Wednesday, May 18, 2016

The Current Role of D/s in my Life

I've noticed the most glaring difference between my blog and other Femdom blogs is the lack of, "last weekend we went to... and did..." posts.  In the current state of the relationship between T and I, D/s mode is currently set to "off," and has been for a few years.  When life calms down a bit more (which should happen in the not-too-distant future), we will likely start up again.

T's personality doesn't really mesh well with long-term D/s.  She's a vary loving, caring, and good person, but there are some things that just don't work very well.  When things go wrong it ends up hurting us both, but we did try to maintain things for upwards of 3.5 years.

I don't want to really be negative or down on T, I knew entering the relationship that she was newer to the lifestyle and I had already gone deep down paths that would probably fall into "advanced concepts."  The longest we are able to maintain a strong and positive flow is about 48 hours.  Later, we found it better to limit it to shorter stretches, say 8-12 hours at a time.  

During our on time, everything is very strict and ritualized.  I pamper her and take care of the chores.  We play and have good experiences together.  24-7 just puts too much of a burden on her to carry the situation through and she ends up losing confidence if things don't go as she planned.  I think part of it is that she is driven by a handful of fetishes more than sadism.  That's not necessarily a bad thing but it doesn't turn her on to come up with a system of control that can span over the long haul.  Without that link to arousal, I believe this task becomes more of a chore than a pleasure.

It's been roughly 9-10 years since we got together and I do not regret the decision.  We have a life together, something that was either taken from me or prevented by circumstance is my previous relationships.  I have come to accept the limitations of the situation as it relates to both parties.  I don't have an on/off switch for normal vs. sub mode and I tend to act out if expected to rapidly swap between states on a dime.  T just doesn't love controlling the entire situation and will lash out when her confidence is hurt.

I started this blog to help channel the deeper feelings I have had about the lifestyle (she read it for the first year or so, but now I doubt she even still has the URL).  It has, and continues to serve a role and a place for me to better understand myself and explore ideas and concepts that interest me.

Until the day comes where we turn the switch back on, it will likely remain as my primary outlet, and until then, I won't be having any "last weekend we went to..." posts.

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