Time out, hats, and thoughts

I talked about this a bit in my Reflections series Part 2 as well as a little bit in my Conditioned behaviors post a few weeks ago.  For some reason I feel like expanding.

K and F both used kneeling and time out extensively as punishments.  This was wat more effective on me as a submissive adult than it ever was at a child.  If the purpose of time out is to instill reflection and remorse through discomfort and loss of freedom, it worked quite well for me.

The longer I was isolated in time out, the worse I would feel.  My submissive thought process may have started out frustrated, resistant, or confused when I would enter.  After a few minutes I would find that my feelings would change.  I couldn't stay mad, etc.  My submission would increase and my brain would naturally find reasons why it was my fault and why I deserved this.  I would feel terrible and by the end, I would apologize and beg for forgiveness.

This would happen even if it was not my fault.

After K instituted the punishment hat it created an additional level of shame.  Not only did I feel terrible, but there was now a badge of shame adorning me and adding to my emotional discomfort.

When things started up with F, I had told her about the experiences and she continued them.  F would use time out and the punishment hat both for punishment and as an attitude or mood adjuster.  I wasn't submissive enough, so into the corner for 15 minutes.  I would emerge as submissive as she wanted me.  If I wasn't turned on enough by the D/s dynamic, into the corner.  She increased the stakes by adding restraints or more clothing to increase discomfort.

I think deep down that this is why the beanie hat and earmuffs come into play so heavily in my submission.  They are part of what drives my deeper levels of subspace.  Most fur fetishists would probably have preferred a hat.  Mine was a perversion of that and an attempt at maximum humiliation.  When I am dressed in them I feel terrible about myself.  I feel as submissive as can be.  I feel vulnerable and exposed.  I feel a tremendous amount of love for my Mistress.  I willingly accept the bad in exchange for the good.

I think I felt the need to share this in a direct and specific way since I know that I have some new readers who may not have gone through those posts.  I am well aware that I write huge amounts of text and digging through it can be a chore (or a joy if you see it that way).

Back when I was drawing heavily I had someone request for me to stop drawing the hats.  While I delved into some variations, they always returned.  This is why.