The good news: I should finish Arc 5 of fs01 sometime tonight.
The bad news: The fire that burned so brightly upon my return is starting to fade.
Part of this is my own doing. 150+ posts in 6 weeks... I would have been better off scheduling them to go off once per day but that would take half a year and my thoughts change and evolve so much through writing that half of them wouldn't be a relevant reflection of the "current" me by the time they went live.
Part of it is just being a little bit discouraged. The current internet definitely isn't the same beast that it was when I left in 2012. I seem to remember years ago when everyone was just so excited to find others that were "abnormal." It didn't matter so much the specifics, more that they were happy to just connect and learn about others and see what was going on in different situations. Things just feel a lot more cliquey now. I don't think the cliques are intentional, just more the mindset that people aren't as open. "You aren't like me. They are like me. I will talk to them and not to you."
I've always felt really fucking different from everyone... both in real life and on the web. Just how different has grown increasingly clear to me lately. I guess it just makes my heart hurt a little and it's tough to "power through" that feeling.
There is another blog author out there that has been special and supportive to me through this. They have been my life line over the past couple of weeks and helped me keep my head straight. I am immensely grateful for this. A good number of my posts have been spawned from our back and forth communications via email. This has helped me a ton.
I know that I write more than is healthy. All of my submissive energy and desire to submit gets funneled and channeled through this blog. I have taken my own advice and things have been better with T lately, but a return to D/s is nowhere in sight.
If anyone... anyone at all has some ideas or would like to contact me... please do. I have no ideas in the bank for an Arc 6 of fs01. I can barely bring myself to comment on other blogs anymore.
This might seem like a cheesy cry for help on some levels and I guess it sort of is.