Tuesday, May 17, 2016

D/s Daily Routines vs. Play

This is a bit of a random post thinking about what I have written recently.

I know that I highlighted quite a bit of "play type" events without really covering much of the daily routine type aspects.  Some of  my experiences were a bit skewed by not having enough together time to really establish this as something that may have been cemented in my mind, but I do believe in the minds of the Dommes I was with as well as many femdom relationships, "routine type" events are often a very solid foundation.

It's easy for male subs to forget their place.  When driven by fetish and kept in a state of frequent arousal, the mind gets selective on what it chooses to focus on as being "important to us."  Routine type events may seem "boring" in comparison and their repetition may make them seem mundane, but it's important to remember that this is not necessarily true for the Domme.

For K, speech restrictions (only speaking when spoken to), eye contact restrictions (not being allowed to look at her unless she lifted my chin during "high protocol"), addressing her with a title (Mistress), were a large part of her Domspace and they made her genuinely happy that I would follow those rules for her.  Waiting on her, touching her when she wanted it in the way that she wanted it, and focusing on whatever she desired made her feel cherished.  It was a rather large behavioral shift for me as I could no longer get "into something," usually some unimportant distraction, too deep since I knew I could at any moment have to drop everything and be prepared to serve.  Sometimes (most commonly during high protocol) she would use a bell to summon me and I had 5 seconds to be kneeling before her with my head bowed.  This happened a lot if she wanted me to bring her something or do something for her, if she wanted to touch me, or even if she just wanted to talk.  Other times, she would simply do it to make sure I was on my toes and it amused her to see me scurry from the other room to beat the 5 second time limit (or face punishment).

From our conversations we would have about how things were going, events like those seemed to bring her the greatest deep down happiness and joy.  She was happy to have a sub that would respond all the time and not just when sexual things were involved.  As much as I might get distracted by fantasy scenes and play, deep down I do value and enjoy these "routine" times as well since they allow me to display my devotion and they turn me on as well.  Serving Mistress a cup of tea from a tray in silence while she reads a book and continues to use the tray as her table for the duration of the cup, occasionally reaching out to pinch my nipple is plenty hot, it's just much harder to write about it since it was just part of the routine.

F had a series of positions she instructed me on, which I later used to communicate in a non-verbal fashion.  I had my standard kneel which was used when I entered or exited a room or when I was "at rest," which had my arms at my sides and my head down.  There was a full prostration with my forehead to the ground.  If my arms were extended forwards with palms together and on the ground it was my way of signalling I loved her and was devoted to her.  If I placed my arms behind my back in this position it meant "I'm sorry" or that I had to confess something and expected to be punished.  I had a vulnerable position, knees spread, feet together, and hands behind my back, giving her full access to my body.  I developed another position which was another kneel where I would place my head next to her thigh or on her lap and look at her.  I used this when I just wanted to feel close or sometimes if I wanted attention (she could tell which one by my eyes).  These times were very special to the both of us and occasionally I could tell that the position I chose served as a major turn on to her that would stoke the fires of her Domspace.  

F also loved our rituals.  Greeting her at the door while kneeling and kissing her feet, helping her into her slippers, etc.  When I would kneel and present my collar and allow her to buckle it on (the tighter it was, the more turned on she was).  She later added a ritual for the furs (even if she had instructed me to dress in a certain way beforehand, the final pieces were always part of this ritual).  She loved to see my face struggle to accept the situation.  These gave me a great deal of mental preparation to shed the external distractions from life and get into subspace with my focus only on her.

Above all the play and major events, it was these down times and routines that showed me how much I truly value the D/s lifestyle.  Even when you are "doing nothing," there is still a whole lot going on.


  1. I completely agree that routines, rituals, etc. are invaluable in training and maintaining a sub or slave. I'm glad that you pointed out that it's a turn on for both Dom and sub, despite often grueling aspects for the sub. Being held accountable on a regular basis lets a sub know that he's always under the watchful eye of his Dom even without a specific order at the present moment, and this assurance helps a sub know that his presence is being acknowledged even without an up-to-the-second verbal command. I always feel a great deal of pleasure, as well, knowing that the established ritual or routine is in place and being followed religiously by my husband.

    1. Thank you, Lady Grey. I always appreciate your insights.