Friday, May 20, 2016

male submissive Insecurity

Writing my last post got me thinking a bit more...  I'm writing this as much for me as anyone else, so please don't feel like it's meant to insult anyone, it's mostly something I just wanted to remind myself about so that I can continue to try to steer clear of its pitfalls.

I've come to know that a lot of early struggles for subs are often rooted in their insecurities.  I am prone to this as well.  Our insecurities can make us stubborn and trap us in our own heads at times and affect our devotion and service.  At some point most submissive (or vanilla) men have probably been worried about at least one of these things:
-Is my penis too small?
-She's out of my league, I don't deserve her."
-Will I be able to please her?
-Does this make me less of a man?
-What if she thinks it's weird?
-It's too embarrassing to do ______, I can't even think about it.
-I would never be caught dead doing _______, what if someone found out?

These fears are so individualistic and many of them are downright selfish.

It's a huge favor to a Domme for a sub to leave all the bullshit baggage at the gate.  It's easy for subs to forget that deep down, Dommes have many of the same insecurities.  How she looks, whether it will turn the sub on, what others might think if they found out, does getting aroused by being sadistic make her a bad person, etc.

In addition to that, Dommes also have greater worries:
-How can make I balance things so that it is enjoyable/rewarding for both of us?
-Am I being too dominant or not dominant enough?
-What if I make a mistake and hurt him too badly?
-I don't know how long I can keep the dynamic going.
-What if I run out of ideas on what to do?
-What if he refuses something I really want?
-What should I do if I just don't feel dominant today?

Basically, if a sub takes all of his worries that are specific to him, imaging a Domme has almost the same number of worries but is constantly worried about a dozen bigger things, namely, HOW TO KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS GOING.

As a sub, if you are aware of this, get over your own selfish bs and put your best foot forward because she is the one that is responsible for keeping the wheels on.  It's her job to make sure you know your place, your dick stays hard, and that her needs are met as well.  That's a tall order to put on someone; respect that.

Don't get me wrong, it's okay to have insecurities, but there's an appropriate time and place for them.  There's times when you can talk and let them be known, but don't dwell on them when you are supposed to be focused on her.  If you have the time to worry about yourself, channel that energy into your service to her.  Insecure about something?  Improve yourself to balance it out.  Practice makes perfect.  Perfect makes confident.


  1. "It's her job to make sure you know your place, your dick stays hard, and that her needs are met as well." I like this quote. I am always saying I want to keep him horny.

    1. Thank you, Miss Lily.

      A horny guy is a controllable guy :)