Tuesday, May 31, 2016

A First Time For Everything

I removed my first post today.  I'd never done that before after making a post live.  It's not that I didn't have anything worth saying in it, it's just that I was in a very negative mental space and it affected my ability to adequately articulate my thoughts without "rant" overflowing into it and clouding the message.

I've already posted a couple of those since I got back and I'm trying to avoid writing while in those moods.

The basic messages I was attempting to convey:

1.  If you are a blog author and someone takes the time and effort to write a comment in an attempt to be constructive that looks like they put thought into, it's rude to ignore them and reply to everyone else's comments.  It can also hurt feelings.  I know a few places where I definitely don't feel welcome anymore and I won't be making any further efforts to help out.  Personally, I'd rather have someone say "fuck you, get out of here," than just act if I wasn't there.  My feelings are hurt.  I'm frustrated about it.

2.  Please don't use previous emotional damage to justify making mistakes in the present, especially when you KNOW you are making the mistake.  Getting over things is hard, changing is hard.  If you don't allow (or force) yourself to change in order to help correct your known flaws, you will get stuck in a dysfunctional loop that makes everyone unhappy.  It feels like I'm coming across a lot of people that have accepted that they are unable to communicate openly, love openly, or trust.  I can't even imagine being okay with that.

I'm pretty much a mess inside.  So much pain, regret, and hurt that have been scarred into me.  With submission and/or love, I can always leave that baggage at the door and focus on what will make her the happiest.  Leave the past in the past and cherish what you have in the present.  It's not always easy to do that, but if you give up without trying, that benefits no one, especially not the woman you love.

I hope this version comes across a lot more clear, without the alpha-infused anger resulting from being butt-hurt.

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