in the course of their lives.  The sub contributes a lot to the relationship on a personal level and it is usually a mutual understanding of needs and emotions that keeps things going.  These relationships are usually pre-negotiated or mutually "grown to" between a couple with similar desires.

This is the last level that many people would consider emotionally healthy.

3.  Intense.  This style of Femdom relationship extends well beyond the bedroom and encompasses nearly every aspect of daily lives.  The woman's wishes dictate the course of the relationship and the submissive is expected to make great sacrifices in order to meet her needs.  He still retains a personal life but the extent of his freedom is often inconsistent depending upon her requirements and expectations at any given time.  Rituals and routines are fairly common here.  Most activities would fall into the realm of consent but occasionally they may press any limits on the sub's part.

4.  24-7.  To start this off, I'll repeat my favorite definition of 24-7.  24-7 is not Femdom ALL the time, but it is Femdom at ANY time.  This style of relationship is basically the same as #3 but kicked up a notch.  In these cases the interaction behaviors are very similar but the submissive's life revolves around the demands of the Domme.  His autonomy may vary greatly but in most cases it can be expected that he will be kept occupied with his daily duties that he has very little personal time left on most days.  The sub retains the individual parts of himself but understands that his outside desires take a very back seat to everything else.  In these relationships subs usually have very few limits and he can expect any that he does have to be regularly pressed.

5.  Extreme.  This level describes the most extreme levels of Femdom.  This is where things like slave/Mistress relationships exist and a sub is willing to undergo any and all expectations the Domme may have of him.  He likely has no personal life beyond his Domme (except possibly for a job) and doesn't have any expectations of pleasure beyond his D/s needs.  She is his world and doesn't seek anything beyond this.

As with most subcultures, as the intensity builds the frequency declines.  If I had to make an estimation, the breakdown of each category frequency would probably be something along the lines of:
1.  80%
2.  15%
3.  4.5%
4.  0.49%
5.  0.01%

I'm not going to judge any of these situations as right/wrong or superior/inferior.  It's more that I acknowledge that they all exist in varying forms and that in most situations, both parties prefer the type of relationship they have and its intensity.  If anything, I'd find that more submissive men would wish their relationship to be more intense than she does in most cases.

Newest drawing and a little update

From some of the comments both here and on some of the blogs and forums I follow I have a few posts I plan to make when I can free up the time.  I have about 5 partial entries that I hope to finish up soon in regards to them. 


I completed my latest drawing the other night.  I plan to practice my shading work in the near future.  I've found it's easier to work from vector art templates to do mouths and eyes.  The process on creating those as vector art is very time consuming and I doubt I could do better than what already exists out there to borrow from.  This was a bit more grand of an endeavor considering it has more than two people in it.  I do hope that the spirit of what I was trying to convey outweighs my amateurish execution.